Browsing articles in "Down with Pop Country"
Dec
8

Saving Country Music’s Worst Country Songs of 2014

December 8, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  107 Comments

The downward spiral for mainstream country music continues as evidenced by the following list of some of the most horrible offerings of 2014. With how terrible these selections are, you could consider this not only the worst songs of 2014, but arguably a list of the majority of the worst songs in the history of country music. And with such a crowded field, only the worst of the worst were selected.

Nov
13

The American Country Countdown Awards Already Suck

November 13, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  47 Comments

The only thing worse than a country music awards show is four of them. It feels like these annual earaches are multiplying like a pestilence in country music and the music world beyond, and now we have yet another machination of forced television pageantry to contend with. Say hello to the “American Country Countdown Awards”—the Busch League of country music award shows.

Nov
12

The 6 Pop Country Archetypes (2014 Edition)

November 12, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  64 Comments

Have you ever wondered who actually listens to those awful songs they play on pop country radio? Here are the six primary Archetypes, or as Music Row refers to them, the “target demographics” that make up the audience of the pop country world.The new version takes into consideration country music’s changing demographics.

Nov
4

Translating Florida Georgia Line’s Sexual Innuendo

November 4, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  77 Comments

Professed Christians Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelley, known collectively as the pop country mega duo Florida Georgia Line have more euphemistic language on their new album Anything Goes than a salty-mouthed locker room. If you’ve been wondering what the hell they actually mean, then here are some useful translations of Florida Georgia Line’s most sexually-charged lines.

Oct
29

American Aquarium Recalls Florida Georgia Line Opening For Them

October 29, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  54 Comments

Raleigh, North Carolina-based country rock band American Aquarium, and specifically their frontman, singer, and principal songwriter BJ Barham have been known to twist off about the state of country music upon occasion, both online and on stage. Such was the case on Tuesday (10-28) when the band reminisced about the time one of today’s biggest pop country acts actually opened for them.

Oct
20

Florida Georgia Line’s “Anything Goes” is the Worst Album Ever

October 20, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  481 Comments

Congratulations Justin Moore and Outlaws Like Me, you’re officially off the hot seat. Because right here, right now, I am unilaterally declaring that Florida Georgia Line’s new album Anything Goes is the worst album ever released in the history of country music. Ever. Including Florida Georgia Line’s first album Here’s To The Good Times, including anything else you can muster from the mainstream.

Oct
3

35 Artists More Deserving of an Opry Invitation Before Little Big Town

October 3, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  132 Comments

Tonight (10-3) on the Friday night presentation of the Grand Ole Opry, Capitol Records recording group Little Big Town was surprised by Reba McEntire on stage and invited to become the newest members of country music’s most storied institution. Now Little Big Town, like so many of the Opry’s newest members, can take the accolades and attention the distinction bestows, but not fulfill their performance obligations.

Sep
26

Keith Urban: “HERE’S SOME BOOBS! GIVE ME ATTENTION!”

September 26, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  33 Comments

Good gosh, what does Keith Urban have to do to buy a break? So the Keith Urban brain trust gets together, scratches their heads a little bit and says, “Boobs. You know, there’s always boobs.” And so here we see Keith Urban resort to the same female objectification the rest of country music is suffering from in this new semi-NSFW video for his stalled single “Somewhere In My Car.”

Sep
4

DJ Bobby Bones Cries Like Little Girl with a Skinned Knee After CMA Snub

September 4, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  36 Comments

On Wednesday morning (9-3) the nominations for the 2014 CMA Awards were unveiled, including the nominees for the CMA’s National Broadcast Media Personality, of which apparently Bobby Bones though he was a shoe-in for. And when his name didn’t show up on the ballot, he took to Twitter to bitch like the spoiled, self-entitled, self-centered prick he is.

Jul
22

Jason Aldean’s “Burnin’ It Down” (A Roast)

July 22, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  171 Comments

Oh Jason, this is most unfortunate. Since Jason Aldean has re-entered the single life after getting caught in a douche-soaked nightclub on the Sunset Strip handling up on some American Idol semifinalist castoff, now he thinks he’s Mr. Sexy, taking cues from Jerrod Niemann and entering the EDM space to keep the child support money streaming in.

Jul
16

Maggie Rose’s “Girl In Your Truck Song” (A Rant)

July 16, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  162 Comments

What in the all kinds of actual hell do we have here my friends. I think we have just unearthed the biggest cultural abomination that has ever been classified as “country” music in its 70 year existence. No, I’m not talking bad, awful, terrible, or any other such adjectives. Even those words would seem to instill this embarrassment of Western Civilization with a dollop of undeserved respect.

Jun
30

Little Big Town’s “Day Drinking” (Review & Semi-Rant)

June 30, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  39 Comments

You know, for years people have been telling me how great Little Big Town is, berating me to give them a deeper listen. But I may never experience their album cuts are because their singles ward me off more than staring down a battery of AIDS cannons. First it was the motorbotin’ “Pontoon”, and now this. What the hell is day drinking anyway?

Jun
17

The Worst “Country” Songs of 2014 So Far

June 17, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  91 Comments

The middle point of 2014 finds so called “bro-country” in full throat, with its death grips around the neck of the country music genre and threatening to throttle the very life out of it with no prayer for resuscitation. As you can expect, the assailants are the usual suspects of putrid country music specimens selling out to the lowest common denominator for commercial success.

May
29

On Brad Paisley’s New EDM-Inspired Album “Moonshine in the Trunk”

May 29, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  100 Comments

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I read that comedian and country music performer Brad Paisley’s new album due out August 26th was called Moonshine in the Truck and “sees Paisley adapting the modern technology of EDM and dubstep to the classic country formula.” “The rulebook’s gone, or was there ever one?” Brad says. “They try, but I don’t play by it.”

May
7

Jerrod Niemann’s “Donkey” (Review & Rant)

May 7, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  139 Comments

Country is the only genre of music on planet Earth where the midlife crises of its artists play out on the airwaves and populate the very top of the charts, effecting the sonic path of the entire format for all the world to unbearably behold. And right now, Jerrod Niemann is doing the country music equivalent of blowing his retirement kitty on a red Lamborghini, and showing an unhealthy…

Mar
25

Jerrod Niemann Is No Willie or Waylon (A History Lesson)

March 25, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  127 Comments

Tuesday was the release of Jerrod Niemann’s dumb new album High Noon, and before we’ve even had a chance to really delve into just how much of a mockery it makes of country music, Niemann’s already out there on the defensive, preaching to us how country “purists” really don’t know what the hell country music is all about, and how he’s just carrying on the traditions of Willie and Waylon.

Mar
12

Florida Georgia Line w/ Luke Bryan “This Is How We Roll” (A Rant)

March 12, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  139 Comments

Like one of those stationary rides in the front of Wal-Mart for toddlers, “This Is How We Roll” makes a lot of noise, has a bunch of flashing lights, bumps up and down a little bit, but in the end, goes absolutely fucking nowhere. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers soundtrack has more sincerity, depth, and nutritional value than this explosion of diarrhea in country music’s bikini cut man briefs.

Feb
28

Cole Swindell’s Horrifically Generic “Chillin’ It” (A Rant)

February 28, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  121 Comments

You knew with the huge success of Florida Georgia Line that doppelgangers of the pop country duo would be coming down the pike. Well ladies and gentlemen, welcome to country music Cole Swindell; not even 9 months into his record deal, and he already has a #1 hit. Cole Swindell is the most not-having-any-bit-of-soul-or-culture human being I think I have ever observed on God’s whole creation.

Jan
15

Tim McGraw’s “Lookin For That Girl” (A Rant)

January 15, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  127 Comments

What kind of fresh hell has Tim McGraw unearthed here? Apparently the once high-flying country star has been inadvertently inoculating himself with inebriating bronzer agents from his incessant chemical tan treatments that have now seeped into his blood stream. “Lookin’ For That Girl” isn’t a cry for relevancy, it is a barbaric yawp, a banshee scream, a cacophonous ode to the onset of monoculture and wholesale mediocrity.

Dec
31

Billy Ray Cyrus Recording Hip Hop Version of “Achy Breaky Heart”

December 31, 2013 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  26 Comments

Yes folks, you read that right. According to media personality Larry King, Billy Ray Cyrus, King of the Atomic Mullet and father of devil spawn Miley Cyrus, is recording a hip hop version of his everlasting, demonically evil, and historically bereft scourge of Western Civilization known as “Achy Breaky Heart.” “Just spoke with @billyraycyrus on the phone – he’s recorded a hip-hop version of ‘Achy Breaky Heart’, Larry King tweeted out.

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