Aug
8

Expert: Erratic Randy Travis Could Be Caused By Paulie Walnuts Wings

August 8, 2012 - By Trigger  //  News  //  18 Comments

Randy Travis is making headlines yet again down in Texas today after he was arrested around midnight near his home in Tioga. Police found the country music singer injured after he wrecked his Trans Am, and claim he smelled of alcohol, and was naked lying in the middle of the road. After refusing a breathalyzer, police preformed a blood alcohol test, and say that Travis threatened to kill them, raising the stakes of the arrest to a possible felony offense. Travis was also arrested in February for public intoxication when police found him drunk in a church parking lot.

So what is the cause of all of Randy’s recent erratic behavior? One expert says it can be linked to the silver wings that have recently sprouted from the side of Randy’s head. “Paulie Walnuts syndrome is what some like to call it, named after the famous Sopranos TV character known for being especially ruthless and having ‘silver wings’ in his hair,” Dr. Malcom Frankenfurter, a physiologist for the University of Texas Medical Center explains. “But it is a serious medical disorder just recently discovered that can lead to major behavioral difficulties in aging males.”

The disorder apparently is caused by an imbalance of the chemical melanin in the brain. “Melanin is the pigment that gives hair and skin its color,” says Dr. Frankenfurter. “As we age, many times the hair follicles that contain a finite amount of pigment cells cease to produce the melanin, and our hair begins to turn gray, or white. In the case of people with Paulie Walnuts syndrome, the melanin loss is so dramatic and concentrated around the lower sides of the brain that it effects the temporal lobes of both brain hemispheres, many times causing erratic behavior and temporary loss of judgement, especially when alcohol is involved. If you look at an image of the brain, the temporal lobes virtually mimic the location of many aging male’s ‘silver wings.’

Dr. Frankenfurter is quick to say Randy Travis has not been diagnosed with the ailment, but recommends his doctors look into the possibly Randy is effected by it right away.

“Randy Travis really should be checked out before he does something to really endanger his country music career, like sign with Scott Borchetta of Big Machine Records and release a country rap song about a truck, or even worse, release a single with Bucky Covington.”

Paulie Walnuts could not be reached for comment.

18 Comments to “Expert: Erratic Randy Travis Could Be Caused By Paulie Walnuts Wings”

  • BWWWAAAHHHAAAHHHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

       5 likes

  • They can’t be serious….that’s hilarious!

       1 likes

  • I found some supporting evidence of your “Silver Wings” theory in the lyrics of a Merle Haggard song by the same name…

    Silver wings
    Shining in the cop’s light
    Roaring drunk
    Naked on the road late at night
    They’re taking me away
    So I threaten to kill them
    Silver wings
    Slowly fading out of sight

    Don’t arrest me I cry
    Don’t take me on that ride
    But I am drunk and outta my mind
    With no pants to cover my behind

    Silver wings
    Shining in the cop’s light
    Roaring drunk
    Laying naked in the road late at night
    They’re taking me away
    So I threaten to kill them
    Silver wings
    Slowly fading out of sight
    Slowly fading out of sight….

       17 likes

  • paulie is the real deal. randy, on the other hand, is a poser. however, you should add the mug shot yahoo has up of randy.

       0 likes

    • The guy who started the New Traditional movement in the mid ’80s is a poser? Tell me more, please.

         9 likes

      • that wasn’t the point. sorry for the misunderstanding.

           0 likes

  • Storms of life really was a heckuv a country record I just hope he gets it together before he’s got a toe tag on in the mourge somewere or a prison jumpsuit.

       2 likes

  • I just wonder why he was naked.

       2 likes

    • You probably reeeeeeeeally don’t wanna know…

         1 likes

    • Bath salts.

         2 likes

    • Buck Nekkid… good stage name

         1 likes

  • Too funny… but in all seriousness, Randy Travis brought back the popularity of traditional country music in the mid to late 80′s, almost single handedly. If he hadn’t came along, makes you wonder if any neo traditionalists, or any veterans (vern gosdin, george jones, merle haggard) would have garnered the attention they did in the late 80′s and early 90′s.

       5 likes

  • Two guns up! One for Randy, one for Trigger.

       2 likes

  • Maybe he’s trying to get on celebrity rehab.

       2 likes

  • I totally bought into it, though I did think the Good Dr.’s name was funny. The punchline at the end made me LOL.

    Good article, though. It left me dripping with antici…

    (SAY IT!)

    …pation.

       1 likes

  • Well this is really my kind of thing here!! trig has a sarcastic joke article and a serious article about Randy. A friend and I have been texting each other saying crap like “BAD , BAD Randy Travis!!!! now you sit in your Trams am and think about what you have done…… and put some pants on.” So Yeah Randy is a big name and is just gonna have to take some lampooning. However he is a person, and goes through sh*t just like the rest of us regular people. before i was into country the way i am now , (when it was sucky in the 80′s),Randy held appeal. He has a great voice and his material wasnt pure crap. Perhaps like the rest of us , after he picks up the pieces and reflects,we can hope for some gut touching stuff from Randy. Hell with this kind of press one might even say Randys’ outlaw is a coming out

       0 likes

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