Mar
12

Florida Georgia Line w/ Luke Bryan “This Is How We Roll” (A Rant)

March 12, 2014 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  139 Comments

**Warning: Heavy Language**

florida-georgia-line-luke-bryan-this-is-how-we-roll

Why are Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line standing in front of a big explosion? Because they’re fucking awesome, that’s why. And you probably don’t get that because you’re all old and shit and your pubes are probably gray and you think that country music should be Hank Williams played over and over again which is boring. Get over it. Country music has changed man, and there’s now redundant wallet chains, deep V-neck shirts with weird crap written on them, popped collars modeled with douchebag poses, and super awesome explosions for no reason. And we love it ’cause this is how we roll, yo!

- – - – - – -

Like one of those stationary rides in the front of Wal-Mart for toddlers, “This Is How We Roll” makes a lot of noise, has a bunch of flashing lights, bumps up and down a little bit, but in the end, goes absolutely fucking nowhere. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers soundtrack has more sincerity, depth, and nutritional value than this explosion of diarrhea in country music’s bikini cut man briefs.

My first question about this song is why exactly is Luke Bryan on it aside from marketing? Exactly what value does he bring to this collaboration? The very first thing out of his sewer hole is, “We’re proud to be young,” which is ironic because the 37-year-old is wearing testosterone patches to help boost his “performance” so he can keep up with the kids two decades his junior on his most recent and increasingly age-inappropriate Spring Break album. Luke Bryan has descended into that creepy late 30′s uncle character sent with a group of 16-year-old girls to “chaperone” and spends the whole time working up the courage to ask his niece’s best friend to roleplay Miley Cyrus while the rest of the group heads down to the beach.

An environment of sexual perversion and sheer stupidity permeates “This Is How We Roll” and its respective video from stem to stern, including a scene near the start of the video with a dollop of hussies having consensual sex with a Kenworth. I sure hope these chicks have their Tetanus records in order. And then of course we have Tweedledee and Tweedledum from Florida Georgia Line riding on top of the semi like Teen Wolf, with the same display of doltishness and disconnect with self-awareness many mid 80′s movies like Teen Wolf were horrifically beset with.

And are the “words” to this “song” for serious? It sounds like the babbling of a toddler with its tongue cut out, or Buckwheat trying to order Thai food while fighting through the lingering paralysis of a massive stroke.

Yeah holla at yo boy if you need a ride
If you roll with me yeah you know we rollin’ high
Up on them 37 Nittos, windows tinted hard to see though
How fresh my baby is in the shotgun seat oh
Them kisses are for me though, automatic like a free throw
This life I live it might not be for you but it’s for me though

And is anybody else bothered by watching people hanging out in the back of a moving semi? Does it seem like fun to anyone to be locked in a cargo hold with no window to the outside world, especially with a bunch of douchebags running motorcycles inside and other dumb shit? How many smuggled immigrants have been sweated to their death or suffocated in similar scenarios? I’d hate to see them take their rolling party through the same border checkpoint in Sierra Blanca, TX that busted Willie and Snoop while singing about “you know we rollin’ high” and watch the jack boots down there sodomize the whole lot of them with government issued toilet plungers in a tireless search for contraband.

And poor Brian Kelley, the Doogie Houser looking dude from Florida Georgia Line. Once again he’s more buried in the mix than Hoffa, offering no real contribution to the band aside from helping with the head count to qualify them for the CMA and ACM’s “Duo of the Year” awards. But that doesn’t stop him from showcasing how bad he is at lip syncing while sporting a doltish grin and no-soul-having wannabee hip-hop gesticulations. Let’s face it, Florida Georgia Line is Tyler Hubbard. Brian Kelley is just in charge of holding Hubbard’s penis pump.

Then finally to make up for the lack of any true machismo or talent emanating from Florida Georgia Bryan whatsoever, they send the troika out to a motorcycle track to stand there and look awesome while explosions go off and people who actually have skill do tricks for the camera that the pairing can try and take credit for by proxy.

The worst “country” song ever? I don’t think so, partly because this is just par for the course from Florida Georgia Line, while other sellouts like Jason Aldean and Tim McGraw hypothetically know better. Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelley are such tenderfoots, they think classic country is Shania Twain. Still I think this song is positively shitty enough to be a colossal super hit. I predict huge things for this song, and anyone with half a brain or a full compliment of testicles to be pursued by its permeation of American culture for months to come.

Two guns way down!

139 Comments to “Florida Georgia Line w/ Luke Bryan “This Is How We Roll” (A Rant)”

  • The stuff I just scooped out of my cat’s litter box smells sweet compared to this mess.

       22 likes

    • It’s actually not bad compared to the horror that was them covering “Friends In Low Places”. They really can not sing at all. There’s no potential for them to be diverse and sing a ballad or something (that I can see anyway).

         3 likes

      • I didn’t like the first Friends in low places either. Not a Garth fan at all.

           4 likes

        • Same here. Better to see them butchering “Friends…” than “Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old),” though. I actually like that song.

          Trigger, you have great timing, sir. I actually heard this abomination for the first (and let’s hope the only) time yesterday morning. You nailed it spot-on with every word.

             5 likes

          • It’s worse than an abomination but I can’t come up with the word.

               3 likes

  • It’s just another Rap song that for some reason gets passed as Country. Makes no sense to me. Funny thing is, the Rap genre probably doesn’t want to claim it either.

       19 likes

  • Only way this song could be worse is if Miley made a guest appearance.

       7 likes

    • I don’t know. I short, chubby and bearded dude doing pelvic thrusts in the face of a hot model chick and then ripping off his shirt and shaking his belly was pretty far out there.

         1 likes

      • I thought that part was disturbing, so disturbing it was hilarious

           0 likes

    • I would be careful. They might see your comment and make a remix with her, Blake Shelton, and Brantley Gilbert just out of spite!!!

         2 likes

  • It’s un-fucking believable people buy into this shit, anybody who listens to this crap is Fucked Up!

       21 likes

  • I’m glad they added hot chicks to make this a killer song!

       5 likes

    • Heck Ya Bro! Fire and motercycles and hot chicks and beeRz. Yeeehaaawww. That’s Country!

      Them boyz is gud sangers!

         21 likes

  • Muscles. Downloading.

       6 likes

    • I looooove Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line. They are so dreamy! I play this in my SUV while driving the girls home from soccer practice!!!

         13 likes

      • You go, girl! I play Luke, Jason, and FGL for my 9-year-old daughter all the time! She needs to learn how important it is to let guys in big trucks get her drunk and sleep with her so she don’t grow up with too much self-esteem.

           17 likes

  • Well another song to add to the list for worst song of 2014. Right there with Achy Breaky Heart 2 and Rodeo by Lenny Cooper. And it’s only March! Ugh…

       4 likes

    • . . . and the new Jake Owen song, and the Tim McGraw song, and both the current and upcoming Jerrod Niemann songs. This is really shaping up to be a banner year for terrible, terrible music.

         14 likes

  • I actually kinda like this song. Until now, I had no clue what FGL was all about. “Cruise”, “Round Here”, “Itz Just What We Do” and “Tip It Back” left a lot of unanswered questions

       12 likes

    • for real tho, I just looked at their catalog and “Stay” is literally the only (out of like 15) non-party anthem song they have. I dont mind a party country song every now and then but how is FGL not tired of singing the same songs over and over.

         5 likes

      • And they didn’t even write the song. It’s a cover.

           1 likes

      • Seriously, Luke Bryan is capable of so much more and so much better than shit like this. Do a search for his songs “Small Town Favorite” and “Five O’Clock Angel.” They’re actually really good songs.

        It just seems that all he puts out now are party anthems (though “Drink a Beer” was an exception).

        This song is pure crap. I don’t think I’ve ever hated any band or singer as much as I hate FGL.

           4 likes

        • “Drink a Beer” has a pseudo-patriotic theme with its (more than likely) unintentional inference to the lose of a close military friend. However, it intentionally and incessantly panders to redneck beer drinkers who are willing to accept a mediocre country ballad; that part is totally apparent. It’s crap and he used the death of his brother to sell this garbage.

             4 likes

    • REALLY JUST ONE QUESTION. WHY?

         3 likes

  • Want some perspective on how big of a dbag Tyler Hubbard is? In a sleeveless shirt he looks like Scott Stapp.

       3 likes

    • I would take Creed over Florida Georgia Line any day. At least they seemed like they took their music (maybe too) seriously.

         13 likes

      • I think that’s what caused so many people to “hate” them. Or at least the ones that actually had an issue with their music and not the bandwagoners that only did it because it was “cool.” Why it was cool to hate on Creed, I don’t know. At least they played and sang their own music and it had meaning.

           8 likes

      • I actually love Creed, but there’s no denying that Scott was a megadouche, back in the day.

           1 likes

        • Off topic but how about DWare? Are you gonna stick with your moniker for old times sake?

             0 likes

          • Ah. I get it now. He just got released.

               0 likes

          • Yes and now apparently signed with Denver.

               1 likes

          • I’ll change the # if his jersey # is different. Otherwise, I’ll stick with it.

            Unfortunately, though, the Broncos now currently house by far my least favorite NFL player on offense in dear old egomaniac #18, along with by far my favorite NFL player in DeMarcus Ware.

            That sucks.

               0 likes

          • I’m sure he’ll find a way to keep 94. As for 18 I just fondly think back to five weeks ago and chuckle.

            GO HAWKS!

               1 likes

    • Creed/Scott Stapp hate was cliche in 2002, now it’s basically meaningless. Even as a fan I’ll admit that the band and its singer haven’t been relevant for at least that long, so what’s the point of insulting them? Regardless, the man has got his life together and by all accounts is actually quite nice. Going to see him in concert on March 25th so I’ll confirm or deny that claim ;)

         3 likes

      • Now the cliche band to hate is Nickelback. I hate them too, though I’m not even sure if the band still exists.

           1 likes

        • From what I can tell, a lot of the bro-rock audience had drifted over to bro-country.

             4 likes

          • I also quite like Creed and agree that most people hated them because it was cool to hate them. Then Nickelback became cool to hate so everybody hated them. Nickelback is worse than Creed but I still don’t believe they deserve the level of hate they get. They have recorded good songs as well as some bad ones. Nickelback has been irrelevant for a few years so I wonder if the hate will wear off. Stone Temple Pilots is another example of a band that was cool to hate.

            Most Nickelback/Creed/Three Doors Down fans now listen to country radio since pop, adult pop and rock radio don’t play rock music based on electric guitars and melody.

               8 likes

    • Update: I can’t speak for his past behavior, but as far as I can tell, Scott is a genuine guy. He put on a great show and interacted with the audience well, and you could tell that he was really passionate about his music (in stark contrast with the popular opinion that he and Creed were all about money and not substance). He even told numerous stories about the songs that segued into the music and also didn’t feel the need to rely on anything other than some atmospheric lighting for the show. There were no pyrotechnics, video, etc. at all. Just Scott and the band. Even Trigger should appreciate that, given his criticisms about the fluff of modern concerts. He just sang, interacted with the patrons, and danced onstage with his mic stand.

      Before the show, my girlfriend and I thought that we had meet and greet tickets, but it turns out that the site/person we got them from had lied about that, so we weren’t on the list. However, his tour bus was parked on the side of the building in plain view and we elected to wait and try and catch him on the way out. As luck would have it, we did and he didn’t hesitate to sign my CDs and copy of his autobiography Sinner’s Creed. I even had a bit of a conversation with the man and he was one of the nicest people I think I’ve ever met, celebrity or otherwise. There was an aura about him that radiated outward; I’m not sure how to describe it, but he wasn’t fake or showy at all. I got the sense that this was really his character, not just a facade for the public. Even my girlfriend, who got me the tickets for Christmas and was not a fan (to the point of hating to hear his music at any time), became one after the show. So, he might have been an idiot back in the day, but he has definitely got his head screwed on straight as of 2014. His new album Proof of Life is a great rock album and it benefitted from his newfound modesty and sobriety.

      So, with that in mind, I’d say that he is no longer an applicable comparison for the idiots of FGL.

      ———————————-

      On a completely different note, the hate for Scott Stapp and Creed is unreal. There were two hipsters that attended the concert just to mock him. Let that sink in for a second: there were two guys that paid money to attend this concert and make fun of the guy. He didn’t let it get to him, though, and pretended like he didn’t hear (or maybe he didn’t, I don’t know). After the show, one of them yelled out “Scott Stapp sucks!” to the crowd exiting the venue and ran into a bar. Another one jumped on the back of a car and yelled “I just ironically enjoyed a Scott Stapp concert!” This is why I’m defensive of Stapp and Creed (and why I hate hipsters). It would be one thing if people were intelligent with their criticism, but most people that don’t like these guys don’t have objective reasons for why or simply border on fanaticism, which I don’t get. What benefit is there to paying for a ticket to mock a rock star that is past his point of relevance? Even if he weren’t, he’s a nice guy and doesn’t deserve such hate. I’ll never understand this as long as I live.

         0 likes

      • Trigger, maybe I’m being too earnest with this, but I assume you remember my comment about the reviewer likening Stapp’s new album to Proof of Life? I’d still like to know what you think of it. It’s on Spotify. And it’s not like I think it deserves its own article or anything. I just respect your musical opinion and find it to be more insightful than 95% of the people I know/articles I read.

           0 likes

        • Acca Dacca,

          You have to appreciate just how much music I am expected to give opinions on, and how many requests I receive per week. I’ve probably received 15 requests just this week to review Cody Johnson’s latest album. I have people on Facebook on a daily basis saying my entire site is illegitimate because I haven’t ever talked about so and so artist. I am one person, and I only give my opinions on music when I have really delved into a project, listened to it sometimes 20-30 times. I take reviewing music very seriously, and refuse to give into writing flash bang reviews or giving knee jerk reactions. I know that’s not necessarily what you’re asking of me here. It is humbling that so many people care about my opinions on music, and I do my best to share as many of my opinions as possible. But I just can’t stop down, spend an hour listening to an album on Spotify, and give you my opinion. That’s just not how I work. Having said that, I will try and listen to the album, and if I have an opinion and can find the words to express it, I will try to write a review for it in the future.

             0 likes

          • Acca Dacca, You have to appreciate just how much music I am expected to give opinions on, and how many requests I receive per week. I’ve probably received 15 requests just this week to review Cody Johnson’s latest album. I have people on Facebook on a daily basis saying my entire site is illegitimate because I haven’t ever talked about so and so artist. I am one person, and I only give my opinions on music when I have really delved into a project, listened to it sometimes 20-30 times. I take reviewing music very seriously, and refuse to give into writing flash bang reviews or giving knee jerk reactions. I know that’s not necessarily what you’re asking of me here. It is humbling that so many people care about my opinions on music, and I do my best to share as many of my opinions as possible. But I just can’t stop down, spend an hour listening to an album on Spotify, and give you my opinion. That’s just not how I work. Having said that, I will try and listen to the album, and if I have an opinion and can find the words to express it, I will try to write a review for it in the future.

            I understand that you’re busy and I hope you don’t think that I assume that your site or the world revolves around me. That said, you at least responded to my comments so I appreciate it. I wasn’t aware that you had THAT many requests, however. I also have no idea what your inclinations towards rock might be, other than possibly being a fan of Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin and not especially liking AC/DC or Creed (as I’ve gleaned from your comments in articles). Scott Stapp and Proof of Life aren’t exactly relevant to the site and I’m more than a little biased, so it might not even be worth your time (unless Stapp decides to “go country,” God forbid). It doesn’t need a review, I’m just curious because I think you might be surprised and again, the comment by the reviewer on iTunes about it being “more country than rock” had me instantly thinking of your articles, and that’s the only reason I’ve been so adamant about getting your opinion. But I understand. Either way, I figured you might at least respect the fact that the man has gotten his life together and puts on a good show that’s devoid of gimmicks.

               1 likes

      • You’ve seen my later comment that I’m actually a huge fan of Creed, right? I made the initial comparison for the sake of laughs and because the resemblance was uncanny. Nothing more; nothing less. I firmly believe that My Own Prison is by far the best album that popular post grunge ever produced.

           1 likes

        • Yes, I did, which is why I decided to follow up on my original reply. I figured you would want to know. My rant about the hating was necessarily at you but just in general.

             0 likes

  • Pretty impressive how many times they managed to rhyme “though” with “though” though…

       22 likes

  • The only talent in the video are the guys twisting the throttles on the motorcycles.

    I am saddened to see Travis Pastrana and Kenny Bartram involved with this although Bartram was in another Chris Cagle video several years ago so he has past connections to this brand of cheeseball country muisc.

    I also cant help but laugh at the half of the FLGA “duo” who only gets to stand in the background an lip-sync.

       5 likes

    • I came here to mention the same thing. Pastrana / Nitro circus guys are legit badasses. I hope they got paid well

         0 likes

  • Is it just me or is anyone else tired of rap-like verses seeping into country? I am and that is my biggest pet peeve. I know country people may not speak the same way as others but July is one syllable.

    On another note, does anybody find it awkward that Luke Bryan contradicts “I’ll Stay Me” (which is not a bad song by the way)? I really don’t like Luke Bryan, once he started realizing that he can shake it and make money he lost who he was. Also, STOP WITH THE SKINNY JEANS AND SPRING BREAK ALBUMS!

       11 likes

    • That’s what gets me, the dude released a couple of solid contemporaty country albums then suddenly jumped on the “tailgates and date rape” bandwagon with both feet. It’s like his manager came to him and said “Do you want to be the next Rhett Akins or the next Kenny Chesney?”

         5 likes

      • I believe Luke Bryan has went way below that even. At least kenny Chesney has a lot of songs, even the beach ones that have some depth to them. This crap is just getting worse and worse by the minute.

           10 likes

        • I don’t mind Kenny for the most part and don’t mean to imply that he’s anything like Luke Bryan. I was just using that as an example of two guys who emerged at about the same time and enjoyed a similar level of success initially while sporting a similar contemporary country sound; one of whom (Akins) stayed the course and disappeared from public consciousness, the other of whom (Chesney) turned to a more pop sound and became a major headliner.

             3 likes

          • For gods sake, we’re not going to detail how Kenny chesney is better than Luke Bryan are we? They both suck! It’s a waste of time. Gee, is Tim McGraw better than Blake shelton? Who cares? I don’t listen to either one. With a trigger rant, laugh and get ready for the next post.

               2 likes

      • I believe Rett Akins is now writing shit like this.

           2 likes

        • Unfortunately, I believe you’re right. Maybe he feels like he missed the boat and is now trying to live the dream vicariously through his boy.

             1 likes

  • “Buckwheat trying to order Thai food while fighting through the lingering paralysis of a massive stroke.”

    BEST DESCRIPTION EVER!!

       5 likes

  • “more buried in the mix than Hoffa.”
    Fan-fucking-tastic.

       5 likes

  • Sounds like the theme song to one of CMT’s stupid reality shows. Hell it looks like one too.

       3 likes

  • Just one man’s opinion – your brilliant rants are entertaining and all, but I would rather see the time and space on this site go to artists that I’m actually going to give a listen.

       0 likes

    • Red Eye Gravy, The Urban Pioneers, Sturgill Simpson, Shakey Graves, Possessed By Paul James, Hurray for the Riff Raff, Lydia Loveless and Robbie Fulks (plus a few more I’ve yet to hear but will be looking into) have all be covered in the last 4 days.

      Folks might want to try scanning the front page of the website before typing out THIS SAME COMMENT on every one of these rants.

         14 likes

      • I’m on this site every day – I know what’s on the main page. I’m simply stating that I’ve lost interest in hearing about the crappy music that’s out there. As I said, just one man’s opinion.

           0 likes

        • Someone, somewhere, has come to the realization that Clear Channel-owned radio stations are insulting their intelligence with the snake oil that the suits are peddling to them, and is coming to this site to identify with and echo Trig’s rants and musical beliefs. As a result, that person is discovering that what he/she has been missing on the FM dial is alive and kicking on the Internet thanks to Trig’s introductions of authentic, independent country music.

          Do you think if Trig’s articles wholly consisted of promoting indie acts that mainstream outlets like Men’s Journal would reference him in their magazine or Fox News would quote him in an article on their website? I think not.

          Make enough noise and people need to see what the commotion is about.

          The more exposure, the better.

             19 likes

    • Funny, the memory of Triggers response to this question from two articles ago is still fresh in my mind. Sometimes I get sad when there’s something I love and only 6 comments, and then an Eric Church article with 100+ comments. But, it is fun to make fun of and bitch about the crap.

      Recycled Trigger:

      “I see this comment all the time, and other variations on this same general theme. Out of the last 7 articles I have posted, 6 of them have been positive in nature, promoting music I believe is good and worthy of people’s ears, including two album reviews of virtually unknown, hard-working independent bands, a list of 10 independent artists, an article on a country legend, a review of an independent Texas guy, and one on a fairly mainstream artist in Beck.

      Of course, barely anybody reads these things. I see comments like this all the time questioning my priorities, but I never see any type of sizable demand for that content that so many people are clamoring for. I am doing my part, but this is a two way street. If readers want to see positive coverage of worthy music, they must interact with it, and not just on my site, but on the internet overall. I am not personally indicting you. You may interact with these articles commonly, as I know others do. But to almost a 10 to 1 margin, readers dramatically prefer negative coverage. Nonetheless, I continued to remain committed to positive music coverage as a majority of this site’s coverage. “

         4 likes

    • The rants should stay–far too excellent to be shitcanned. But as penance Trigger owes us 2 undiscovered jewels. Per rant.

         2 likes

    • I’ve been off work this week, so I have more time than usual on my hands, but generally I skip all rant posts and posts about stuff I’ve heard. I come here to discover new, cool, and unheralded stuff.

      I actually welcome the rant posts and other stuff I’m not interested in because too much of the other would be overload for me and I couldn’t get to all the good stuff. (semi-sarcasm).

         0 likes

  • More arse than class.

    Pass the cackle berries.

       0 likes

  • “The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers soundtrack has more sincerity, depth, and nutritional value than this explosion of diarrhea in country music’s bikini cut man briefs.”

    Lovely image. :D Funny you should mention MMPR — if you’re referring to the movie soundtrack, I don’t know much about it except that it’s got Devo (“Are You Ready?”), and They Might Be Giants’ contribution (“Sensurround”) is a really good, rockin’ tune.

    Anyway, back to this “song” — I’ll have to take your word for it on the video. :p But I can’t help cracking up at these lyrics — I can just imagine them being read by Gary Oldman and/or Benedict Cumberbatch on ‘Jimmy Kimmel’.

       4 likes

  • I think an overlooked point here might be this song is not from the original “Here’s to the Good Times” album. Late last year (a full year after the album was released), a re-issue of the album was released with six new tracks (this song being one of them). It’s just such a horrible practice from many different angles. It’s hard enough selling full albums anymore without giving consumers more reasons to avoid purchasing full albums.

    I was reading something a while back about the current business models and trends of the record industry being very much oriented towards short term goals with a very negative downside of decreasing the longevity of artists.

       1 likes

    • This isn’t really a new thing, it runs in cycles. It happened in the ’70s with the Urban Cowboy craze, in the ’80s with recycled pop acts (Billy Joe Royal, Michael Johnson, Michael Martin Murphy, Chris Hillman, etc), and in the ’90s with the Hat Acts.

      The difference this time is that the established acts are either bowing out (George Strait) or following the trend (Tim McGraw) so it’s hard to know if anything will be left behind when it passes.

         5 likes

      • “This isn’t really a new thing, it runs in cycles. It happened in the ’70s with the Urban Cowboy craze, in the ’80s with recycled pop acts (Billy Joe Royal, Michael Johnson, Michael Martin Murphy, Chris Hillman, etc), and in the ’90s with the Hat Acts.”

        Then and now = apples and oranges. Did radio stations in those eras have a playlist of the same 10-15 songs? Did Clear Channel and Cumulus own all of those radio stations and kick out local on-air talent in favor of automated programs with one guy choosing the playlists for everyone in the nation? Did they play music geared toward a demographic?

           3 likes

        • The other morning I was driving to work listening to the classic country station and they played back to back Johnny Lee songs “Could’ve heard a heartbreak” and “Looking for Love”. I started thinking how I don’t really understand why some parts of the Urban Cowboy movement got such a bad rap. Those songs are pretty good and he had quite a few songs in his catalog that are very country lyrically and I would love to hear today on the radio.

             4 likes

          • I like Johnny Lee, and I agree that it’s unfortunate that he gets lumped in with the bad aftertaste of the Urban Cowboy era.

            The problem wasn’t with the music from the movie itself; the problem is that the movie sparked an interest among young suburbanites in the whole country lifestyle; turns out that while these people wanted to go to country bars and listen to country radio stations, they really didn’t care much for country music. This paved the way for many established artists such as Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, and the Oak Ridge Boys, and new artists such as Juice Newton to flood the market with some of the most non-country music the genre had seen to that point.

            Don’t get me wrong, I’d be happier than a puppy with two peters if mainstream country radio would go back to a 1979-1980 sound, but the fact remains that the current move to hip-hop/EDM is just a natural progression of what was going on back then.

               4 likes

        • All of that is irrelevent to my point, which is that country music has seen this ebb and flow based on national trends many, many times over the years. In the past, when the trends faded and the trend-followers retreated back into the shadows, there would be a core group of “real” artists like George Jones, Merle Haggard, Conway Twitty and, in later years, George Strait and Alan Jackson, still plugging away when the dust cleared.

          That group isn’t around this time, so my fear is that when the big money guys in the music industry get tired of country music this time – and they always do, sooner or later – we might be left with a “new normal” that’s pretty much the same as the current trend

             2 likes

          • That’s a good point, never really thought about that.

               0 likes

  • I watched the video before I read the rant and when they started “partying” in the trailer I thought the same thing you did, “What? People die in the back of those things!”

       2 likes

  • I’m glad they keep coming out with these terrible songs, because I always look forward to the thrashing they receive in trigger’s reviews.

    TWO GUNS UP!

       3 likes

  • Man I had to look it up and this song was co-written with both Luke Bryan and Cole Swindell. The really sad thing is these guys are all between 27 and 38. I mean it took the FOUR of them combined to write this song.

    “Hey on my last song with I sang about a mix tap and named dropped a country dude and a rapper. That was cool. Let’s do that again and start this song off with it!” – said Luke Bryan.

       8 likes

    • Yeah, what is up with the whole talking about mixtapes / ipod playlists lately? And it always combines a country guy with a rapper I dislike. Why can’t they do something like “Got me some Dock Boggs got me some Darkthrone”. Or “Roscoe Holcomb and Xasthur going boom boom boom out my tailgate”.

         3 likes

      • Or how about this:

        Got my 12 inch kickers with that boom
        Blastin Blake and a little Burzum.

           2 likes

        • Merle and a little Maiden…

             1 likes

      • Not only that, but they also sing in the chorus how they’re singing aloud everything on the radio! =P

        You admitted yourselves earlier that you had a mixtape featuring Hank and Drake. So which is it?

           5 likes

  • Pretty sure that I’ve said this before…….remember when we thought Toby and Garth were not country enough? Both of those guys (T&G) are infinitely more talented and authentic than the above clowns.

       9 likes

  • Truly horrible.

       6 likes

  • Excellent review. I have one major problem with this video-with these kind of videos in general- there are never any people of color in them. Now if they were singing Hank, Jr. I would understand the lack of black people. But when everything- the rapping, the hand and body gestures, the man-child indecency- all come from hip- hop music it is insulting as a black person to see a clear lack of people of color. If you are going to steal from urban music at least respect the people who created it. What are they going to do? Make a remix with Drake? It hints at a sort of racist theft.

    I am also bothered that Luke Bryan, who has two kids, is promoting a lifestyle, that if he really lived it, would make him a horrible father and husband. And Brian Kelley, much like Kix Brooks, is just a lucky son of a bitch.

       9 likes

    • I’ll counter that:

      I’m offended that the movie “Ray” starred the racist Jamie Foxx and showed absolutely nothing of Ray Charles’ country music contributions (as if they didn’t exist).

      I’m also offended that Beyonce (a mother) did a strip routine to open the Grammy’s.

      PS. Please take Hootie back. He’s annoying.

         7 likes

      • Bang on Phil, but be careful not to offend though, there are some folks commenting on here that really think highly of that douche bag. I’m assuming they think he is really a Country artist……either that or they have mistaken this website with Saving Washed up Department Store Music!

           1 likes

      • “I’m also offended that Beyonce (a mother) did a strip routine to open the Grammy’s.”

        Way to stick up for Luke Bryan. Is this an example of “I can call my sister ugly, but no one else can?” CraigR is a country music fan. I’ve seen his comments on other music sites I frequent. He’s seems to offended by Luke Bryan for lot of the same reasons that a lot of us here are.

        “PS. Please take Hootie back. He’s annoying. ”

        Obnoxious. Also, doesn’t make much sense. Rucker’s whole music career has been in white dominated genres. He went from bland roots rock to bland country. You think many black folks own any Hootie albums.

           4 likes

      • Phil, you’re annoying. You apparently did not see the movie, Ray.. The country music portion of Ray Charles were brought out very nicely in the movie. Why would you sit here and write something without accurate knowledge. Second of all, just who are you asking to take Hootie back? How is Hootie any more annoying than that piece of crap that Trigger just defecated on. At least you don’t see Hootie trying to be a rap singer while doing country. Seriously, “who tell these country music singers they can rap.” Because I swear we need to shoot them. Is there anything more annoying than listening to someone rap while they simultaneously try to maintain a southern accent. Let me answer you, no. They are a joke. Well maybe we should ask someone to take them back. Oh wait, but who should we ask to take them back?

           7 likes

  • Any hope that the kids listening to this today become SavingCountryMusic readers in the future? Its kids music. It sucks, just like all kids music sucks. But if it opens the door for real country music later in life should we be so quick to shut it down?

    Think about the music you listened to when you were 15. It sure as hell wasn’t country for me. I think I have gotten to the point where I have to accept this trash and hope its a stepping stone for real country music later on. It sure as heck ain’t going away.

       1 likes

  • This is easily going to be their second-biggest hit to date (unfortunately) and I also predict it was serviced this type of video because they eventually intend to service it to Mainstream Top 40 with a Drake feature for crossover airplay (again, unfortunately).

    The part that’s most baffling indeed, lyrically, is Luke Bryan’s part (which he apparently wrote himself). Let’s take a gender:

    *

    “We’re proud to be young,
    we stick to our guns,
    we love who we love and we want to have fun,
    yeah, we cuss on them Mondays,
    and pray on them Sundays,
    we pass it around,
    and we dream about one day.”

    *

    Is it just me, or does it sound like Bryan is trying to have it both ways in ideologically pandering to as broad a listening demographic as possible? He says he sticks to his guns (he’s probably referring to the idiom as opposed to literally referencing gun rights) and then he immediately follows it up with “we love who we love” as though he almost feels obligated to apologize and reassure everyone he is also for love of all preferences, lifestyles and orientations. It’s just an odd juxtaposition.

    Secondly, “we pass it around, and we dream about one day?” WHAT?!!! What’s “one day” supposed to mean? Just seems to me that they were too lazy to abandon the rhyme scheme for days of the week and so settled on “one day” to solve the problem! -__-

    *

    Finally:

    *

    “Mixtape’s got a little Hank, a little Drake…”

    *

    Hahaha! Because their names happen to rhyme! See what they did there? Hahaha! I can easily see the following coming to a country single release near you:

    *

    “My Pandora’s got a lil’ Twitty, a lil’ Avicii,
    I like my beer ice cold and my Georgia trees peachy,
    I like Sunday mornings when the preacher man done get preachy,
    I ain’t mincin’ words, I ain’t overreachy,
    cuz dat’s juz who I am…”

    *

    =X =X =X

       9 likes

    • Drake is far too popular and current to do a Re-mix of this. FGL will have to scrape the bottom of the barrel of rappers again. Maybe DMX or that guy Chingy.

         3 likes

    • “We love who we love”

      Funny how when Kacey Musgraves says that it feels meaningful and creates the feeling that she accepts the gay population. Then these guys say it and I’m pretty sure they don’t want it to have any meaning at all.

         5 likes

    • As much as I have big, big issues with Drake, the one thing I’ll give him is that he has so much more dignity than to be associated with this nonsense. He sounded embarrassed on the most recent album by Young Money, and that’s his label – there’s no way in hell he’s going to hop on this.

      Nah, if I’m looking for a rapper who’ll collaborate here, I’m thinking Nelly or maybe Ludacris or hell, Pitbull or Flo Rida (Flo Rida with Florida Georgia Line – kill me now). And to call what these twits do ‘rap’ (and certainly not gangsta rap) is an embarrassment to good rappers, even those that cater to the trashy gangsta side like Schoolboy Q – even Eminem, who never fails to talk about his white trash roots (his words, not mine) would never show up on this garbage.

         2 likes

  • You know I’d be mad if the whole thing wasn’t so damn hilarious. 12 seconds in and I’m about dead from laughing, and that’s just because of the skinny jeans. This just might be the song that makes the hipster crowd start to “ironically” like pop country. Its that pathetic.

       3 likes

  • What the hell are the guys from Nitro Circus doing in this video? It brings to mind Tyler Farr using the Duck Dynasty guys into his “I’m a creepy dude who throws beer cans” video. It’s all marketing. Except in this instance, I don’t really understand what Travis Pastrana, Streetbike Tommy and the gang add to the video. Are they just there to add a “wow” factor to the video, as if the shittyness of this song weren’t enough to say “wow” anyways? I’m very confused why they’re in this video, other than the $$$ they were probably given to make an appearance.

       0 likes

  • I kept hoping for Jerry Reed (as the Snowman) to come out of nowhere and plow his Kenworth into the side of that truck……

       9 likes

    • There’s nothing that makes me smile more than that scene in Smoky and The Bandit when after getting beat up by the bikers, he’s sitting in the cab of his truck, smiles, and then plows over their motorcycles like they’re nothing.

         12 likes

      • “Hold on to ya ass, Fred!!”

           5 likes

  • Trigger I’m very surprised that you didn’t at least mention the rapping portion of this song and what it means for the future of country music. Yes, country rap has been a mainstay for about three years now, but it was always more or less stylized talking in the mainstream. This is the first time that any country artist has ever attempted any gangsta-esque machinations with the rapping and it’s quite disturbing. Even Cowboy Troy was more or less country when he rapped; this is just rap with a sung chorus.

       1 likes

    • If this had been a review, I’m sure I would have gone more in depth with that point. But since this was a rant, I guess I took it as a given. I don’t know if I would couch it as “Gangsta” rap. Nobody’s threatening to kill cops, though I’m sure we’re heading there. But you’re right, it does mark a new level of rap in country.

         2 likes

      • I know that you don’t consider your rants to be reviews because objectivity is thrown out the window, but you do end these articles with ratings. Regardless, one would think that the gangsta trappings would be rant worthy. They certainly irritate the heck out of me and I’m not a traditionalist, as you know. Speaking of killing cops, doesn’t Brantley Gilbert do that in his new song or is that just the video? Honestly, I don’t really pay attention whenever I happen to hear any part of that song. Either way, things just got worse, and I hope to God that “rolling, smoking and capping fools” doesn’t become a part of country music.

           2 likes

      • I too think we’ll eventually reach a place where “country” lyrics somewhat endorse violence against cops! =/

        Why do I think that? Because there is already a lot of disrespect and passive-aggressiveness directed at cops in present lyrics within the genre. You have constant references to “dodging the blue lights” or variants reflected in singles like Justin Moore’s “Lettin’ The Night Roll”. And then of course there’s the “Watch out for the boys in the blue!” warning in “Dirt Road Anthem”.

        They may not outright wish harm on law enforcement, but they’re always depicted in such an unfavorable light. Which is somewhat ironic considering the strong streak of stronger criminal sentencing in the Southern states primarily.

           0 likes

        • Running from the law is one of many traditional country music theme. Let’s not bother analyzing why this music and others are… well for a lost of a better word, stupid. They are just stupid. Country music singers have always sang about trucks, dogs and guns, and all the things we criticize here. It is just that the songs were not stupid!! There is nothing wrong with singing about how you roll if there is a story there. You’re dancing on top of a moving truck that even goes around a wining road – where there is a party inside and hot pornish-looking girls are posing on the tire or wiggling for someone. Well, that’s just stupid.

             4 likes

  • Another crappy bro country anthem that starts off with more talk about a country and rap mixtape to try to sell everyone on the monogenre. The rapping and lyrics are hilarious! Nittos, seato, frito, burrito. How many times has “this is how we roll” been said and done?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf7z9IF5M_0

    Is it just me or does the synth in Ready, Set, Roll sound like that rap song? I’ve always looked forward to the days country acts would pick rappers for influences and copy them! ;)

       0 likes

  • This song is pretty awful. That Tim McGraw song is about as bad as it gets though (which trigger ranted about).. This is a close second, beating out 1994!

       0 likes

  • God, this song sucks! This video is so stupid! But, on the plus side, perfect recipe for a rant!

       1 likes

  • they were cruisin’, now they’re rollin…any guesses what they will be doin next…cant be chillin’ cause cole swindell took that one

       8 likes

  • I’m a winner two times here – read the article and had a good laugh, and then didn’t watch the video!!

       4 likes

  • To paraphrase the principal from ‘Billy Madison’…

    “Florida Georgia Line & Luke Bryan, what you’ve just released is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent attempt at music were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational song. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your souls.”

       2 likes

  • One other note; this shit makes Eric Church look like a musical genius. :)

       3 likes

  • Kevin Fowler is just Kevin Fowler coz he’s Kevin Fowler and just writes lame Kevin Fowler songs and would never go Jason Isbell coz he’s Kevin Fowler,..,BUT THESE GUYS SUCK!!!

       2 likes

  • Only could stomach :56. I need a shower. I feel greasy.

       1 likes

  • Trigger, usually I agree with you, but here I have to take a stand. This is DEFINITELY DEFINITELY the worst song of all time. You went way too light on it. Holy mother of God that song was awful, I feel like I need to take a shower! If I wasn’t sure that it would infiltrate my ears on country radio in a matter of days anyway, I would hold you personally responsible and possibly consider a lawsuit on the grounds of assault by audio.

    My favorite part of the video: the “rap” hands that apparently are de rigueur for videos like this. What really makes this song stand out below the rest is how embarrassingly, embarrassingly awful the “rap” is. I’m quite confident that it will never see a pop remix with a real rapper because the lines are so bad no one would stoop low enough to oblige.

    I don’t understand how anyone past: (1) an eighth grader that thinks Spencer’s is cool or (2) an interrogator at Guantanamo can stand this garbage. My faith in humanity has been shaken to it’s core. I’m going to go sit in the dark for a few hours and talk to Siri.

       6 likes

  • Deep V-necks, wife beaters, pocket chains, bro accessories, explosions, white dudes imitating black dudes…It’s all here folks. Solid country gold.

       4 likes

  • Wondered how Travis Pastrana would rebound from his disastrous attempt at a NASCAR career, and now we know, by making a cameo appearance in the stupidest video of all time.

       0 likes

  • “deep v neck shirts with weird shit written on them.” I love it. About as awesome as those damn “tap out” MMA shirts worn by overweight middle aged men.

       2 likes

  • that may have been the most beautiful thing I’ve read all week.

       0 likes

  • Also, a “Hank” and “Drake” mixtape would be absolutely terrible, like terrible

       4 likes

  • I know that country music has had trucks in it for a long time, long enough to become a cliche. But at least in the past the guys singing about trucks looked and sounded as if they’d driven one at least once in their lives.

    These guys don’t come off as authentic, either as truckers or as rappers. They remind me of the scene from the Clint Eastwood movie Gran Torino where the pathetic white kid was trying to placate some black toughs by calling them “bro”.

       8 likes

  • SNL needs to do a parody of these guys starring Elijah Wood and Neil Patrick Harris, where NPH doesn’t say a word the entire time, but moves his lips at random intervals.

       2 likes

  • Damn! Why isn’t there a low bridge when you need one???!!!

       0 likes

  • Arugh Just when I thought these 3 douche bags especially FGL couldn’t sink any lower FGL are now going to tour with Nelly this summer. They ought to call it the PHD tour that stands for Piled Higher and Deeper.

       4 likes

  • I know you have addressed this before, but seriously, what does that second Florida Georgia Line guy do? He is a complete waste of space! It’s actually a relief to hear Luke Bryan come in.

       1 likes

    • Writing session

      Tyler: “This is how”
      Brian: “we roll”

      Tyler: “Yeah you can find us”
      Brian: “where the party’s at”

      Tyler: “Tell me how”
      Brian: “you like it”

      Tyler: “Itz just what”
      Brian: “we do”

      Tyler: “Dayum”
      Brian: “baby”

      Tyler: “Yeah”
      Brian: “baby”

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK-4W7c0BgE

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p6MlkxfaYI

         3 likes

  • Why are Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line standing in front of a big explosion? Because they’re fucking awesome, that’s why. And you probably don’t get that because you’re all old and shit and your pubes are probably gray and you think that country music should be Hank Williams played over and over again which is boring. Get over it. Country music has changed man, and there’s now redundant wallet chains, deep V-neck shirts with weird crap written on them, popped collars modeled with douchebag poses, and super awesome explosions for no reason. And we love it ’cause this is how we roll, yo!

    God Trigger, you’re awesome! I Love you! It’s a good thing you’re not real famous, you’d be a nightmare.

       3 likes

  • I feel that country really wants to be metal or rock or rap, but the banjos and slide guitars just kill it all. Sure you got the explosions and shit, but really, if you want to rock, get more distortions, and smash the banjos and bring more guitars. If you wanna be ballar, you get some DJs and ditch the entire band.

    Of course, even mainstream rock and rap isn’t like this shit, it never will. Sure there’s pretty shitty rap and rock, hell, rap rock? But this is just a diper I can’t change.

       2 likes

    • What banjos and slide? I gave it another listen and heard a little background banjo or doBRO ;) buried but that’s not what’s killing the country, rock and rap here. It’s the lyrics, vocals, auto-tune, and overproduction. It’s like they tossed a song from each genre in a blender. A bro smoothie.

         6 likes

      • That’s another contributing factor, no only in just country but in music these days in general. You can’t just play it live and clean anymore, you have to have something programmed or edited electronically.

        Oh, and even though I’m trying to be anonymous, oddly my name is also Chris.

        And one more thing, I actually didn’t even watch the video before I commented (I heard the song before though and I agree it sucks). After installing flash player again, I was able to watch it and by just looking at their skinny jeans, it makes me wonder what happened to the “comfortable fit” jeans with hole you actually tore yourself.

        Maybe if the semi they’re standing on could of just cross a powerline, we would never deal with these two idiots again.

           0 likes

  • id rather listen to a mule fart in a tin barn……i want my 3 minutes of my life back

       5 likes

    • That would be more entertaining than this shiot.

         1 likes

  • What I give a shit about is that they are actually allowed to call this country music.
    What I don’t give a shit about is that if I went to You Tube, I would find that this four minute pile of raw sewage has a few million hits on it.
    This is why I don’t give a shit.
    The review was pristine.

       0 likes

  • See this is why we need music education and no not band practice though that would be great too. But music education in the same way English is taught. You are force fed the classic novels why not get force fed the classic albums “Red Headed Stranger”, “Coat Of Many Colors” etc. Sure some kids will flat out hate it but without that kind of exposure many kids who would probably like it will never know it is out there because for some reason most youth today have a complete lack of curiosity.

    Also I’m the same age a Luke Bryan and why anyone would want to market themselves to girls is beyond me they are quite boring and unintellectual on the whole. Older women have life experience and fire and can teach you a thing or too, like lighting a match with your teeth (thanks grandma). No wonder his music is so bland he has to appeal to people with almost zero life experience and that isn’t that hard I guess.

       0 likes

  • I agree with you on this one trigger! This song makes me want to rip my ears off and feed them to my German Shepard.

       1 likes

  • Bear:

    I hate Puke Bryan with every fiber of my body. So please do not think I am defending him. But there is a simple answer to why a 37 year old man like him would market himself to preteen and teenage girls. It is because they are the majority of those who are actually paying for music in stores and online anymore. Minimum effort….maximum returns.

       1 likes

  • This music is so hip and today. It’s like your grandpa wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt. Soon everyone will be listening to country music.

       0 likes

  • Just seen this horribly put together song and music video this morning. WTF is about all I have to say. Swear the best part of the video, and even that is a sad and sorry pathetic excuse was the W9 and even that was downgraded with the lot lizards dancing on it. Wait…I could’ve found more respectable women in the party row of a dallas T/A. Just pathetic to say the least. I have no fucking idea how people can think pretty boy and his rope sucking partner actually put together decent music or how they can listen to that shit for more than 5 minutes without wanting to stab their ear drums with toothpicks. I’m beginning to think country music has died and all we have left is the songs that this new generation considers boring. God help us all.

       1 likes

  • Now that it’s gaining serious traction and I’m beginning to encounter it more often, I guess the rap verse is simply too much for certain segments of the country radio crowd. I can get four country stations here, two Canadian (I live about forty-five minutes from the border), and on at least one Hubbard’s rapping and the second iteration of the chorus is omitted, skipping directly to Bryan’s platitudinous prattle. Low as they might be it is nice to know some stations have standards, at least.

       2 likes

  • Bro-Country is an ok term to describe this crap, but I think Hick-Hop is more appropriate. Using the word country to describe this is offensive. Hick-Hop. Or just Radio-Diarrhea.

       0 likes

  • Not that I’m surprised any, considering I could see this from miles away, but…………….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    *

    https://twitter.com/jasonderulo/status/470229597661843456

    This is how we roooooollll… #comingsoon #countrymusic #whynot #wigglewigglewiggle http://instagram.com/p/oYphwpsyCN/

    *

    Can we say as many as another twenty weeks at #1 on the mongrel Hot Country Songs chart are in order for the pop re-mix? =X

       0 likes

    • That supposed collab between FGL & Jason Derulo is gonna be grade A bullcrap. Now I’m gonna listen to some good Frank Foster music.

         0 likes

  • Luke Bryan is the biggest tool on the planet. He reminds me of Matthew McCougnehy or however you spell that idiots name. These turds need to just go hide in a cave somewhere and keep there big ass noses off the screen for a few seconds. morons

       0 likes

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