Luke Bryan Rolls Big Black Jacked Up Truck Into Pond

luke-bryanLuke Bryan and his other bro-tastic pop country pseudo-rapping laundry list-espousing pretty boys may love to sing about big ol’ pickup trucks, but it has always been circumspect if they could even pilot one in a pinch. Maybe Luke had a little too much of that “real good stuff up under the seat of his big black jacked up truck,” or maybe the floozy he was riding with heard “hand me another beer” one too many times (references to his #1 song “That’s My Kind of Night” people, keep up!), but either way, Luke Bryan’s ride ended up in the drink a few days ago. Luckily the matching henna tattoo he got with Jason Aldean did not get wet in the incident.

“Before y’all get out of your truck. Make sure to put it in park. Trust me.” Luke Bryan tweeted, along with a picture of his submerged pickup. Maybe Luke should have written the directions for setting the parking break on his hand like he did the words to the National Anthem.

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We all do stupid things and maybe it’s not fair to laugh, but I’m still waiting for Luke Bryan to do something that is not stupid. Even the catfish sucking up Frito crumbs off his floorboards are saying, “Man, what a douchebag.” Lucky for Luke, his appropriately-titled album Crash My Party just went platinum, so he can probably afford seven more of these to screw up at his leisure.

A friendly suggestion to Luke Bryan and his ilk: stick to traversing the backroads and ponds vicariously through your songs just like your suburban-dwelling listeners do. The country can be a very, very dangerous place.

‘Merica.