Oct
3

Luke Bryan Rolls Big Black Jacked Up Truck Into Pond

October 3, 2013 - By Trigger  //  Down with Pop Country  //  38 Comments

luke-bryanLuke Bryan and his other bro-tastic pop country pseudo-rapping laundry list-espousing pretty boys may love to sing about big ol’ pickup trucks, but it has always been circumspect if they could even pilot one in a pinch. Maybe Luke had a little too much of that “real good stuff up under the seat of his big black jacked up truck,” or maybe the floozy he was riding with heard “hand me another beer” one too many times (references to his #1 song “That’s My Kind of Night” people, keep up!), but either way, Luke Bryan’s ride ended up in the drink a few days ago. Luckily the matching henna tattoo he got with Jason Aldean did not get wet in the incident.

“Before y’all get out of your truck. Make sure to put it in park. Trust me.” Luke Bryan tweeted, along with a picture of his submerged pickup. Maybe Luke should have written the directions for setting the parking break on his hand like he did the words to the National Anthem.

luke-bryan-truck-pond-crash

We all do stupid things and maybe it’s not fair to laugh, but I’m still waiting for Luke Bryan to do something that is not stupid. Even the catfish sucking up Frito crumbs off his floorboards are saying, “Man, what a douchebag.” Lucky for Luke, his appropriately-titled album Crash My Party just went platinum, so he can probably afford seven more of these to screw up at his leisure.

A friendly suggestion to Luke Bryan and his ilk: stick to traversing the backroads and ponds vicariously through your songs just like your suburban-dwelling listeners do. The country can be a very, very dangerous place.

‘Merica.

38 Comments to “Luke Bryan Rolls Big Black Jacked Up Truck Into Pond”

  • HA!

       4 likes

  • If he can’t even put a truck in park how did he get his license?

       7 likes

  • Probably a fake photo op to go with the rest of his fake self. “Boys, you ain’t backwoods, dirt road, country, ’til you run your pick up truck in the pond”. I can almost hear the song now. He’s got “hick cred” now.

       18 likes

    • I agree.

      Now we await the inevitable song and video.

      At least Brian Jones (RIP, formerly of the Stones) was a remarkably talented guitar player when he drove his Rolls Royce or Bentley into his pool.

         4 likes

  • what a shitdick!!!

       7 likes

  • Sweet irony, you sow cheesy songs about trucks you reap your ride ending up in the drink, freakin’ pefect. The country music gods strike back against this heretic !

       8 likes

  • Ha thats too funny. Maybe he should worry less about how to “shake it for all the underage girls” and more on not being a doucebag.

    I saw an interview once where he said he drank maybe once or twice a year….then why so many songs that reference alcohol?

       9 likes

  • What kind of a moron doesn’t put on his parking brake and lets this happen? Oh yeah….Luke Bryan.

    Keith L. is right, though.This smacks of Luke Bryan fakery through and through. No doubt it’s a staged stunt. “I’m so outlaw I lost a truck in a pond!”.

    Douchenozzle.

       10 likes

  • Am I the only one fairly surprised that he doesn’t even have a top-class Silverado? o_O You’d think he’d at least get the Z71 package.. Guess it’s something I’ll never know.

       5 likes

    • I more suprised it’s not jacked up.

         7 likes

  • This is nothing but a strategic photo-op. Trust me.

    Let’s face it: when you’ve just sold over half a million units in your opening week (the most of any solo male country act since Kenny Chesney’s “The Road and the Radio”) and your public profile and commercial stature has surged exponentially, you run a much greater risk at being spoiled by success. Or becoming increasingly detached from your core fanbase because of the lack of intimacy enjoyed earlier on as you were starting out.

    Then you become subjected to increasing speculation that you’ve “forgotten your way” and are urged: “Remember who you are and where you came from.” This is a frequent, familiar crossroads that countless artists have happened upon during their salad days of fame, and indeed one that has clouded countless careers. I think Luke Bryan and his management team are expressing increasing concern with exactly how rapidly he has scaled the rungs of commercial stature much like Florida-Georgia Line, and are afraid his downhome, “Aw shucks!”, affable buck-toothed country boy image will be obscured by his exploding upward momentum…………thus resulting in potential backlash and a disconnect from his core listening demographic at a cultural standpoint.

    And thus, we come to this. Capitol Records Nashville President/CEO Bill Hearn, Universal Music Group Nashville President Mike Dungan and company told Bryan “Look, Luke, we need to maintain your country credibility and downhome image! So here’s what we’re proposing for starters! Mid-week, we’re going down to the closest, rural pond we can find and what we want you to do is make it look like you’ve got your big jacked-up truck stuck there! It’s important for your fans to see you haven’t changed and are one of them, and when they look at pictures like this, they’ll be convinced you still like mudding and driving down back roads!”

    It’s all marketing and calculation. And you can expect this photo-op will be followed by more.

       9 likes

    • I have to agree there.

      a) If you have millions and buy a truck, it doesn’t make sense you’d walk off the lot without getting the best one (unless this is a borrowed truck?).

      b) Why would someone like Luke Bryan have a toolbox in the bed? I just don’t see it. I’ve never had a toolbox in my truck bed and most people don’t except for contractors. It just seems fishy to me.

      c) There’s no downhill slope there. The truck is too far in to have just coasted in without stopping earlier (I’ve seen a truck that rolled into a pond). There’s a couple feet drop right off the edge there. If it rolled in neutral or in drive, I suspect it would have only gone in about half as far. Imagine the tilt that would have occured as the front tires went in (it should have stuck only half way in I bet). I really think it was pushed that far in.

      You know it wasn’t that long ago his “Rain is a good thing” video came out loaded up with authentic looking country people trying to make it look like those were his people.

         10 likes

      • Where I live.tool boxes are in lots of trucks beside contractors.

           1 likes

    • I’m enjoying the conspiracy theories, but my biggest question would be why not stage something that doesn’t make him look like an idiot? Why not getting it stuck in the mud of a back road? That’s more understandable, and you don’t have to submerge a truck.

         10 likes

      • Perhaps because “Georgia clay” doesn’t wash off of $700 designer skinny jeans and Winter 2014 catalogCesare Paciotti boots easily? ;)

           13 likes

        • Seezar Pasgetti, who???

             2 likes

      • Trigger, your conspiracy suggestions are correct, but those would make sense. Your talking about a guy and a team that thought wearing glitter jeans was a good idea.

        Also…who’s the kid? Celebs don’t generally like to put kids in photos. I would have believed if it was a “mistake” Luke actually made, he would be standing by the tailgate and laughing “oops”, not the one taking the photo with a child in the image.

        I also bet you dollars to donuts, you could probably zoom in enough on that photo (if you downloaded it) and catch a portion of the license plate to determine the state.
        Stick to bullshit songs Puke not bullshit photos.

           1 likes

        • As someone who has literally sunken / drowned several vehicles, I call bullshit – from the picture, I think the only way this could have been real is if it happened at night when they were drunkasfuck.com….if this was the case though, judging from my similar experienceS, you do everything and anything you can to get said truck out (before daybreak) which results in a huge fucking mess / mud / ruts / etc…look how clean it is.

          I have pictures to back up my stories…..unfortunately…..but am with the conspiracy folks on this one. Even if they weren’t fucked up I guarantee you that they would have at least tried to get it out and it would have some pertty visible evidence.

          My last point has already been said but you think this dude would buy a HALF TON TRUCK?? I’d think he’d need something like (minimally) an F650 (for compensatory issues alone). Oh and where’s the cooler these guys are so keen to sing about?

             5 likes

        • The kid is apparently Luke’s oldest son Bo.

             0 likes

          • If that is his son, then it would be hilarious but somewhat disturbing to find out that this was a stunt. Could he really use his own kid as a prop while perpetrating a hoax?

               0 likes

  • Nobody’s talking about the real story here, which is that Luke Bryan keeps kids chained up in the back of his drowning pickups.

       27 likes

  • I do not believe this is a staged picture.

    If this was fake he would of captioned his tweet with something else like….

    “Too much fun? What’s that mean?” Or maybe Yolo lol

       1 likes

  • Hard to figure out how that got so far in with no downhill slope. I wonder if he was letting the kid in the picture drive the truck around that field and he hit the gas instead of the brake.

       1 likes

  • I’m surprised he doesn’t actually drive a Prius.

       4 likes

  • “Driving my prius down the lost highway” (kasey anderson – some depression)

    Just heard that song a little while ago what a great line

       1 likes

  • This has got to be fake. Think about it logically – if he had forgotten to put it in park he would have realized it as soon as he let off the brake – no way someone would walk out of a truck thinking it was in part if it was moving.

       2 likes

    • Remember, this is LUKE BRYAN.

         4 likes

    • Just because the truck was in drive or neutral doesn’t mean it would start moving immediately, especially in a field with grass and stuff.

         1 likes

  • Luke Bryan’s son wanted to get out of the truck. I told him, “NO! They expect one of us at the wreckage, brother!!!”

       5 likes

  • Had too much of that real good feel good stuff
    up under the seat of his big black jacked up truck
    forgot to put on the brake
    now it’s up in the lake

       12 likes

  • I’m focusing on the door being open – how could it have stayed open??

    Seems like the force of the water would have, at a minimum. pushed the door pretty close to being shut. It’s not proof of anything, but it certainly lends credence to the thought that some part of this “event” was staged.

       3 likes

  • I didn’t know it was a requirement that a person be a “real” redneck/hick/hillbilly to write country songs. Maybe we should ban anybody not seriously driving a truck the way ‘good ol’ boys’ think it should be driven from owning one. Oh, wait, that won’t happen b/c I drive a truck. Not b/c I’m pure country but b/c I WANT TO!

    Also, I have seen ponds with sloping, beach-like shores that a truck could feasibly roll that far into. However, with my F150 you can’t take the keys out of the ignition w/o placing the truck in Park. I never exit my truck w/o the parking brake applied. I love my truck and would just die if this happened!

    He should have bought a Ford. :D

       1 likes

  • To bad he didn’t have that good ole country boy kid rock with him! What a bunch of dumb asses.

       0 likes

  • That truck is washed up…… Puke Bryan will be too in 3 years – when your flavor of the week frat boy douche poser country fans move to the next “New” pop country flavor. Keep rocking the skinny jeans though, Im sure they’re useful for swimming out of new trucks.

       4 likes

  • Why are you all trashing luke? In my job I see people do way worse than this to their vehicles. He was feeding his catfish and his mind was elsewhere. Big deal. Truck is replaceable. Phew is not. Glad no one was hurt.

       1 likes

  • he should of put it in park not drive

       0 likes

  • the only thing about big black jacked up truck that is true is the black truck part

       0 likes

    • It’s jacked up now.

         0 likes

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