Porn Industry Threatens Suit Against “XXX” Music

Ever since Shooter Jennings proposed labeling music that is too rock for country, and too country for rock with the letters “XXX”, the issue has been heated in some circles, causing conflict and turf wars amongst country and roots music’s underground and independent entities. Now “XXX” music has drawn the ire of a new foe, America’s $14-billion dollar-a-year pornography industry.

“I didn’t bang a whole South American soccer team just to have some stupid, no-name musicians come steal my thunder”, says Alexxxis Stardust, star of such pornography films as Cougars in Heat #4, Couples Bang the Babysitter, and Lez Stravaganza #12. “I mean maybe if they were actually good musician’s like Ke$ha or Kanye West I’d be like ‘Hell yeah, let’s party!” But these are just a bunch of gross boring people who play stupid music and probably let their pubes grow wild.

Porn industry spokesman Charles Frankenfurter took a more somber approach to the possibility of legal action against XXX, the music version. “We believe this is a serious matter, and that there could be legal ramifications involved. Think about it, go up to anybody on the street, anybody, mention the letters ‘XXX’, and ask them what they think of. How many do you think will say ‘music’? I guarantee you, 99 out of 100 will say ‘porn’, and the 1 will be Vin Diesel’s mother.”

Frankenfurter says the matter comes down to respect. “Of all things, why name to music something that is already established, unless your plan is to profit off of the work others have already done? Why not start your own thing from scratch, like we did? Why must you start by robbing from others?”

Charles Frankenfurter says he also doesn’t want the pornography consumer confused.

“What if someone goes looking for porn, and accidentally stumbles on to this music? We don’t want music representing what we do, it could give us a bad image. The industry is already hurting from the infiltration of amateurs into the business, and the digitization and bootlegging of intellectual property. Now we have to get in a naming-rights battle with music in the midst of an identity crisis.”

Sources tell Saving Country Music the porn industry is planning to launch a website: “givemebackmyxxx.com” to counter music’s “givememyxxx.com”, as well as start an online petition.

“They better respect our turf!” threatens Alexxxis Stardust. “I know a lot of soccer players who aren’t afraid to get rough, and I mean, a lot!