Saving Country Music’s 2013 ACA Awards LIVE Blog
Alright listen folks, the first thing that you need to appreciate about the American Country Awards is that they don’t matter. It is a completely fabricated awards show construed by FOX. They’re just jealous the other networks get the CMA’s and the ACM’s, and so they made up their own. Even worse, these awards are fan voted, and as we know by looking at the makeup of our elected officials, this is always a bad idea.
Nothing that transpires tonight will matter in the grand scheme, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t point and laugh, give our observations, or completely discount and event that will be seen by millions. So stretch out your refresh fingers as the timeline below will fill up as the night transpires, and feel free to pipe up in the comments section below.
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9:10 – So this awards Show is a joke, and that goes without saying. But the awkwardness, the pauses, the flat jokes, and the amount of mis-speaks by the presenters was quite stunning, and I think speaks to the low esteem many of the participants had for this event. Everybody knows this is going to be a third-tier event, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a train wreck. The playing of Florida Georgia Line when you’re presenting your biggest “award” for Artist of the Year is downright embarrassing. I have no love for Luke Bryan, but any artist deserves better than that. There was also some rap song coming out of a commercial break, not a country rap by a country artist, just a hip-hop song with no explanation. You don’t have to go far to find the opinion that nobody takes the ACA’s seriously, and that’s the stigma they have to get over. And all the flubs just played right into their critic’s hand. There were more failed bits than a high school talent show.
The one huge positive note was LeAnn Rime’s Patsy Cline performance. Once again, it was a random decision by the producers. Why not tribute George Jones? But LeAnn had me me covered in goosebumps, and she absolutely blew everyone away. We will be talking about that performance for a long time.
Thanks for reading everyone!
9:03 – Thanks everybody for following along! I will compose a few final closing thoughts….
8:58 – Sorry Trace, but you’re “Little Drummer Boy” rendition is going over like a poop in the Christmas punch bowl.
8:56 – Trace Adkins comes out with a drum line singing “Little Drummer Boy” from a supposed Christmas record he’s trying to peddle that nobody knew about.
8:51 – Did you notice that when Luke Bryan was walking up after being announced as the Artist of the Year, they weren’t playing him, but Florida Georgia Line? This thing is such a train wreck.
8:50 – Luke Bryan wins the meaningless ACA Award for Artist of the Year.
8:49 – Not gonna lie, still reeling from the LeAnn Rimes performance so much, I didn’t even have the heart to rag on Clot Ford.
8:47 – Brian Kelley of Florida Georgia Line is wearing a downright lacen bodice and their guitar player has a 2-foot mohawk. Beam me up.
8:45 – …and the Gary Allan continues the trend of completely fumbling lines by presenters.
8:44 – Trace Adkins give props to LeAnn Rimes coming out of the commercial break, taking his hat off to her. Good on him. It was worth it.
8:41 – Two guns way up for LeAnn Rimes and her Patsy Cline tribute. Amazing.
8:37 – Say what you want about LeAnn, but she is the closest thing to Patsy our generation has ever had. She’s killing it here.
8:35 – Pretty cool tribute to Patsy Cline being sung by LeAnn Rimes in sepia-toned color.
8:34 – Am I the only one horrifically disturbed by the way Luke Bryan said “Patsy”?
8:33 – Yes, the ACA’s just came out of commercial break to a straight up rap song with absolutely no explanation.
8:32 – Someone please tell me this is only a two hour show.
8:28 – You’d think with Scotty McCreery feeding off the supple, supple American Idol teat, he could afford something more than a plastic coat.
8:26 – The ACA Award for Group of the Year goes to Lady Antebellum.
8:22 – Simular?
8:20 – “Oh my God, Taylor Swift is like the bestest artist like it the whole entire world and stuff!!!”
8:18 – The “Worldwide Artist” Award? Whose 11-year-old daughter texted the name of these awards in on her Cricket phone?
8:15 – I have no idea who Parmalee is, but they look like they all drive Saabs.
8:14 – Dude, these bits are falling so flat.
8:12 – Nothing whips my ass more than the fake wave or point out into the crowd by pop country stars like they recognize someone.
8:11 – When you see Justin Moore performing on an awards show, you know it’s not legitimate.
8:04 – “Video Visionary Award” seems so incredibly random.
8:01 – Nothing says country like synchronized lasers.
7:59 – Brad Paisley wins some “Video Visionary” award.
7:57 – Dwight Yoakam!
7:56 – And yes folks, if you didn’t catch that Trace Adkins had the fly of his flame suit on the wrong side of up.
7:52 – The mascot for Mad Magazine Scotty McCreery wins the ACA for for something. Sorry, I was busy fielding attacks on Twitter.
7:50 – Trace Adkins delivers jokes like old people have sex. I’m telling you, the in-between banter is unbearable.
7:49 –Uh, you feel a breeze in that flame suit Trace?
7:47 – Now I know why Danica is hosting. Because tonight features songs and artists who are used to running mid pack. The crowd doesn’t even the words to the songs.
7:45 – The only way they could get Sheryl Crow to show up is by telling her this was really a global warming conference. She was shocked to find out Trace Adkins arrived in a fleet of 7 Hummers, and used a spotted owl to work the knots out of his pony tail.
7:41 – Just take a second to appreciate that Big Smo quote below. This is “country” in 2013.
7:38 – “A Little Bit Gypsy” is one of the better Keillie Pickler songs on an okay album. Still can’t help but root for her.
7:36 – Have no idea who half of these presenters are.
7:35 – Blake Shelton’s “Based On A True Story” wins the ACA for Album of the Year.
7:32 – “There was a time when you had to choose between country or hip-hop. But not any more!” — Big Smo
7:30 – Yes, 2/3-rds of the unholy Badonkatonk trinity is present at the ACA’s. Jamey Johnson had another, more important engagement . . . . . . taking bong rips in his cabin in Alabama.
7:28 – …and the DJ doesn’t even use vinyl. Deejay Silver is a hack. Quote me.
7:26 – By the way, the guy up there with Florida Georgia Line was their producer, Joey Moi. Who else is Joey Moi famous for producing? Anyone? Anyone? Hint? Douchiest band in history?
That’s right, Nickelback.
7:24 – Most award shows have a house band. The ACAs have a prickly-headed DJ.
7:23 – The ACA for Single of the Year goes to “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line. In other news, water is wet.
7:22 – The only good thing Sara Evans ever did in country music was dump douchebag Brantley Gilbert. ***Apparently Brantley Gilbert was engaged to Jana Kramer, not Sara Evans. My apologies Sara.
7:20 – Can’t hate on Billy Gibbons, even for slumming it on this show. The man can shred. Jimi Hendrix once called him his favorite guitar player. Billy’s beard has more soul than all the other performers this evening combined.
7:18 – This Jake Owen song is just shitty enough to be a mega hit.
7:16 – Stop the presses, a REAL musician has been spotted! Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top!
7:13 – Florida Georgia Line’s handlers told them this was the Grammy’s, and the dude they bought an 8 ball from out in the parking lot told them the Dr. Sholls foot power was high-grade cocaine.
7:11 – This show is bombing. I can sense folks clicking over to the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in droves.
7:10 – And the ACA for Male Artist of the Year is Luke Bryan.
7:06 – This intro is boming. My head is on my desk.
7:03 – WOW! I didn’t know The Lumineers were performing. This gets my curly hipster mustache tingling. Everybody, let’s start a string band!
7:02 – Trace Adkin’s delivery is about as dry as a cracker in a kiln. This is going to be a long night.
7:00 – Just like NASCAR, we’ll devote 50% of our coverage to Danica Patrick, even though her hosting duties will be the equivalent of running in the back of the pack all night, and wrecking out at lap 72.
6:55 – Interesting note about the Danica Patrick pick as host. She admits she didn’t even listen to country until 18 months ago. Her hosting this is a total cross-marketing play for NASCAR fans since NASCAR is also shown on FOX and they see it as matching demographics.
6:50 – Artists slated to perform on the ACA’s are LeAnn Rimes, Justin Moore, Randy Houser, Thomas Rhett, Brad Paisley, Lady Antebellum, Florida Georgia Line, Jake Owen, Kellie Pickler, Sheryl Crow and Darius Rucker.
Some artists set to “appear” include Luke Bryan, Jewel, Clot Ford, and Dwight Yoakam.
It will be hosted by Mr. Badonkadonk himself, Trace Adkins, and NASCAR’S Danica Patrick.
Dave
December 10, 2013 @ 6:12 pm
“They”™re is jealous the other networks get the CMA”™s and the ACM”™s, and so they made up their own.”
Did you mean to say that “They’re JUST jealous the other networks get the CMA”™s and the ACM”™s, and so they made up their own.”
Also, thanks for watching and suffering through this shitshow so we don’t have to. I really appreciate it.
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 6:16 pm
Yes, thanks for the heads up. This blog truly is live. There will be typos. We don’t have the benefit of auto-correct like the performers have the benefit of Auto tune.
Dave
December 10, 2013 @ 6:29 pm
Isn’t FGL’s award the first win for a Big Machine artist in the history of the ACAs?
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 6:44 pm
If a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody around to hear it . . . .
But I do think this is the first year Big Machine has maybe paid attention to them.
Meaghan
December 10, 2013 @ 6:37 pm
I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched the ACAs. Is this for real? WTF?
Jeb barry
December 10, 2013 @ 6:49 pm
So judging by the girls they stuck in the stage pits…I guess ugly women don’t listen to country music….or is this simply a reflection of how women are portrayed in country songs today?
Meaghan
December 10, 2013 @ 7:37 pm
Why can’t Luke say “Patsy?”
Meaghan
December 10, 2013 @ 7:39 pm
HA! Trigger caught it too!
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 7:55 pm
I wanted to rip my ears right off my head. The most dissonant pronunciation of “Patsy” audible to the human ear,
Ryan
December 10, 2013 @ 7:42 pm
Hmm, a patsy can’t even pronounce Patsy right.
Ed
December 10, 2013 @ 7:49 pm
Highlight of LeAnn to lowlight Florida Georgia Line
Shupe
December 10, 2013 @ 7:55 pm
This show is pathetic overall… Had a good laugh though when Luke Bryan won artist of the year and the background music after me was announced was Florida Georgia line…. I’m still waiting to see an actual country awards show… Popular country music is a disgrace to the genre
Meaghan
December 10, 2013 @ 7:56 pm
Who was in charge of playing the FGL song when Luke won?
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 9:26 pm
Probably some lowly board engineer who no longer has a job. Or it was that Deejay Silver guy. They should fire everyone in charge of the production of that show.
Meaghan
December 10, 2013 @ 7:59 pm
I’m going to guess that those two cymbal-playing kids didn’t realize they were on camera when they faked/missed hitting their cymbals together?
Michael Powell
December 10, 2013 @ 8:05 pm
Still shakin my head on Biggie Smalls talking about country rap. lol
Rachel
December 10, 2013 @ 8:24 pm
I’m watching and I am sooo embarrassed for Trace …yikes.
Ohhh noooo, the costumes and lousy jokes. This show is like the boneyard for old junkers.
A.B.
December 10, 2013 @ 8:31 pm
What if the producers were so boneheaded that they thought George Jones died in 1963 & Patsy Cline died this year? LeAnn did a great job though.
Gena R.
December 10, 2013 @ 8:49 pm
“7:45 – The only way they could get Sheryl Crow to show up is by telling her this was really a global warming conference. She was shocked to find out Trace Adkins arrived in a fleet of 7 Hummers, and used a spotted owl to work the knots out of his pony tail.”
😀
I would’ve like to see her (and LeAnn and Kellie, too), but there was no way I was going to sit through this bogus show. Thanks for the funny write-up!
DeAnne
December 10, 2013 @ 9:46 pm
some of us actually enjoyed this show. It didn’t have the same old same old. LeAnn Rimes was the highlight of the show.
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 10:23 pm
I will give you that. These award shows have become the same exact performers over and over recently as country music power consolidates around a few select artists. Most were still not my speed, but this show highlighted some of the up-and-comers and songwriters who usually get snubbed by the bigger award shows, as well as more established artists like LeAnn Rimes and Kellie Pickler who for whatever reason don’t get the bigger show slots. Though it was probably out of necessity, it was still good to see some fresh faces.
Eric
December 10, 2013 @ 10:12 pm
““A Little Bit Gypsy” is one of the better Keillie Pickler songs on an okay album.”
If the album is just okay, then why is it on the essential albums list?
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 10:25 pm
It’s a good album. It’s okay because we know that Kellie could do better, but didn’t. I always measure music not just against its peers, but against the potential of the artist.
Eric
December 10, 2013 @ 10:13 pm
“The only good thing Sara Evans ever did in country music was dump douchebag Brantley Gilbert.”
Counterpoint:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIYolYfOhIM
Scotty J
December 10, 2013 @ 10:25 pm
That was actually Jana Kramer who dumped Brantley Gilbert. Sara Evans has been married to former Alabama QB Jay Barker for a number of years.
Plus, I’d have to respectfully disagree with Trigger and say that some of Sara Evans early stuff was very good like her debut single ‘Three Chords And The Truth.’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qliQyX14lal
Scotty J
December 10, 2013 @ 10:26 pm
Damn link didn’t work but it’s still a very good song!
Trigger
December 10, 2013 @ 10:27 pm
Well screw me. Shows how much attention I pay to celebrity gossip news.
Scotty J
December 10, 2013 @ 10:34 pm
Ha! It was all the rage on Taste Of Country, Trigger!
justchristal
December 11, 2013 @ 12:07 am
I thought you did the Sara Evans/Jana Kramer thing on purpose. Regardless, it is still hilarious.
Eric
December 10, 2013 @ 10:32 pm
Very nice song. Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qliQyX14laI
Sara Evans has an exquisite voice.
Scotty J
December 10, 2013 @ 10:41 pm
Thanks for the fixed link Eric. And for proof that the more things change the more they stay the same this song didn’t even reach the top 40 on the country charts back in 1997 because it was considered to country and Sara wasn’t model thin. She had to pop it up a little and get sexier for the hits to start rolling. It’s always been tough for women in country.
Eric
December 10, 2013 @ 11:28 pm
It’s true that women have always been at a disadvantage in country music (and many other genres). However, I would argue that the 90s were actually the high point for women in country. The top stars of that era were largely female: Martina McBride, Reba McEntire, Pam Tillis, Faith Hill, Shania Twain, Chely Wright, Trisha Yearwood, Mary Chapin Carpenter, and many others. The situation was almost the opposite of today, when mainstream country music is completely male dominated and there are weeks when every song on the Billboard Country top 10 is by a male singer.
Scotty J
December 10, 2013 @ 11:45 pm
Yes but my point was more that her music was considered too country at the beginning of her career. I wouldn’t call any of those women with the possible exception of Pam Tillis traditional leaning. And I would say that McBride, Hill, Twain, and even Reba were marketed greatly on sex appeal. There have been dozens of unattractive male singers have great success but for women physical appearance has always been almost a pre requisite for success.
Karen
December 11, 2013 @ 7:24 am
Whaaaa………..? Has it gotten so bad in Nashville that they have to have a weekly awards show handing out participation trophies? Nice job Leann.
If Nashville isn’t careful, they are going to become pas s`e…wait!
Tim
December 11, 2013 @ 7:45 am
Leann Rimes crushed it. To bad the fans in the front (mostly teenage girls) had no clue who or what she was singing about. But, Leann did. She even got emotional at the end, you can tell she has a lot of respect for Ms. Cline. Thank GOD they didn’t have anyone else try to do the tribute, nobody else could have.
Any catch a small dig that Dwight said? Not sure if it was on purpose. When he came up to give Brad his award (and good Lord is Paisley’s new song awful), Paisley started to pick the guitar lick from “Guitars and Cadillacs” and Dwight tapped his toe, but quickly said “Oh don’t, we will ruin the show”, which I took as suggesting if they play country music, it will ruin the show.
Parmalee is the really douche bag version of FGL. I’m starting to like FGL. It’s like a car accident, you hate to see one, but you gotta look. These guys don’t let you down in the d-bag factor. I think it is funny when they try to sing more serious slow songs. Jesus, stick to the cruise jingles boys.
Hunter
December 11, 2013 @ 8:56 am
When the artists nominated don’t even make a point to be there…. Lol
Rachel
December 11, 2013 @ 11:19 am
Women at a disadvantage….so true. You are correct, Eric.
Rascal Flats Gary looks like he’s had way too many rascals.
Men can have a tanker for a belly, wear old knitted hats that look like toilet paper roll covers and still be at the top of their game. They can wear beards that hang to their knees, dirty ballcaps and have a lardass the size of Texas.
Women have to prance around in their 5 inch heels, twerk their rearends, wear a bikini top…so someone on music row will notice them. Country girl…shake it for me, girl,…. shake it for me, girl. Country girl, sexualize yourself, girl….throw all of your better judgement to the curb, girl..
Country girl, turn yourself into some slutty version of yourself, girl…so that men might eyeball all your parts, girl. Country girl….you can forget about womens suffrage because you don’t have enough brains in your head girl….to even know what that is.
Country girl….if your phone ain’t ringin’, it’s because you don’t fit. If you don’t have a Victoria’s Secrets bod…you must quit.
Scotty J
December 11, 2013 @ 12:30 pm
Yes Rachel, Gary LeVox is a very good example of my point. Just think of the obsession of what female artists wear to the various awards shows you never or at least very rarely here it even mentioned what the male artists wear. And to be really honest it is often other women who are the harshest critics of the female artists appearance.
Karen
December 11, 2013 @ 12:30 pm
Couldn’t have said it better Rachel.!!!!
Someone very near and dear to me has had a couple of opportunities to “make connections” in Nashville, but chooses not to because of mainly this attitude and other things. Her voice and talent is way to big and important to have it get lost in the muck. Being know for your legs or your implants is not what great country singing is about. Leann was good but this person has done Patsy shows and once did a one-woman concert and brought everyone to tears and their knees with a medley of Through the eyes of a child and Just a closer walk with Thee. There is a lot of major female talent out there but……….well, you said it best.
Alyssa
December 14, 2013 @ 2:14 pm
I totally agree, I always think of a couple of women when this topic comes up Wynonna Judd and Dolly Parton. Two women with feisty attitudes, unique voices and who can carry a wide range of songs. Yet all you ever hear people talk about is Judd’s weight and Parton’s titts.
It irks me because whenever you mention either ladies’ name to someone trying to talk about their music, all you get back from the other person is a comment on their looks. Their musicians not supermodels, as long as they do their job who cares what they look like?
Adrian
December 14, 2013 @ 7:53 pm
I greatly dislike lyrics like “country girl shake it for me”. But those kinds of songs are selling largely because young WOMEN are buying them. Singers like Luke Bryan are commercially successful because of young women who think he’s sexy and who buy his music with lyrics that sexualize women. And don’t forget that Shania Twain, one of the most sexualized female acts in the history of country music, had a huge FEMALE fan base back in the 1990s.
I get your point that the mindless over-sexualization of women in the country genre is a bad thing, and has resulted in the quality of music produced by artists of both genders getting worse. But if women and girls decide to stop buying Luke Bryan albums we won’t be getting more Luke Bryans in the future. If women and girls didn’t buy Shania Twain CDs, Nashville would not have been producing over-sexualized Shania clones. What I’m saying here is that part of the issue is a problem that women can fix.
Alyssa
December 15, 2013 @ 8:38 am
Oh lord don’t I know it. I’ve fussed at going to the honky tonks around here and having to endear “Honk Tonk Beedonk a donk” while all the women dance around.
I’m a woman and I don’t get it I look at my mom or friends that are singing along with those songs and I think I must be in an alien or something. Maybe it has to do with that idea that sex = power over a man. I personally think that is a rather immature point of view, but I think that was the appeal to Shania.
Like if a man finds you sexy you can bend him to your will, that’s hogwash. It might work until he gets you into bed but once he gets what he wants he’ll probably move on if you have nothing else to offer.
I’m definitely not a prude and I have no problem with men expressing appreciation for the female form, it’s only natural, but I do have a problem with the songs that reduce a woman to a bunch of body parts that jiggle.
Tim
December 11, 2013 @ 11:48 am
What the hell is wrong with Luke Bryan? He seriously is a complete idiot. How is this dude at all popular?
I thought Aldean was the king of “why am I popular” but Bryan is lacking in just about everything a male star can lack at.
Can anyone tell me the attraction/popularity of this guy?
I haven’t heard all his songs, but the ones I have, they are complete shit. So even to the lowest denominator, what is the draw to this guy?
Rachel
December 11, 2013 @ 1:40 pm
The double standard really gives me a pinch. You folks are the best…I’m not referring to any of you. I would invite all of you to my Christmas Party but I would request that all old toilet paper roll covers…knitted hats must be left outside.
XXXOOO
Adrian
December 11, 2013 @ 2:45 pm
Sure, the ACAs are not the best country awards show. But if I were to put myself in the shoes of the decision makers at Fox I think it makes sense from a long term perspective. Fox is demographically a much better fit for country music award shows than ABC, NBC, or CBS. Fox represents the mainstream of middle America. The other networks represent the elites in New York and Los Angeles. Fox also knows how to make commercially successful music shows e.g. American Idol. If I were in charge it would be a long term goal for Fox to host the CMA and ACM awards. The ACAs could be a stepping stone towards that goal.
Eric
December 11, 2013 @ 3:04 pm
At the network channel level, I don’t think there is a significant social class or regional distinction between ABC, NBC, CBS, and Fox. All of them draw their viewers primarily from “middle America”, while the elites generally tend to watch cable channels. If there is any difference, it is probably that Fox network viewers are on average somewhat younger than ABC/NBC/CBS viewers, due both to the long historical legacy of ABC/NBC/CBS as well as the fact that Fox shows such as American Idol and The Simpsons skew toward a younger audience.