16
Kid Rock Accused of Stealing Old Ladies’ Hats
Savingcountrymusic.com has obtained some exclusive information that none other than genre bender Kid Rock is responsible for a string of hat snatchings in and around the Nashville area, all of which involve grandmothers over the age of 80.
“I was going to buy my cat Mr. Mittens a new mouse toy at the pet store,” 83-year-old Maude Flapper recounts, “when all of a sudden there he was, demanding my hat!” The altercation happened in the 700 block of Thompson Lane in Nashville at 2PM on June 9th, the same day Kid Rock hosted the 2010 CMT Music Awards.
“He said to me, “I’ve stolen riffs from Lynard Skynard, Metallica, and Warren Zevon, and now I’m stealing your hat you old coot! So give up the headgear and nobody gets hurt!””
Mrs. Flapper also commented on Kid Rock’s smell, which apparently was quite striking. “He smelled like a discarded, two day old dog placenta being fried on a fire of burning hair.”
Later at the CMT Awards Kid Rock was clearly seen wearing a hat matching Maude Flapper’s description of “a Sunday hat in a beautiful shade of baby blue.”
But this isn’t the first time Kid Rock’s name has been attached to a hat snatching. A week before 81-year-old Ethyl Frankfurter was out working in her rose garden when she says Kid Rock accosted her in her quiet west Nashville neighborhood and made off with her “favorite pink rose cutting hat.”
“I was pruning back my Rose of Sharon bushes when all of a sudden there he was, standing in my lawn, demanding my hat. He said, “Pink is the new black you old battle axe, so give up your lid or I’ll take a dump in your yard!”
The grandmother of nine tried to fend off the Michigan-born rock star with a pair of green-handled rose pruners to no avail. Then according to Ms. Frankfurter, Kid Rock urinated on her mailbox and then “pretended to make love to a neighborhood fire hydrant for an alarming amount of time,” before fleeing the scene. Later Mr. Rock was seen wearing a hat matching the description at a Warner Music press conference.
Just like his other victim, Ms. Frankfurter also commented on Kid Rock’s apparent stench, which she said smelling “took years off of what is left of my short life.”
“He smelled like a sumo wrestler taking a dump on a burning tire.” Ms. Frankfurter recounted, still visibly shaken.
Another report into savingcountrymusic.com that Kid Rock also has a fetish for “granny panties” has yet to be verified.
4
Nashville Flooding Because God Hates Kid Rock
It’s true.
When wacko Pat Robertson proclaimed that Katrina happened because of all the sin in New Orleans and Haiti got hit by an earthquake because they made a pact with the devil, I thought he was high on more than just Christ Love. But apparently it’s true, and apparently God not only hates sin, but greezy hair, fedora hats that smell like turned munster cheese, and genre bending.
It all started at the famous Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge on Broadway in downtown Nashville where once upon a time greats like Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon and Cash all hung out, writing songs and bouncing ideas off each other.
The front of Tootsie’s is known for displaying the faces of country greats: Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Hank Jr., Willie . . . and Kid Rock. What, KID ROCK? Really? You might as well put the face of Satan up there. Even Kid Rock fans can’t say his mug belongs in that company.
We all know that God loves REAL country music. And edifying Mr. Rock on this landmark (probably because him and Pamela Anderson performed their sham celebrity wedding there, only lasted 100 days, what a surprise) apparently made God very angry. But the straw that broke the camel is when it was announced that Kid Rock will host the CMT Awards.
Shortly after the announcement, the Nashville area experienced over 13 inches of rain in two days and the waters of the mighty Cumberland began to swell. Now Nashville is being immersed in flood waters. Forget science fact and cause and effect, this is an act of God my friends.
Thanks Kid, you prick.
Seriously, this is just my dumb way to get people to pay attention to a disaster that most of the mainstream media is ignoring because it is in the Heartland. This is devastating. My heart goes out to the people of Nashville and the surrounded areas effected, and we all hope for the safe preservation of Nashville’s landmarks.
CLICK HERE TO READ HOW YOU CAN HELP
You can also follow the 9513′s update on the situation and relief efforts by CLICKING HERE.Inside the Grand Ole Opry:
Downtown Nashville:
19
Miley Cyrus Trashes Pop Country ?
I love that pop country has become so contrived and transparent, that even other pop stars and people like Kid Rock can see right through the sham. Some people have been waiting for Billy Ray’s daughter to join the ranks of pop country, surmising that it’s not if, but when. But instead Miley Cyrus joined the ranks of dissenters in a recent interview in Parade Magazine, where she talked about why she’s steering clear of the country scene:
“It scares me, that’s why. It feels contrived on so many levels. Unless you’re wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots and singing and whining about your girlfriend or boyfriend leaving you it’s not going to sell. I think that’s why my dad finally got out of it. You have to wear those cowboy boots and be sweet as pie. It makes me nervous, the politics of it all.
When a Disney-manufactured superstar that is about as pop as bubble gum can see how contrived your music is, and even can see the the politics involved in the whole thing, it speaks of just how bad the wanton systematic flaws in the Nashville music machine have gotten.
11
Kid Rock Slams Pop Country ?
Over his career Kid Rock has done quite a remarkable thing. No, I’m not talking about bridging the genres of rock, rap, and country. I’m talking about being able to make a successful career out of being a glorified trailer park king, while at the same time besmirching the image of trailer park kings all across our great land with his colossal lack of taste and creativity.
When Kid Rock first started making moves into the country scene, I didn’t consider him pop, I just considered him bad. His recent single is the epitome of everything wrong with mainstream country. Somehow the man figured how to rip off two classic rock songs, call on every single pop country cliche on the list including reminiscent references to “going to the lake,” “summer,” and even a pot reference targeted to the disgruntled teenagers of suburbia, and still get it all in a radio-friendly under 3-minute format.
Kid Rock has also stepped in it more times than a cattle farmer. Before Rock’s sham publicity-stunt marriage to Pamela Anderson crumbled, he had the gall to get in Hank Williams III’s face to give him family advise. Oh the irony.
But Kid Rock has finally done something that I can agree with. Apparently a while back, in an interview with CMT writer Whitney Self, Kid Rock, likely while wearing a mauve feather boa said:
“I think what country can do to better its image is to be more themselves — to try not to be part of the pop world and not try to be part of the mainstream. … If you really want to get down to country music, just be more of that, exactly what it is. So, go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated. You can have a much more enjoyable experience in life with everything.”
Though I think this is a little of the pot talking to the kettle, I have to say I agree with Kid Rock 100%. Of all the criticisms I could make of the guy, I do think that when it comes to his music, he’s always done what he’s wanted to do, and not necessarily followed the money. His taste is about as good as licking a red brick, but I can understand that from his point of view, which a lot of times has been from outside of music genres looking in, a lot of pop country artists don’t belong in the country genre.
I think this story also points out that the elements of the country genre that cannot get a place under the country tent because they’ve been crowded out by pop are starting to make a difference. The reason that Whitney Self brought up this Kid Rock quote was because “Constantly, I am reading this battle on the CMT blog between people claiming a certain artist is too pop while another is too country, or not enough, and so on and so forth.”
Before detractors of pop country could be explained away as weak disparate elements. Now it seems like the detractors of pop country are in full throat outside the pearly gates of Nashville, and are gaining more attention and traction every day. Soon, the money changers who run Music City will be faced with some choices: work to add more country elements to the mainstream of the genre, or have the caterwauling of disapproval drown out whatever the mainstream is doing.
Never thought I would say this, but well said Kid Rock.
22
When Country Heroes Work With Country Zeros
I’ve seen this theme hashed out many times, in my blogs and blogs of others, on message boards, etc. etc. :
How am I supposed to feel when one of my country heroes hooks up with a country zero of the modern pop country era?
Whether you’re talking about the love fest between Hank Jr. and Kid Rock, Kid Rock handing on the shoulder of David Allan Coe, Willie Nelson cutting duets with Toby Keith or having songs produced by Kenney Chesney, it makes a lot of us very uncomfortable to see artists that we have so much respect, and sometimes outright reverence for, cavorting with the likes of the pop country artists whose names have become replacements for foul language or filthy activities.
(Sorry, I had to stop typing for a bit to go take a Kenney Chesney.)
(Toby Keith ,Willie Nelson & David Allan Coe on the set of the dumb movie “Beer For My Horses”)
I know I have some readers who happen to like Kid Rock and Toby Keith, and that’s fine. If that’s what gets you to feeling right, then so be it. I may not agree, but I try to respect everyone’s musical tastes. But for us who cannot stand this current tribe of mainstream country artists, these pop country pairings cause conflict and confusion in our little country hearts.
So what to do?
I honestly do not have a good answer for you, and I guess that answer is really up to all of us individually.
In my opinion, I will always look up to the country artists of the past and judge them mostly on the big picture of their life’s body of work. I remember when I wrote my Hank Jr. vs. Hank III blogs that even though I was mad at Jr. for calling Kid Rock his “Rebel Son” and virtually ignoring his real son, it didn’t take away all the good REAL country music that Hank Jr. made over many years, and the respect I have for him doing the best he could living in his own daddy’s shadow.
(Kid Rock gives Hank Jr. back some of the dignity that he stole from him in a moment of Christmas cheer.)
I will never blame Willie Nelson for “selling out” because I don’t think that Willie is aware enough about such things. Willie is in a constant cycle of hitting it big and going for broke, and when you add on top of that all his social work for farmers and the fact he got screwed by the IRS a few years back, I will never blame Willie for trying to make money.
No matter what country hero you speak of, they are all just trying to stay relevant, and though it irks me to no end at times, I do understand it. Not everyone can be like Johnny Cash, who figured out a way to make music for a whole new generation with Rick Rubin and the American Recordings, without being hit with the sellout tag. But even Johnny Cash was criticized by country purists back in the day when he played and recorded with Bob Dylan.
So I want to know what YOU think! Leave a comment and help us all cope with the Country Heroes/Country Zeros question.
20
2008 Country Music Hall of Fame Inductees
Well, it’s been just over a week since I suffered through watching the whole CMA Pop Country Award Infomercial, and I am happy to report that I am finally able to keep solid foods down, and I finally achieved my first solid bowel movement since Kid Rock took the stage with “Lil Wayne,” making me stricken with violent diarrhea that stank worse than Brad Paisley’s canned jokes.
Nashville is killing country music, and I’m fighting mad about it.
But I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: Out of all the country music institutions that have completely sold out of the almighty dollar, there is one that stands as a beacon on the hill.
While the CMA’s yoked Kenny Chesney with another “Entertainer of the Year” award, the Country Music Hall of Fame announced their 2008 inductees, and I have to say, I don’t know if I could’ve picked them better myself.
Tom T. Hall
He was an Outlaw by anyone’s measure, writing songs for Johnny Cash, George Jones, Waylon Watashin Jennings, and the original outlaw Bobby Bare. He also performed at Willie Nelson’s Dripping Springs Reunion where the Texas Outlaw movement was born. But he was a songwriter before he was a performer, specializing in storytelling songs, and while most songwriters are forgotten by Nashville, the Hall goes out of its way to recognize this vital element of country music.
Faster Horses
Younger Women
Older Whiskey
More Money
Emmylou Harris
I wrote about her in my Gram Parsons Blog and all I have to say is that she is one of my favorite female country singers ever, behind only maybe Dolly and Loretta.
Singing Townes:
My top 3 Emmylou Albums:
Wrecking Ball
Pieces of the Sky
Roses in the Snow
And along with these greats, the 2008 Hall class also includes the great Statler Brothers, and country-bluegrass music pioneer Ernest “Pop” Stoneman.
And as if you needed any more reasons to be miffed at the CMA’s, this was THE FIRST YEAR EVER that the Hall of Fame inductees were NOT formally recognized on the show. EVER!
Yet they had plenty of time to run out rap and reggae artists, and to let Brad Paisley and Keith Urban make out for 5 minutes, wanking each other’s guitars off.
But I have to say, every time I see Nashville cross the line and try to make country as pop as they can, they are slowly digging their own graves. More and more people are seeing through this stuff. And soon we will rise up and take our music back.
Mark my words.
PS: For those of you reading these blogs on savingcountrymusic.com, don’t be afraid to leave a comment, positive or negative. It’s very easy, you just sign up once with a name and email and after that you can comment at will. On the MySpace blog we get tons of comments and would love to see that happen here as well.
12
Down with the CMA (Part 3 – ACE & The Outlaws)
ACE & The Outlaws vs. The CMA
A few have commented in Part 1 & Part 2 that we should run our own awards show. Well your not the first to have this idea.
The year was 1974. ‘The Outlaws’ of country music were on the rise, and had already taken over Texas. Willie Nelson had put together the ‘Dripping Springs Reunion’ that featured new Outlaw acts right beside legacy acts like Tex Ritter and Earnest Tubb, showing that these Outlaw newcomers didn’t want to replace the legends, but rather embrace them.
But on Music Row in Nashville, the story was a little different. At the 1974 CMA Awards, none other than Olivia Newton John, clearly a pop performer, won best female vocalist. REAL country music performers were outraged. And they did something about it.
At the time, Tammy Wynette and George Jones were hitched, and in Tammy’s house, REAL country music artists formed their own organization, the “Association of Country Entertainers,” or ACE, and threw their own awards ceremony. Members along with George and Tammy included Bill Anderson, Porter Wagoner, Jim Ed Brown, Dottie West, Brenda Lee, Faron Young, Conway Twitty, Hank Snow, Mel Tillis, and Dolly Parton.
Unfortunately ACE never really got off the ground. But the Outlaws finished what ACE started. The next year in 1975 is when Waylon Jennings walked out of the CMA’s, and a liquored-up Charlie Rich pulled out his zippo and lit fire to the envelope that held the name of John Denver for Best Male Vocalist. The Nashville oligarchy had tried to turn country into a form of pop music to increase sales, and traditional country artists were in outright revolt.
1976 is when the album Wanted! The Outlaws
Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson are named vocal duo of the year and win single of the year for “Good Hearted Women. Wanted! The Outlaws earns album of the year honors for Jennings, Nelson, Tompall Glaser and Jessi Colter.
– - – - – - – -
I speak up against many of the Nashville institutions like the major record labels, the CMA, the Grand Ole Opry, etc. But there’s one I always sing the praises of: The Country Music Hall of Fame.
The Hall of Fame has a theme: Will the Circle Be Unbroken?
(From the Hall itself)
The circle is country music, and it’s always changing style and mood. But no matter how far country has gone towards pop, the roots of country always rise up and put in back on the right path: completing the circle, not allowing it to be broken.
Tonight, country music is in the same state as it was in 1974, with people like Kid Rock and Taylor Swift performing. It is our duty as REAL country music fans and performers, to organize and revolt against these people trying to steal our music and culture away from us.
The circle cannot allowed to be broken.
This is my last installment of this series of blogs. I could probably write one or two more, but maybe next year.
I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has read. The response to these blogs has been amazing. I have the best readers on the whole earth planet.
7
In Hank Jr. We Trust
My LAST BLOG was no exception. So if you didn’t read through the comments, ESP. IF YOU LIVE IN OR NEAR MUSIC CITY, maybe you should do that. Because maybe you would find some information there interesting. Information that it is probably good if it is not out there for all the masses to see for various reasons. Or maybe you won’t find anything there interesting. Who knows.
In Hank Jr. We Trust
I know, I know. I’m supposed to hate Hank Jr. because he teamed up with Kid Rock, but dammit, I like his old stuff, and I’m not afraid to say it. Hank Jr.’s been on my mind lately. Every time I hear about this ‘economic crisis,’ I keep thinking of one of my favorite songs by him, and what I think is one of his signature songs:
“Got a shotgun, rifle, and a 4WD, and a country boy can survive.”
Doesn’t get any more true than that.
I think the earlier you get in Jr’s career the better his stuff gets, maybe before Curb Records beat the creativity out of him. Another thing about Hank Jr. I think a lot of people don’t realize is that he’s a hell of a guitar player. When he first got into music, when Audrey was still trying to keep him out, Waylon was Jr.’s role model. Waylon played his own lead parts, so Jr. wanted to also.
In this second video is of one of my favorite Jr. songs, ‘Living Proof,’ a kind of old school George Jones style song. And the second song really highlights his ability with lead guitar, even though they turn him down during the solo, because I guess you can’t ‘scream’ in country. Check it, circa 1978:
Did you catch that lyric in ‘Living Proof?’
“Don’t let my son never touch no guitar.
May he never play the blues.
Let him be free, don’t make him be,
Living proof.
22
Hank Williams Jr. Is Not Daddy Warbucks Part 2
Now before I get started, let me just say the intention with this blog IS NOT TO START DRAMA OR CONTROVERSY! All I am trying to do is get the CORRECT information out there. Also, this blog is a part 2. If you have not read part 1, I recommend you do so because there is a lot of good stuff there and I’m not going to rehash all the information. To read part one CLICK HERE
The reason I wrote part 1 was to clear up this misconceptions that Hank Jr. was in some way or any way supporting Hank III, or that the reason Hank III doesn’t care about the money is because he’s got a big inheritance coming to him. The reason I decided to write a part 2 is because some new information has come to light, and I also have discovered some old information I want to get out there.
So
We already know that stuff has been less that civil between Hank Williams III and Hank Jr. for years. Some of it has to do with the Opry performance I talked about in part 1, but most has to do with this:
So What Has Changed?
FIRST, I found THIS ARTICLE which explains EVERYTHING IN SHELTON’S OWN WORDS! Apparently there was a big controversy where people actually thought the Kid Rock was Hank Jr’s son, which would’ve made Hank III KID ROCK’S BROTHER! Check it:
“Kid Rock brought this on himself man. I’ve met him, back when he hit with that big song, and he came in, like “You know, I’m the next Elvis.” I’m like “Whatever dude, the Beastie Boys have been around a lot longer than you have.” I first immediately saw that OK, this guys an asshole, and I can see why him and my dad get along pretty good.
“And then when we came back through Detroit, and he kept trying to come on the bus, you know, him and Pam Anderson, and all that shit, and I said, “Tell that motherfucker I got nothing to say to him,” and then he finally get his way back in there and tells me how I need to be treating my father, and I’m like, “All right, you crossed the line motherfucker.” And I don’t know how many times I have to say it: No, he’s not my fucking brother . . . “
But still this is all past news.
What’s new is that in the new Kawasaki videos , Hank Jr. and Hank III are hanging out, being chummy, and if I dare say, looking like they are enjoying each other’s company. That’s great, but on October 21st Hank III will release an album with a song on it talking negatively about his dad. I don’t know what song or what he says, but I know that it exists.
So what does all this mean? I really have no idea. What I can say is that Hank III’s song might have been recorded a long as two years ago. Hank III’s and Hank Jr.’s relationship might have changed significantly since then. Hank Jr. just got divorced. Hank III’s been through all kinds of crazy stuff.
But I hope this means that the two have patched things up. Life’s too short, and though I think what Hank Jr. did with Kid Rock is reproachful, I still have respect for the man and some of his music, and I’d hope he could see the error in his ways and change, maybe even ask Shelton for forgiveness. And if he does or did, Shelton should give it to him, because really all this bullshit has to do with Kid Puke.
That bastard needs to keep his nose busy snorting cocaine off of Pamela Anderson’s fake breasts, and out of Hank Hank & Hank business.
Hey Kidd Puke, “Mind Your Own Business,” Track 5 of Hank Williams 40 Greatest Hits. Maybe you should give it a listen before you try to pass yourself off as a Hank, you wifebeater-wearing, fedora topped, greasy headed motherfucker.
***Other notes from the Hank Jr., Kid Rock story:
–There are a lot of supporters of freehank3.org from Detroit, and a lot of artists I support, like Rachel Brooke, Junk, and Tim Pop. I was born and raised in Texas, but I spent some time living in Flint, just north of Detroit, and I will vouch for the people from up there being true, hard working, red-blooded people that deserve respect. The reason Hank III was calling Kid Rock a “Yankee” with a negative connotation is because Kid Rock was calling himself “Rebel Son.” No Kid Rock is not from the south, and that was what Hank III was talking about. I say be proud of where you’re from, because there ain’t nothing you can do about it.
–Hank III referred to the Beastie Boys when talking about Kid Rock. I’m glad he did that because believe it or not, the Beastie Boys, rappers or not, went through the same damn thing Hank III is going through right now, fighting a label that wanted to make them a ‘product.’ And a lot of what the Beastie Boys did in public and in court fighting their label laid positive ground that will help Hank III get free of Curb Records and will allow Hank III to be successful in the future. But that’s a whole other blog.
23
Hank Williams Jr. Is No Daddy Warbucks
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL ?!?!
Well your ass will have to wait till September.
This is not going to be a roasting of Hank Williams Jr. I know that lately it seems like he’s whoring himself at every turn on CMT, and that he hangs out with Kid Rock and all that. But he’s an oldtimer, and I grew up being taught to respect the oldtimers.
It seems like when I’m looking at people’s profiles, a lot of people like Hank Sr. & Hank III, but a significantly less number like Hank Jr, or maybe they like ‘some of his stuff.’ I personally do like ‘some of his stuff.’
Some of those old Hank Jr. albums that Curb sells for $5.99 are good for one or two songs a piece. One song off his Habits Old & New album called ‘All in Alabama’ is one of my favorite country songs ever. it is about a time he fell off a mountain in Montana and almost died. Another one I like is ‘A Whole Lot of Hank’ off of Strong Stuff that a lot of people have never heard. But even in the old days, he seemed like the Nashville scene’s answer to Outlaw Country, instead of a true Outlaw Country artist himself.
But the reason I’m writing this is because wanted to dispel the misconception some people have that Hank Williams Jr. is somehow bankrolling Hank III, or that Hank III is not ever worried about the money because he knows when his dad kicks it he’s got a big chunk of cash coming to him. Hank III is all about the music, THAT is why he’s not worried about the money.
I really have no idea if Hank III has any kind of inheritance coming to him, but from everything I’ve read, Hank Jr. has done very very little to help Hank III out financially, from when he was growing up to now. And something tells me that as time goes on, and chance Hank III did have at some inheritance is dwindling. Hank Jr. only saw Shelton once or twice as year as he was growing up, and all indications are that they are not close at all now.
(Shelton hunting with Hank Jr. & Waylon, and the origin of the lyric ‘I remember watching ‘ol Waylon, when he was shooting his shotgun.’)
When Hank III was born, Mike Curb, Grand Master of Curb Records was in the room. Mike Curb and Hank Jr. are very good friends. Hank Jr. was a Curb Records artist from the beginning in 1979, and remains one today. Whatever kind of ‘outlaw’ persona Hank Jr. tried to perpetuate back in the early 80′s, he’s clearly shied away from that now.
As for Hank Jr. & Hank III’s relationship, this was written in the Oregon Music Guide back in 2004:
“It appeared to be momentous occasion when press releases announced that the two Hanks would be performing together for the first time at a Grand Ole Opry show marking the 50th anniversary of Hank Sr.’s death. The only problem was that the youngest Hank never agreed to do it.
Signing on to perform ‘Howlin’ at the Moon,’ Hank 3 declined his father’s invitation to come out on stage to perform ‘I Saw The Light,’ telling his dad, ‘I’m in a band called Superjoint Ritual, right now, and all kinds of weird shit and I don’t feel like I’m seeing the light very much, these days.’
In an act that he claims is typical of his father, Hank Jr. ignored what his son said and asked him to come out during the show. The only problem was that Hank 3 was sitting in a bar with his friends and not even there to take the stage.
Since that night, the two have not spoken.
As soon as he mentions the lack of contact between him and his father, Williams follows it up saying that he still respects his father’s music…or, at least, 1987′s Born to Boogie and its predecessors. It’s one of the few positive acknowledgments he gives of the music coming out of Nashville.”
I’m not trying to stir the pot between Hank Jr. & Hank III. I just don’t like it when I hear people talk about how Hank III doesn’t care about the money because of his daddy, or that his daddy is helping him out in any way, because all indication are that he’s not.
In fact if you want to know who Hank Jr. is helping out, watch this and see who Hank Jr. refers to as his ‘Rebel Son.’
I only know of one Rebel Son and something tells me they would have some choice words for Kid Rock.
If you don’t mind me saying, that song fucking sucks. And Hank III has proven the ‘F’ word DOES have a place in ol’ country.
PS: I know my blogs are getting longer and longer. I can’t help it, I’m a geek about this shit.
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