The internet is exercised today over the fact that Taylor Swift did not win any hardware at last night’s ACM Awards. Fans are looking for the fix, and haters are wondering if this is the end of the Taylor fad. Well, you’re both wrong.
Back when she blew her performance at the Grammy’s her manager said Taylor was “overexposed.” Taylor won nothing by design. Fans and foes should not read anything into it. This is a move by a hyper-controlled career to keep the franchise on track. In fact, look at how many people are talking about it (including muah). Taylor is getting more free pub by not winning than she would by taking home one or two awards. Taylor may eventually prove to be a fad, but don’t buy into this charade, one way or another.
And another thing: These are just the ACM’s. They’re are the consolation prize for the CMA’s, and the CMA’s these days are a joke.
When I first tuned in to the ACM Awards last night, my senses that are so sheltered from the doings of pop country were wholesale violated in the most ill of ways. It started off with a song called “Hillbilly Bone,” which was ostensibly a rap duet sung by Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins. (You can see the duo disgracing the country music mother church with this filth HERE.) In a word, it was shocking, and it made me fear for the direction of the entire human race. I would have rather seen an abortion.
Next came Kenney Chesney clearly lip syncing, and I mean CLEARLY. I mean, even if you have a tattoo with your name and Kenny’s encased in a heart on your ass, last night your brow was furrowed in the universally-recognized “WTF?” position. It was bad. Bad bad.
After that I wasn’t sure I could take any more. I suffer through the CMA’s cover to cover every year, so the ACM’s in my opinion are extra credit. What pulled me through was one of my favorite country writers, one Juli Thanki, live blogging the event on the9513.com. Her quick wit made the whole night worth it. Here’s a sample size of some of her handiwork:
7:05 Imagine Kenny popping out of the screen in 3D? No thanks.
7:10 – Aww, listen to the crowd pretending they know who Bob Wills is
7:33 It must be difficult to dance in assless chaps.
9:30 Brooks and Dunn now have to accept the Top Vocal Duo award and pretend like they don’t want to beat each other to death with their own rib bones.
9:50 This camerawork is making me nauseated. Or maybe it’s the light reflecting off Keith Urban’s waxed chest.
9:53 Who knew Nicole Kidman could move the muscles in her face enough to sing along?
And some zingers from her Twitter account:
Hello, Non-Threatening Mixed Gender Pop Country Band!
Crappy pop-country band shilling for crappy chocolate? Seems appropriate.
Did I tell you guys about my GENIUS idea in which Miranda and Brandi Carlile tour together? They also fight crime.
Randy Travis looks like the Cryptkeeper.
You can see the whole 9513 live ACM blog, including a few of clever comments by clicking here.