The Curious Captions of Kenny Rogers’ Mansion Pictures
The Gambler Kenny Rogers has put his palatial $4.8 million-dollar palace on the market in Atlanta, and the 12,000 square foot home that features six bedrooms, eight full baths, an elevator, 10 fireplaces, a pool, a home theater, and a Roman spa on 1.26-acres is enough to make you ooh and ahh. But when Saving Country Music took a more detailed look at some of the captions for the pictures in the real estate brochure, it gave an even deeper insight into the regal lifestyle Kenny Rogers enjoys. Take a look at some of these example below:
“Guests enjoyed their time recreating with the Gambler on the ping-pong table, but found it quite curious when Rogers would bribe them with crisp $100 bills to let him win, even when there were no other observers of the match.”
“Kenny would regularly assemble his close friends together roundtable style on the stately balcony, lean in as if he was about to pronounce something direly important and prompt his compatriots to do the same, and then pass the most hellacious and audible gas that not even a stiff fall breeze could quickly dissipate.”
“The chairs in the home theater were the most comfortable in the house, which made up for how uncomfortable guests felt when they found the theater only played scenes of Swifty hard cussing Brewster Baker from the movie ‘Six Pack’ on continuous loop.”
“Behind the theater’s faux ticket booth, a flight of stairs leads to a rumpus room full of whips, chains, pulleys, and a smogasbord of adult delights manned by a fleet of dexterous and willing mannequins.”
“Once when old friend Dolly Parton had traveled far to see her once frequent duet partner in his stately abode, she ambled over to the brushed copper sink to freshen up. ‘Oh Dolly,’ said Kenny with a thin smile, gently touching her shoulder, ‘That sink is just for show.'”
“Potential buyers will be happy to learn that Kenny’s diabolical isolation room of solitary horrors can also dub as a sauna.”
“As a cherubic angel with a shell as wings looked on, swimmers in Kenny’s bottomless oasis found if they swam deep enough, they would encounter a magical dolphin that would make sweet love to them.”
When architects told Kenny that making landscapes depicted by M.C Escher would be against the laws of physics, Kenny simply replied, “Is YOUR name Kenny Rogers?!? Or is MY name Kenny Rogers!?!”
Carla
August 21, 2014 @ 7:49 am
OH. MY. GOD. Want! Doesn’t SCM need a new world headquarters? That cinema is epic and as for that mannequin …. no words. No words. Comedy gold. Thanks Kenny (and Trig!)
Mike-El
August 21, 2014 @ 8:01 am
Before I got wise to what was going on, my first thought was that this was Marianne’s handiwork (his ex). I worked at a video store in Athens when Kenny had his gigantic farm out this way. Marianne was living there after the divorce and was a regular customer at our store. Whenever anybody recognized her and brought up Kenny, she wasn’t the slightest bit shy about putting his ass on mega-blast right then and there. That must’ve been one ugly divorce.
TX Music Jim
August 21, 2014 @ 8:03 am
Too funny made me laugh out loud.
RWP
August 21, 2014 @ 9:45 am
Holy shit,you got me.I thought this way real all the way through until the P.S.
Hilarious!
RWP
August 21, 2014 @ 9:47 am
And speaking of P.S….
Did you know there is a huge “Let It Ride Tour” Brantley Gilbert banner on top of your page?
Trigger
August 21, 2014 @ 10:08 am
I don’t pick the banners, Google does because Saving Country Music is such a pariah, few will directly advertise with the site. I try to tell Google what and what not to advertise, because clearly my readership will find no interest in a Brantley Gilbert tour, but sometimes things slip through. If I see the ads myself, I can/will ban them.
liza
August 21, 2014 @ 3:52 pm
You had me until the fart. I love the mannequins.
Charlie
August 22, 2014 @ 4:45 am
I believe those banner ads are based on the visitor’s browsing history, there, cowboy. How many BG tix did you buy??
(My banner ad is for stock watering tanks, btw.)
((Which I use for dolphin porn, in case you are wondering.))
Melissa
August 21, 2014 @ 12:40 pm
This is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh today. The “magical dolphins” tag gave me an extra giggle. 😀
Lunchbox
August 21, 2014 @ 2:27 pm
this is teetering on blasphemy. i’ll let it slide this this time.
CAH
August 22, 2014 @ 9:18 am
Seeing Kenny Rogers and the First Addition in 1973 was the first concert I ever attended.
He and Joe South (and the Believers) were warm-up acts for Gary Pucket and the Union Gap.
Heyday
August 22, 2014 @ 2:39 pm
It is good to see a real estate agent with a sense of humor. That said, I want the seats on the “stately balcony” cleaned quite thoroughly before I buy the house.