Billy Currington’s “Intuition” is the Worst ‘Country’ Album Ever

Look, if you had a head full of pubic hair, had never graduated from the C-level of mainstream country stars, were best known by some for being the guy indicted on charges of “abuse of an elder person by inflicting mental anguish” and “making terroristic threats” to some poor old dude stemming from a dispute over a damn boat in Georgia, perhaps you may throw a Hail Mary like this too and hope for a late career miracle.

But unfortunately for ol’ Billy Currington, this is a prayer that won’t be answered. It’ll be swatted down in the end zone by the defensive back, deflating Currington’s 4th Quarter comeback dreams quicker than your dangle when your mom walks in on you.

My Lord is this is bad. But it’s one of these instances where it’s so terrible, it’s actually hilarious. I heard about this monstrosity, cued it up on the music streaming service of choice, and started laughing so hard milk shot out of my nose. And I wasn’t even drinking milk at the time.

After six years of doing who knows what, Billy Currington emerges with a surprise album that is a straight up EDM/R&B, so slavish and transparent in trying to titillate the teenage pop market it instantly goes from sad to pathetically laughable. Aside from the token banjo and steel guitar—which only angers the blood of actual country fans even more—this is an unabashed effort for attention from Hot 100 FM, which Billy won’t have a prayer at.

No, you can’t even compare this to Sam Hunt. Believe it or not, Sam actually brings a bit more originality, and dare I say soul to what he does. That’s how terrible this is. Billy Currington’s Intuition is the generic store brand version of Sam. The Fruity O’s version. Fuck is this bad. And check this folks, Billy Currington is 47 years old, and he’s trying to mumble sing like Justin Bieber or something. The vocals throughout this record are just so shameless.

Why those close to Billy Currington that love and care for him did not throw some sort of intervention or something and intercede before he entered Intuition onto his permanent record is beyond me. This thing looks worse on the books than that “terrorizing an elderly boat captain” charge.

Who thought this would fly? It reminds you of another C-level star Jerrod Niemann, who tried this same bit back in 2013 when he released the precursor to Same Hunt called “Drink To That All Night.” That did okay, but when he chased it with a song called “Donkey,” it kicked Jerrod Niemann’s ass, and he ended up off Arista Nashville and out on the street. And we all know how the numerous iterations of Zac Brown’s foray into electronic music went, or didn’t.

But even on those Zac Brown projects, there still was one or two songs that you hated to admit were kind of okay, or sort of country. But Intuition? It just keeps getting worse as you go on. It only takes about 30 seconds into the opening track “Lead Me” to know you’re rolling in shit, leading to the ultra-douchy “Deja Vu.” But when you get to the 5th track “Get Close” (listen below, if you dare), you just feel embarrassed for Billy. It’s like watching your mother take on a Tik-Tik dance challenge. Just no.

Man, I almost feel bad for Billy. But all joking aside, if he’d thrown some press conference and said he was moving to pop, this album would make slightly more sense. Since they’re still trying to sell it as country, screw them. Country my ass. Take your Auto-tune vocal effects, slap bass, synth pulses, click tracks, and creepo lyrics appropriate for someone 20 years your junior back to your boat in Georgia.

Nice knowing you, Billy.

Two Guns WAY DOWN (0/10)

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