Bobby Bones to Release Memoir – Table of Contents Revealed
Forget that Bobby Bones has only been a national radio personality for a measly two years, apparently that’s plenty of tenure to demand the release of a full blown memoir about his life for the gullible masses to lap up just like they do his laughable excuse for a nationally-syndicated radio show that rapes earholes from coast to coast every morning. Gerry House—the man Bobby Bones ostensibly replaced—spent 25 years behind the WSIX microphone in Nashville before penning an articulate and insightful memoir called Country Music Broke My Brain, and apparently now Bobby Bones has to scoreboard him and everyone else in the publishing biz as well.
There’s no release date as of yet for the Dey Street Books/HarperCollins-published memoir, but a Saving Country Music mole stationed deep in the bowels of the vast HarperCollins corporate offices was able to obtain a copy of the Table of Contents for the book to give potential readers a taste of what they might expect from the edgy DJ.
“Bobby Bones Broke My Brain” Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Exploiting My Childhood Narrative to Mawkishly Pull on Heartstrings at Every Single Turn
Chapter 2: No Talent Hack Aspires to Become Wacky Morning Zoo Huckster
Chapter 3: Career Beginnings: Sucking the Life Force Out of Austin, TX Radio
Chapter 4: How I Svengalied iHeartMedia into Giving Me the Biggest Country Radio Show Ever
Chapter 5: How I Svengalied the Country Music Public Into Thinking I Know Anything About Country
Chapter 6: Playing Everything But Country Music for a Living
Chapter 7: How to Take Credit for Everything
Chapter 8: How I’ve Put Hundreds of Local DJ’s Who Were Pillars of Communities and Important Civic Members Out of Work for My Cost-Cutting Syndicated Homogenized Drivel with an Impersonal Nationalized Scope
Chapter 9: How I Hide Behind My Cancer Charity Like a Shield While I Lob Grenades at Everyone Else and Exploit Their Insecurities for Comedic Fodder.
Chapter 10: How I Attack Others and Then Frame Myself as the Victim
Chapter 11: How I’m Too Cool to Put Aaron Watson on the Air as He Stands Out in My Lobby, But Will Stop the Show Down to Have an Underling Describe How He’s Sexist
Chapter 12: My Dog Dusty
Chapter 13: iHeartMedia’s Impending Bankruptcy
Chapter 14: Suck It Musgraves, I’m Now a Published Author
Chapter 15: My Plan to Subjugate the Entire Human Race Under My Control for the Sole Purpose of Keeping Them Squarely Focused On Me At All Times to Fulfill My Insatiable and Narcissistic Appetite for Attention
April 27, 2015 @ 6:43 pm
Genuis! I want to know when your autobiography is coming out, Trig?
April 27, 2015 @ 6:54 pm
How did he go blind in one eye?
That picture that you always use of him is sooo bad!
April 28, 2015 @ 1:10 pm
By not switching hands often enough.
April 27, 2015 @ 6:56 pm
Ha! Chapter 9. So true!
April 27, 2015 @ 6:58 pm
Tempted to buy it just to wipe my ass with its pages. But my ass deserves better.
April 27, 2015 @ 7:07 pm
Love the tags!
April 27, 2015 @ 7:44 pm
The titles for chapters 8, 9 and 15 are the best. 😀
April 27, 2015 @ 7:53 pm
Excellent. I think there should be a chapter about whining when he’s not nominated for awards.
April 27, 2015 @ 9:26 pm
Ch. 12 My First Party on the Tailgate Yo.., I Mean Y’all
April 27, 2015 @ 10:00 pm
This guy is trash and wouldn’t mind if he was in Baltimore.
April 27, 2015 @ 11:57 pm
It’s gonna be great to read and be inspired by this man’s hard life. Oh no wait a second. Who the hell is this guy and why does he look like a genuine jackass?
April 27, 2015 @ 11:59 pm
The ONLY time I have ever listened to him was the one time a few weeks ago when he had Ashley Monroe in studio with him and she was preforming acoustic songs. I’m assuming that was his or Clear Channel’s attempt to satisfy the traditional crowd or the actual country music crowd.
April 28, 2015 @ 1:51 am
I ordered two copies so I could shit on one and cover it up with the other.
April 28, 2015 @ 4:25 am
Infinity likes!
April 28, 2015 @ 4:24 am
‘. . . But Will Stop the Show Down . . .’
I see what you did there. Nice touch!
April 28, 2015 @ 4:37 am
Love it
April 28, 2015 @ 4:53 am
Not surprised he is releasing a memoir. People try to strike on these memoirs while they are in the publics eye, just in case fame doesn’t last long. Putting it out now basically guarantees all his listeners will but and it will be successful, if he were to somehow lose his position as a national DJ in a few years and release in then, then his number of buyers would be much lower. Perfect example was RG III book written after basically his first year in the league.
April 28, 2015 @ 4:55 am
He wrongly presupposes his target audience A) can read and B) buys books.
April 28, 2015 @ 5:21 am
Can’t wait to read your thoughts on the new ZBB album. Listening now and trying to keep an open mind but what the hell?
April 28, 2015 @ 5:48 am
I could see this coming. ZBB is about to start really distancing himself from country in my opinion. I think after working with Grohl and a few others he wants to expand more. He even said after the Grohl sessions that his music would have no limits from here on. I think we will have to start judging ZBB on the music itself and not if the music is country, because I think those days for the most part could be gone.
April 28, 2015 @ 6:05 am
Yeah, I didn’t expect to hear an album that could be completely classified as country, but pop/EDM was not the direction I thought they would go in after working with Grohl. To your point, I think “Tomorrow Never Comes” is well done, despite being EDM. “Beautiful Drug” on the other hand is a bad way to start the album. I assume its put there to send a clear message about what to expect; but genres aside, that song just doesn’t work with bald-headed, long-bearded members of ZBB.
April 28, 2015 @ 12:15 pm
Exactly. If EDM is in country I generally ignore it, but if it’s well done like “Tomorrow Never Comes”, then I really don’t care if it’s country. “Beautiful Drug” is just a stupid, cliched song. I don’t care that it’s EDM. I care that it’s low quality EDM.
April 28, 2015 @ 6:18 am
I haven’t listened to their new album yet. I’m still trying to get over that horrible single Randy Houser released yesterday.
April 28, 2015 @ 6:23 am
Wow just got thru the first track. All I can say is wtf.
April 28, 2015 @ 6:29 am
Yeah, this thing is all over the place. I think they’ve definitely moved away from their “country” roots (such as they were); personally not a fan of some of the styles on the album, but the stuff that does work for me works very well. But not (in my mind, anyways) a country album.
April 28, 2015 @ 7:54 am
Hey, have I heard the new Zac Brown yet? 🙂
April 28, 2015 @ 8:11 am
Bahahaha
April 28, 2015 @ 9:18 am
I’ve forced myself to listen to each of his albums…once… Sounds like this one is going to be hard to choke down.
April 28, 2015 @ 6:02 am
hey @Trigger i was wondering whether you heard the new Zac Brown Band album, the first track, Beautiful Drug? Oh wow it just sound so electro-pop futuristic feeling it is so far off from anything they have released or anything country (not that I am saying modern country doesnt sound like this at all). but yeah you should definitely give the album a review. I am interested in reading your entry on that. haha anyways screw stupid Bobby Bones, cant be bothered to read what he says, anything that comes off his mouth is ignorant and BS.
April 28, 2015 @ 7:57 am
Did they decide to ditch the chapter on how to cheer two of my staff on as they’re getting totally shitfaced on my St. Paddy’s Day morning show? And a day or two later cheer the new phone girl as she snorts salt, shoots lime juice in her eye and does a morning shot of tequila? Hmm, that may answer the question of how Bobby Bones went blind in one eye ….
And yet the local station still mentions his name (or plays a soundbite of him) every 20-30 minutes no matter what time I turn them on. I’m starting to change the channel just for that just as often as I am when I hear a non-country song!
April 28, 2015 @ 9:42 am
I know this may not be the best place, but has anyone heard news about Gary Allan’s new album to be released? My local station was playing an interview and he was talking about how much he disliked his last single, and yet about how his new album was going to be “new, fresh, about getting out of his comfort zone”. Trigger have you heard anything about this?
April 28, 2015 @ 9:52 am
From what i understood and heard, this is an album separate from the one that has “Hangover Tonight” on it, i am forgetting the title.
April 28, 2015 @ 10:49 am
In a recent interview, he said “Mess Me Up” and “High as I’ve Ever Been” will be on the album. You can find video of him performing them live.
April 28, 2015 @ 11:48 am
Chapter 16: I invented Chris Stapleton now bow, say thank you and kiss my flat bill.
April 28, 2015 @ 12:26 pm
I read this column because I like country music. It kinda grew on me…and it grew on me via the Bobby Bones Show. He talked about you once on his show; that led me to your blog, which I generally enjoy. I think it’s possible to like Bobby Bones and not be on the Sam Hunt train (sorry). You’ve introduced me to artists like Ashley Monroe, Jamey Johnson, and even Pokey LeFarge. Bobby’s introduced me to artists like Dan and Shay, Joey + Rory, Chris Stapleton–I’d say between the two of you, I’m getting a pretty well-rounded education. That being said, and with the full disclosure that I appreciate your candor, I have to stand up for Bobby. Okay, so I’m not into the whole spray-tan, Hollywood/TV thing that he’s been talking about lately; doors are opening for him, and that’s cool–I’m not a fan of the man spray-tan. However, you can’t sit there and bag on him for talking about his childhood, which was fraught with parental abandonment, drug addictions, poverty, etc. Those that grow up in that crap often think there’s no way to break the cycle. He did it–he made it out of Nowheresville, AR, and he’s a successful guy. He does an incredible amount of work to support childrens’ and animal charities; as the parent of a child that passed away from an incurable illness, I appreciate anyone that helps out with childrens’ charities. The work he’s done for animal charities has occasionally meant that the doors stay open a little longer–that’s huge. He uses his success to help others, and to incite others to do the same.
Maybe you don’t like the guy (okay, that’s pretty obvious). Don’t knock the fact that he uses his success and his position to inspire change and help people. He’s not perfect–I mean, heck, he’s getting spray tans. He does have a good heart, and I believe for the most part, he’s doing a lot for country music, both new and traditional.
Thank you for loving country music and for not being afraid to post your opinion. I don’t always agree, and I think you pick on certain people more than others…thank God we live in a country where that’s still marginally acceptable.
April 28, 2015 @ 3:06 pm
I can’t give him credit for “doing an incredible amount of work” with charities after seeing what he did to Kacey Musgraves and Aaron Watson. He tore Kacey’s reputation and then did a fake apology using a cancer benefit. Those things don’t mesh with the good guy image. Campy dj stuff is one thing, but this guy has mean jerk side to him.
April 28, 2015 @ 4:41 pm
He’s actually the reason I’ve heard of Kacey Musgrave’s, and in spite of their mini-conflict, he’s done nothing but praise her music. He was also favorably discussing Aaron Watson on the radio/internet a week PRIOR to the incident at his studio, which was later clarified as a miscommunication. That’s not saying that Bobby isn’t occasionally jerk-ish; there is just a little more to the story than you’re pointing out.
April 28, 2015 @ 5:40 pm
There really isn’t.
April 28, 2015 @ 12:32 pm
He’s not horrible. He’s just average. I mean you can go to any small town country music station in the U.S. and find someone with similar or better vocal talent. I really feel like I tuned into a college station when I hear him. So bland. I mean Kix Brooks laps him.
April 28, 2015 @ 2:16 pm
Bobby, who thinks he’s a Mr., Bones can’t take Trigger trashing him.
April 29, 2015 @ 5:14 am
Such insufferable arrogance.
April 29, 2015 @ 8:54 pm
if Norm McDonald narrates the audiobook, i’ll give it a listen.
December 16, 2015 @ 10:57 pm
Bobby bones is the worst morning show I’ve ever heard in my life! I would rather hear pigs being slaughtered for hours then listen to 5 seconds of his horrible show! If he really gave a crap about “country music” then he would push Frank Foster! All bobby bones does is talk about all the charities he donates to! I grew up believing that you should always be a silent helper! This guys an idiot!