Forget that Bobby Bones has only been a national radio personality for a measly two years, apparently that’s plenty of tenure to demand the release of a full blown memoir about his life for the gullible masses to lap up just like they do his laughable excuse for a nationally-syndicated radio show that rapes earholes from coast to coast every morning. Gerry House—the man Bobby Bones ostensibly replaced—spent 25 years behind the WSIX microphone in Nashville before penning an articulate and insightful memoir called Country Music Broke My Brain, and apparently now Bobby Bones has to scoreboard him and everyone else in the publishing biz as well.
There’s no release date as of yet for the Dey Street Books/HarperCollins-published memoir, but a Saving Country Music mole stationed deep in the bowels of the vast HarperCollins corporate offices was able to obtain a copy of the Table of Contents for the book to give potential readers a taste of what they might expect from the edgy DJ.
“Bobby Bones Broke My Brain” Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Exploiting My Childhood Narrative to Mawkishly Pull on Heartstrings at Every Single Turn
Chapter 2: No Talent Hack Aspires to Become Wacky Morning Zoo Huckster
Chapter 3: Career Beginnings: Sucking the Life Force Out of Austin, TX Radio
Chapter 4: How I Svengalied iHeartMedia into Giving Me the Biggest Country Radio Show Ever
Chapter 5: How I Svengalied the Country Music Public Into Thinking I Know Anything About Country
Chapter 6: Playing Everything But Country Music for a Living
Chapter 7: How to Take Credit for Everything
Chapter 8: How I’ve Put Hundreds of Local DJ’s Who Were Pillars of Communities and Important Civic Members Out of Work for My Cost-Cutting Syndicated Homogenized Drivel with an Impersonal Nationalized Scope
Chapter 9: How I Hide Behind My Cancer Charity Like a Shield While I Lob Grenades at Everyone Else and Exploit Their Insecurities for Comedic Fodder.
Chapter 10: How I Attack Others and Then Frame Myself as the Victim
Chapter 11: How I’m Too Cool to Put Aaron Watson on the Air as He Stands Out in My Lobby, But Will Stop the Show Down to Have an Underling Describe How He’s Sexist
Chapter 12: My Dog Dusty
Chapter 13: iHeartMedia’s Impending Bankruptcy
Chapter 14: Suck It Musgraves, I’m Now a Published Author
Chapter 15: My Plan to Subjugate the Entire Human Race Under My Control for the Sole Purpose of Keeping Them Squarely Focused On Me At All Times to Fulfill My Insatiable and Narcissistic Appetite for Attention