Kane Brown’s Dallas Cowboys Thanksgiving Day Performance (A Rant)

Can we not get through even one nationally-televised event that touts itself as featuring “country music” without actual country fans having to hang their heads in shame, and explain vociferously to their friends and family that when they self-identify as a country listener, they don’t mean that kind of country music ?!?

Kane Brown took center field at AT&T Stadium on Thanksgiving Day to perform a medley of his hit during the halftime of the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Football Team game, and no, it wasn’t the expired cream cheese in the pumpkin pie that had folks hurling up giblets, it was the prancing wanker lip syncing at the 50-yard-line.

“Hey, if you don’t like it just turn it off!”

What, and miss all the unintended comedy?

Kane Brown started off by singing a snippet of his song “Worldwide Beautiful,” which is all about finding the beauty in diversity enveloped in a message of inclusion and acceptance. And yes, for a brief, gorgeous moment, all political and racial strife in America melted away, and everyone was brought together as one in the collective wonderment of what kind of fresh hell was unfolding on our television screens.

“Hey, I have that jacket!” my 9-year-old niece chirped at our socially-distanced Thanksgiving gathering when Kane Brown came out awash in sparkles, and even she could deduce that Kane Brown was performing at night when it was still broad-ass daylight in Texas. They didn’t disclose performance was pre-recorded (sure, COVID was probably the culprit), but perhaps the timeline incongruity was meant to draw your attention away from the lip-syncing and indolent choreography that only 15-year-old girls and meth heads from Tuscaloosa would find appealing.

“Hey, but it was for a good cause! It was to launch the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle campaign!”

Yeah, how about I just drop a Hamilton in the bucket just to have Kane Brown go the hell away, and we can forgo all the Godawful pop histrionics and national embarrassment? Booking Kane Brown for the annual Thanksgiving halftime is like inviting a positive communicable case of COVID-19 over for your holiday festivities. This is a dude that literally that got so lost on his own property a few months ago, he had to call the cops to rescue him.

People were worried that abortion would become illegal when Amy Coney Barrett ascended to the Supreme Court of the United States? We’ll we got to witness one right out in the open on the field of play and in front of a national audience on Thursday, November 26th, 2020. And no, I’m not talking about the bungled fake punt by the Dallas Cowboys in the 4th quarter that sealed the game for Washington.

Next year get Cody Jinks, or someone with some actual ties to the Dallas area, or Texas, or cowboys, or country music, or just something that’s good. Get a damn juggler or ventriloquist. Anything else but this. Kane Brown can get lost.

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