Mercifully, The NFL Thanksgiving Halftime Performer Doesn’t Completely Suck in 2016

In early 2015, after his entire crew came down with a stomach bug, Eric Church performed an entire concert on acoustic guitar, and STILL gave everyone rain checks. Let’s see Luke Bryan or Pitbull do that.

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Now here is something to be thankful for.

Over the last decade and beyond, it has not been humanly possible to book more godawful performers for the centerpiece of the NFL’s Thanksgiving schedule than what we’ve seen take center field during the halftime of the Dallas Cowboys’ football game. It’s like they purposely conduct a study to find who is the most dreadful performer of the day that is destined to be relegated to the dustbin of popular music history, and have them come out to do dance moves to a pre-recorded track.

Last year it was Luke Bryan, ringing in the holy season by dry humping the air with pelvic thrusts, and doing his stupid thing of pointing to imaginary friends out in the audience. Who else have we had recently? Pitbull? TWICE? Daughtry and The Jonas Brothers? Creed? Jessica Simpson? The list reads like a has-been of now washed up pop performers. There’s a few decent ones in there. I guess Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood make sense. I mean sure, this halftime performer has to be someone who appeals to a wide audience, I get that. You’re not going to book American Aquarium for this thing, though you wouldn’t hear me complaining.

But at least don’t make me hang my head in shame at the Thanksgiving table as a country music fan. You can only guess how the conversation turns after you declare your love to country to your distant cousins, and then Kenny Chesney marches out on stage looking like a human melanoma, singing yet another fucking song about getting hammered on the beach.

I’m not even some huge fan of Eric Church. My personal history with the dude has been dicey to say the least. But his most recent record Mr. Misunderstood is not half bad, and if nothing else, you feel confident that he’ll at least take the opportunity seriously and do something that doesn’t completely insult the intelligence. He’s an actual musician for crying out loud, who can play an instrument and sing live and stuff. His current single is “Kill A Word,” and if he performs that, it’s probably something we could all heed at this time.

In the late 90’s this gig was reserved for good country music artists. After all, it is in Texas. Reba McEntire, Randy Travis, and Clint Black played the first three years when the performance became the annual kickoff of the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle campaign. It would be great if this could take a turn in that direction in the coming years.

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The Dallas Cowboys Thanksgiving Halftime Performers Over The Years:

  • 2015 – Luke Bryan
  • 2014 – Pitbull
  • 2013- Selena Gomez
  • 2012 – Kenny Chesney
  • 2011 – Pitbull
  • 2010 – Keith Urban
  • 2009- Daughtry
  • 2008 – The Jonas Brothers
  • 2007 – Kelly Clarkson
  • 2006 – Carrie Underwood
  • 2005 – Sheryl Crow
  • 2004 – Destiny’s Child
  • 2003 – Toby Keith
  • 2002 – LeAnn Rimes
  • 2001 – Creed
  • 2000 – Jessica Simpson
  • 1999 – Clint Black
  • 1998 – Randy Travis
  • 1997 – Reba McEntire