Nashville To “Go Country”

In response to the recent trend of many high-profile celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Lady Gaga “Going Country”, a whole city has decided to jump on the trend, and one you may have not expected: Nashville.

That’s right, Nashville is “Going Country” according to Butros Butros Frankenfurter, a representative for the recently-formed “Nashville Goes Country Inc.”, an organization made up of many of the city’s major labels, as well as booking agencies, management companies, music publishers, and even institutions like The Grand Ole Opry.

“I know it may seem weird to think about at first. Some still consider Nashville the “Home of Country Music”. But let’s be honest, except for a few dirty old drunks down on lower Broad, Music City really hasn’t made any real country music since Garth Brooks got to town. Taylor Swift? Lady Antebellum? I think we can all agree there’s no country there. The city has been gradually trending to pop and adult contemporary for years, which puts us in a perfect position to take advantage of the “Going Country” trend today!”

But with the economic downturn, and city and state budgets having to deal with record shortfalls, some local Nashville residents are worried that the plan to “Go Country” will take away from other city resources. Frankenfurter says not to worry:

That’s the great thing about the current “going country” trend. You really don’t have to make any fundamental changes to say you’ve done it. No “new sounds” are necessary, no “makeovers” need to be done. We’ll just announce that we have always been country at heart, that we grew up as a small town listening to the country music our grandparents played. Then the city will head into the studio to cut a duet with either George Jones or Dolly Parton and the rout is on!”

When asked if Nashville residents will see any day to day changes in their city after the “Going Country” transformation is complete, Butros Butros assured:

Nothing is changing folks. In fact, if anything, the trend to make the music coming from this city even more homogenized and safe will continue. The goal of “Nashville Goes Country Inc.” is the same goal Music Row has had for years: to continue dumbing down music until to consists solely of electronic sounds scientifically formulated to cause a dopamine responses in the human brain that keeps people sedated and productive in cookie-cutter existences, while real live musicians are slowly replaced by marketing majors.

–Country music could not be reached for comment.