Perfunctory Post on the 2020 ACM Awards Nominations

Like someone with the Coronavirus coughing in your face, here come the 2020 ACM Awards nominations. With Maren Morris and Thomas Rhett leading the pack of nominees with five nominations each, Justin Bieber receiving three nominations while folks like Tyler Childers, Cody Jinks, and others go ignored, oh, and Keith Urban being announced as the host this year, you might as well be getting news from the local doctor where you’re quarantine station is located.

A nomination for The Highwomen, Cody Johnson for Best New Male Artist (an award they hand out on a random Thursday via tweet), and Jon Pardi’s Heartache Medication are no real consolation for the rest of the awfulness on parade here. When you’re wondering if the Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus collaboration will beat out the Justin Bieber & Dan + Shay collaboration for an award, it’s an indication just how awful the ACM Awards really are.

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR

Eric Church or Luke Combs should win it. Carrie Underwood is who everyone will demand wins it. Garth Brooks will eventually win it pissing everyone off, and he’s not even nominated.

Luke Bryan
Eric Church
Luke Combs
Thomas Rhett
Carrie Underwood

FEMALE ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Neck and neck battle between Maren Morris and Kacey Musgraves because they talk the most shit on country fans on Twitter.

Kelsea Ballerini
Miranda Lambert
Maren Morris
Kacey Musgraves
Carrie Underwood

MALE ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Luke Combs will win this walking away, then walk out on stage to accept it with a solo cup in his hand, and BBQ sauce stain on his shirt.

Dierks Bentley
Luke Combs
Thomas Rhett
Chris Stapleton
Keith Urban

DUO OF THE YEAR

Dan + Shay secure their 7-figure endorsement deal with Vidal Sassoon after securing this most obvious of ACM picks.

Brooks & Dunn
Brothers Osborne
Dan + Shay
Florida Georgia Line
Maddie & Tae

GROUP OF THE YEAR

Hey! We don’t hate women! Look! We gave the Highwomen a nomination! (Old Dominion wins anyway.)

Lady Antebellum
Little Big Town
Midland
Old Dominion
The Highwomen

NEW FEMALE ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Tenille Townes deserves this. Great mainstream artist. But it goes to Lindsay Ell as a consolation prize for having to date Bobby Bones for a spell.

Ingrid Andress
Gabby Barrett
Lindsay Ell
Caylee Hammack
Tenille Townes

NEW MALE ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Morgan Wallen is “new”? Either way, he gets the nomination. Cool to see Cody Johnson nominated, but the mullet alone will mean Morgan comes out on top.

Jordan Davis
Russell Dickerson
Riley Green
Cody Johnson
Morgan Wallen

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Jon Pardi should win this if we’re taking about quality. Luke Combs should win this if were talking about commercial performance. But Maren Morris will win this as a way to keep the media off country’s back about the lack of women, and they’ll still slaughter a small forest after the ACMs to blame white old males for everything.

Center Point Road – Thomas Rhett
GIRL – Maren Morris
Heartache Medication – Jon Pardi
What You See Is What You Get – Luke Combs
Wildcard – Miranda Lambert

SINGLE OF THE YEAR

Actually not an entirely terrible list of nominees. “God’s Country” is your frontrunnner.

“God’s Country” – Blake Shelton
“One Man Band” – Old Dominion
“Rainbow” – Kacey Musgraves
“Rumor” – Lee Brice
“What If I Never Get Over You” – Lady Antebellum

SONG OF THE YEAR

“10,000 Hours” should be a Single of the Year nominee, not Song of the Year. That sucks because it’s probably going to win, not giving Ashley McBryde a fair chance with an actual Song of the Year-caliber song.

“10,000 Hours” – Dan + Shay feat. Justin Bieber
“Girl Goin’ Nowhere” – Ashley McBryde
“God’s Country” – Blake Shelton
“One Man Band” – Old Dominion
“Some of It” – Eric Church

VIDEO OF THE YEAR

Ha! Video.

“10,000 Hours” – Dan + Shay feat. Justin Bieber
“God’s Country” – Blake Shelton
“One Man Band” – Old Dominion
“Remember You Young” – Thomas Rhett
“Sugar Coat” – Little Big Town

MUSIC EVENT OF THE YEAR

Coronavirus, spare me now from having to witness the handing out of this award.

“10,000 Hours” – Dan + Shay feat. Justin Bieber
“Dive Bar” – Garth Brooks feat. Blake Shelton
“Fooled Around and Fell in Love” – Miranda Lambert feat. Maren Morris, Ashley McBryde, Tenille Townes, Caylee Hammack & Elle King
“Old Town Road” – Lil Nas X feat. Billy Ray Cyrus
“What Happens in a Small Town” – Brantley Gilbert feat. Lindsay Ell

SONGWRITER OF THE YEAR

Ashley Gorley wins as part of the ACM Awards effort to emphasize the critical role women play in the success of country music. Voters only figure out later Ashley Gorley is a man.

Ashley Gorley
Michael Hardy
Hillary Lindsey
Shane McAnally
Josh Osborne

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