Check This Out:
I’m not lying when I tell you that without asking Mr. Google, I could not name you one song, not even one song by Kenny Chesney or Keith Urban. I just don’t pay attention to pop country. But the other day when I was sitting in Subway enjoying a scrumptious footlong for only $5, I almost left my lunch in my lap when I heard Nelly Furtado singing with some pop country douche.
Something inside me just knew: KEITH FUCKING URBAN!
I can’t believe Nelly Furtado would bring herself down to play with the likes of Keith Urban. I’m serious. I’d rather listen to Nelly Furtado than that ass munch. I’d rather listen to her with the ‘prick’ sound of each of my pubic hairs being pulled out one by one in the background while a sumo wrestler perpetually passes gas in my face than listen to Keith fucking Urban.
I mean look at this dude:
I’d like to take that $3,000 hair cut and swab the floor of the greyhound bus stop’s men’s room with it right after I just took a dump right next to the toilet.
This isn’t anything like when Cash sang with Dylan, or even when Willie sang with Julio Eglasias. This would be like Garth Brooks singing with Michael Jackson or the Backstreet Boys.
And Then There’s This:
I mean really, what could I say that this picture doesn’t say itself? This picture says it all. It is a microcosm of pop country. Fake machismo mixed with metrosexual effeminate bullshit targeted to the demographic of 14-year-old girls.
I mean sure, I could sit here a dream up clever ways to say he looks like a homosexual in this picture, but I think lumping Tim McGraw with gays would even be offensive to the gay community.
Wait a second, fucking Tim McGraw is selling perfume?
Give me a fucking break with the popped collar.
This is what we’re contending with? Well all of a sudden I don’t feel so bad. Seriously.
You look at all of this stuff and it’s clear that the wheels are shooting off of pop country. They are selling out left and right, and being more pop than pop music to try to support an aging system and infrastructure in Trashville that is nearing collapse. This can’t last much longer. They’re running on fumes, and soon their asses will end up in the ditch.
And once they’re in the ditch, who will be the ones hooking up the chains to pull their asses out? That’s right, the hellbillies in their 4X4’s.
All this bullshit is a bellwether. Pop country is on the ropes.