Quit Using Music Stars As Your Unwitting Political Pawns, Mkay?


WARNING: Some Language

Politics can go eat shit. If that’s what you’re all off into, that’s fine, but leave me and music out of it. I’m not talking about the left side, or the right side, or Hillary Clinton, or Donald Trump, or classified emails, or irresponsible tweets. I’m talking about it all. Rake it up into a big pile and burn it. It’s all bullshit, and one of the beautiful things about music is it’s a space removed for the morass of political ideologies that have only worked to stagnate human progress by polarizing the population and have as all laboring against each other. And how dare you take your dumbass political agendas and lump them on the shoulders of unwitting country stars just because you think it will help forward your cause.

A few weeks ago at a press conference, Dolly Parton was pelted with political questions as she embarked on her Pure and Simple concert tour. Far be it from the media to ask her about fucking music, seeing how she’s one of the most prolific country music songwriters in history, and is a living musical icon standing in our midst. No, let’s instead ask her about the Presidential race and transgender bathrooms. You know, because she’s uniquely qualified to give her opinion on such matters as a bedazzled music performer full of boob jokes.

After being grilled on the massacre in Orlando and transgender rights, someone asked Dolly about what it would mean to have a woman in the White House.

“Lord help us on who’s going to become president!” Dolly responded. “I don’t know, it’s the greatest show on earth. I’ve never seen anything like it. I think Hillary Clinton would — I don’t think it matters if you’re a man or a woman, I think I’ve proven that in show business. I think if you’re qualified it would be wonderful to have a woman president, if she’s qualified to do the job. I don’t know who’s going to wind up being president but we’re going to have PMS either way in the White House: presidential mood swings.”

This was Dolly Parton’s sweet, playful way of avoiding an arguably inappropriate question. Dolly Parton is a friend of all, and doesn’t want or need to be dragged into the political fray. “I really think it’s important that we as a nation, we as a people, try and love each other a little better and try and love each other a little more,” she said earlier in the press conference. She even said when someone asked her if Donald Trump would be qualified as President,

“I don’t know! I’m not going to get into politics. I’ve been thinking about running for president myself — I have the hair for it. We need more boobs in the White House! You know me, I don’t get into political things, I just hope and pray we get somebody wonderful.”

Because of course, we have to hound Dolly fucking Parton to take a political stance so that the body politic can be satiated with knowing her position on the issues. And even though she handled the ridiculous questions with humor and grace, what was the big takeaway from the press conference?

That Dolly Parton had endorsed Hillary Clinton, because she wants to see a woman in the White House. Like 3-year-old’s sharing a secret, by the time the truth got to the end of the line it wasn’t what Dolly said, but what some wanted her to say. And of course this is ultimately paraded around by left-leaning periodicals and pundits as a victory since Dolly Parton is so revered in the traditionally conservative realm of country music. And all of a sudden Dolly Parton is facing a backlash and losing fans because of something she did not say to a question she shouldn’t have been asked in the first place.

What’s worse is that in this particular political year, if you take a political stance on something, you don’t just risk pissing off half the population, you risk pissing off 2/3’rds of them, because the two major Presidential candidates are so unliked. So on Tuesday (7-5), Dolly Parton was forced to come out and make yet another political statement and more boob jokes to counteract the rampant misreporting.

“This morning while I was watching the news I saw many reports that I had endorsed Hillary Clinton. My comment about supporting a woman in the White House was taken out of context. I have not endorsed Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump. I try not to get political but if I am, I might as well just run myself ’cause I’ve got the hair for it, it’s huge, and they could always use more boobs in the race. But seriously, I have not decided who I’m voting for, but no matter what we’re gonna be suffering from PMS, Presidential Mood Swings.”

The whole thing smacks of when a British tabloid tried to wrangle an endorsement of gay marriage from Carrie Underwood a couple of years back. Look, some country artists choose to take political stances, like Charlie Daniels believing were mere moments away from having hordes of invading Muslims pouring over our porous borders to enact Sharia law, or Willie Nelson saying 9/11 was a conspiracy and pot will cure all disease and solve America’s economic woes.

But the thing about music legends is they are legends for us all, and unite individuals with songs that speak to the universal struggles and shared joys that all Americans and humans experience. If an artist decides to enter the political fray, that’s on them. But it never should be foisted upon them so that music can hopefully remain a respite from political spats, and a place where people of all stripes and political ideologies are welcome.