Here we go folks, our annual gathering of old souls and independent-minded country fans to collectively commiserate and contemplate what the hell has happened to our fair genre known as country music as the pomp and circumstance of the CMA Awards transpires right before our shocked and disgruntled eyes. Be forewarned that all sense of decorum and courtesy will be tossed aside in lieu of admittedly immature and reactionary snark delivered with little or no governor. This is a night to get small and speak our minds, while at the same time being willing to give credit to any glimmers of true talent or hope.
So get your refresh fingers ready, and feel free to chime in yourself below in the comments.
Touch gloves and let’s go!
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Recap of the Winners:
- Entertainer of the Year – George Strait
- Male Vocalist of the Year – Blake Shelton
- Female Vocalist of the Year – Miranda Lambert
- Album of the Year – Blake Shelton’s Based On A True Story
- Song of the Year – “I Drive Your Truck”
- Single of the Year – “Cruise”
- Vocal Duo of the Year – Florida Georgia Line
- Vocal Group of the Year – Little Big Town
- New Artist of the Year – Kacey Musgraves
- Musical Event of the Year – Tim McGraw with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban for “Highway Don’t Care.”
- Music Video of the Year – Tim McGraw with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban for “Highway Don’t Care.”
- Musician of the Year – Mac McAnally (Guitar)
- Lifetime Achievement Award – Kenny Rogers
- Pinnacle Award – Taylor Swift
10:13 – Will probably elaborate more on this later, but I honestly felt like this year’s CMA Awards was a retrenching of sorts to the roots of the music. Yes, of course, some of the performances and outfits and such were over-the-top, which is to be expected, but with the massive with for George Strait for Entertainer of the Year, the tributes to George Jones and Kenny Rogers, and even Taylor Swift’s performance that showcased Alison Krauss, Sam Bush, and Vice gill, there was more face time for traditional country artists on tonight’s show than in recent memory.
And not to gloat 😉 , but out of my CMA predictions, I was a perfect 7 for 7 on the big awards, though a few of them I’d picked multiple possibilities, so…
Some notable losers: Luke Bryan got completely shut out. Jason Aldean got shut out. Taylor Swift only won with her collaboration with Tim McGraw (though she did receive the Pinnacle Award). And Kacey Musgraves, despite her 6 nominations, only won for New Artist of the Year.
10:06 – Not that George Strait needs an alternative winner, but since I had it prepared, here’s your INDEPENDENT alternative to the CMA Entertainer of the Year.
10:04 – Thanks so much to everyone for stopping by! Thanks to everyone that left comments, retweeted, reposeted, or just participated with your eyes! I am going to compose one last post as a summation, and then say goodnight!
10:02 – George Strait’s win for Entertainer of the Year is HUGE folks!
9:59 – The 2013 CMA for Entertainer of the Year goes to George Strait.
9:57 – Yyyyyyyeeeeessssssss!!!
9:55 – And why is a talking head from some morning show presenting what is supposed to be the most prestigious award in country music? Wouldn’t it be a good time to shine the spotlight on someone else?
9:53 – Your Saving Country Music alternative for Male Vocalist of the Year: Sturgill Simpson
9:52 – The CMA for Male Vocalist of the Year goes to Blake Shelton.
9:51 – NNNoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:49 – I know this song might be very personal to Luke Bryan, but seeing how Chris Stapleton wrote it and not him, and it ends with such a cliche lyrical hook, I just can’t buy into it. Good for Stapleton though to get this exposure.
9:46 – That is Chris Stapleton on stage with Luke Bryan.
9:42 – Your Saving Country Music alternative for Female Vocalist of the Year: Caitlin Rose
9:41 – Safe, unsexy pick for Female Vocalist, but hard to get too worked up about.
9:40 – The CMA for Female Vocalist of the Year goes to Miranda Lambert.
9:37 – Kenny Rogers is presented with the CMA Lifetime Achievement Award.
9:36 – Serviceable Kenny Rogers tribute, but how about including some of his contemporaries?
9:34 – I swear, I’ve seen more shimmery Disco pants tonight than in a swanky downtown cocaine bar. I guess silvery silk is the new denim.
9:32 – SOURCE: Darius Rucker had to receive an emergency tetanus shot after being impaled in the abdomen by a particularly sharp shard of Gary LeVox’s bleached hair during rehearsal.
9:29 – The big awards coming up! Male and Female Vocalist, and Entertainer of the Year. 30 more minutes. Hang in there!
9:25 – Fun Fact: The first CMA Awards taping was televised in 1968, and the first live broadcast was in 1969.
9:22 – Audio for Zac Brown Band sounded fine. Brad Paisley’s performance sounds completely washed out. These performers deserve better.
9:20 – See Eric Church, this is how you blend country and rock influences without being gimmicky, trite, and overreaching.
9:18 – I would have liked this Zac Brown performance more if he hadn’t made nice with Luke Bryan and the beginning of the show 😉
9:16 – Dave Grohl has to watch that whole “as ubiquitous as Sheryl Crow” label, but he’s really hard not to like.
9:13 – A little abridged, but a worthy tribute to George Jones. Wouldn’t have mind seeing a video montage like they did for Taylor Swift’s Pinnacle Award or a little more effort. But it was more than the 30 seconds passed greats usually get stuck with.
9:09 – George Strait and Alan Jackson delivering a stirring tribute on George Jones by singing “He Stopped Loving Her Today” with a backdrop indicative of the Grand Ole Opry.
9:08 – Your Saving Country Music alternative to Blake Shelton’s Album of the Year win is The Mavericks In Time
9:06 – The CMA For Vocal Group of the Year goes to Little Big Town.
9:05 – Kellie Pickler finally gets some face time on the CMA’s….and it’s with Puff Daddy.
9:02 – Man, Carrie Underwood can sing, but I’m not sure why she decided to wear workout shorts to the performance.
8:59 – I was about to say, wasn’t that Carrie Underwood “Good Girl” song an old one to sing here, but it appears we’re getting the ‘ol song medley.
8:55 – Fun Fact: George Strait is the most nominated artist in CMA history with 82 nominations. He’s also won the most CMA Awards, with a total of 16 wins…
…and he never received the “Pinnacle Award”
8:53 – How thrilled did George Strait look to be on that stage for Taylor’s Pinnacle Award?
8:52 – Yes folks, it was Eric Church pissing off Rascal Flatts that gave Taylor Swift her big break.
8:51 – Taylor is presented the Pinnacle Award by Tim McGraw, Rascal Flatts, George Strait, Faith Hill, Keith Urban, and Brad Paisley, with video accolades Justin Timberlake, Reese Whiterspoon, Mick Jagger, Julia Roberts, and Ellen Degeneres.
8:46 – Taylor Swift receives the Pinnacle Award, “given to an artist who has achieved worldwide success and recognition that’s unique to country music.” The award was created in 2005, and has only been awarded one other time to Garth Brooks.
8:44 – Sorry, I’m boycotting Blake Shelton’s performance. It’s probably some sappy, overproduced song written by someone else.
8:38 – However, Blake Shelton’s win does keep my prediction winning streak going. 5 for 5.
8:37 – Back to the Blake Shelton win for Album of the Year, this was really the worst of all possibilities in my opinion. Just about anybody else deserved it more no matter if you’re basing the winner on creative or commercial success.
8:34 – Tim McGraw’s performance is completely flat. The crowd looks bored. Yawn.
8:33 – Every day Tim McGraw’s body more resembles that of a female 40-something Venice Beach body builder with melanoma.
8:32 – Time to schedule that anorexic intervention for Tim McGraw. Christ.
8:29 – The CMA for Album of the Year goes to Blake Shelton for Based on a True Story.
8:28 – Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:27 – Insert snarky comment here about how The Band Perry brothers have hairdo like hobbits.
8:26 – Kimberly Perry is a good singer, but her live performances always come across as breathy.
8:24 – This washed out sound, especially at the very beginning of performances is whipping my audiophile ass. It’s a music show folks, let’s at least get that part right!
8:22 – 4 for 4 on my predictions so far (though I did split my New Artists prediction between Musgraves and FGL).
8:21 – Fun Fact: The first CMA Awards taping was televised in 1968, and the first live broadcast was in 1969.
8:19 – I’m sorry, I’m seeing some inconsistencies in this performance. Some of that ending part at least looked pre-recorded.
8:17 – HELL YEAH!!! This is the best Bon Jovi song I’ve heard in years!!!
8:15 – Kacey Muasgraves beats out Florida Georgia Line for New Artist. Chalk it up as a victory.
8:14 – The CMA for New Artist of the Year goes to Kacey Musgraves.
8:13 – Which one is Hunter Hayes, and which is Ellen DeGeneres? Yes! (via Farce The Music)
8:12 – SOURCE: Hunter Hayes has been warned by his label Atlantic Records that if he ever goes through puberty, they will drop him from their roster.
8:10 – Back to the Taylor Swift performance, it was with Vince Gill, Alison Krauss, mandolin player Sam Bush, bassist Edger Meyer, and percussionist Eric Darden.
8:08 – The CMA for Musician of the Year went to Mac McAnally (Guitar).
8:05 – If you’re wondering what Brian Kelley (the Doogie Houser looking dude) from Florida-Georgia Line actually does:
- 1. Hold back Tyler Hubbard’s hair when he vomits his designer drugs into the toilet.
- __ 2. Check ID’s of groupies to make sure they’re older than 18, but younger than 18 1/2.
- __ 3. Issue fake ID’s to groupies younger than 18.
- __ 4.Look really, really pretty at all times.
- __ 5. Make sure Tyler Hubbard’s penis pump is securely fashioned in its dedicated stowaway compartment on the tour bus before the bus departs.
- __ 6. Measure Tyler Hubbard’s penis.
- __ 7. Make sure Antares Auto-Tune software in concert sound system is updated, backed-up, and virus scanned before each performance.
- __ 8. De-shell 50 M&M’s, put them in Tyler Hubbard’s Mighty Morphin Power Rangers cup, and place beside his bed in the bus.
- __ 9. Never talk to the media about your unhealthy obsession with My Little Pony.
- __ 10. Never actually sing or play guitar.
8:02 – Heard no pitch issues from Taylor (always a concern), she looked beautiful, and delivered a solid performance. Just wish the audio wasn’t so washed out.
8:00 – Sorry Taylor Swift haters, but this is a really substantive moment for the CMA’s, showcasing some really cool artists to a wider audience. And this song, that Taylor Swift wrote, and Nathan Chapman produced, is not bad.
7:58 – Wow, crowd of 12,000 went completely silent for Taylor Swift’s performance.
7:54 – Your Saving Country Music alternative for Vocal Duo of the Year: First Aid Kit
7:53 – This song is a song is a leaving me flat. So is the performance. Too manic.
7:51 – Is it me, or is the audio of all the performances a little washed out?
7:50 – For those of you counting at home, I’m 3 for 3 on my predictions. Here’s the predictions.
7:48 – CMA for Vocal Duo of the Year goes to Florida Georgia Line.
7:47 – Vocal duo of the year will go to Florida Georgia Line.
7:43 – Not terrible, Little Big Town. Don’t know why more artists don’t go for the stripped-down acoustic setup that highlights their stregnths and talents instead of the big production. Good 4 part harmonies.
7:40 – Fun fact: The very first Entertainer of the Year was Eddy Arnold in 1967.
7:38 – I’ll take “I Drive Your Truck.” It’s a good, heartfelt song, regardless of maybe being pandering a little bit.
7:36 – The CMA for Song of the Year goes to “I Drive Your Truck.”
7:34 – Wow! Didn’t know The Lumineers were performing tonight. Cool!
7:32 – Really purturbed about this Kacey Musgraves editing. I’m pretty much over all the pot references in music, but let the girl do her thing!
7:28 – Okay, they’re bleeping out the “roll up a joint” completely against the spirit of the song. Not cool. Not cool at all. Let the girl sing her song! Booo!
7:26 – And Kacey self-edits “roll up a joint.” This is somewhat disappointing. At least there’s a steel guitar.
7:24 – Oh great, they put Kacey Musgraves, the girl that is nominated for the most CMA’s, on the “other” stage.
7:22 – Jason Aldean wouldn’t be caught dead in a box car unless it was fitted with a manscapping attendant and a bidet.
7:21 – Fun fact: There are about 12,000 people in attendance at the Bridgestone Arena.
7:20 – And just if you thought my previous line about Florida Georgia Line and Luke Bryan hanging out in the bathroom together, here’s a pic of them rehearsing their routine earlier today:
7:16 – Your Saving Country Music alternative for Single of the Year: Josh Abbott Band “I’ll Sing About Mine”
7:15 – Scout’s honor, I wrote that following line before they announced it. Pretty obvious here.
7:14 – The CMA for Single of the Year goes to Florida Georgia Line for “Cruise.”
7:12 – Leave them wanting more Carrie and Brad. I’m starting to yawn and fumble with my phone.
7:10 – Seriously, Luke Bryan. That shirt. Someone should have intervened.
7:07 – Okay, this feuding bit is kind of funny. Though I couldn’t tell you who the hell Julianna Hough is.
7:06 – Zac Brown and Luke Bryan hug on the front row while hosts Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley sing “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” Anyone know how to get vomit out of the nooks and crannies of a computer keyboard?
7:04 – After this, Luke Bryan & Florida Georgia Line will all go to the bathroom together like sorority sisters out on a Saturday night.
7:03 – Seriously folks, quite being so mean. I think Luke Bryan’s shimmer blouse is quite handsome.
7:00 – Yeah, here’s Luke Bryan’s “big black jacked up truck—the one with the catfish sucking up Frito crumbs off the floorboards:
6:58 – Presented without commentary:
6:55 – A fun fact to get us started: The original CMA Award was made out of walnut wood, and was designed to resemble a radio chart bullet. The current trophy weighs 7½ pounds. Here’s a picture of the CMA trophies over the years from Ricky Skaggs:
6:54 – Some awards have already been given out. On Good Morning America today, both the CMA “Musical Event of the Year” and “Music Video of the Year” was awarded to Tim McGraw with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban for “Highway Don’t Care.” Also, Scott Borchetta beat out Mike Curb for “Country Cretin of the Year” by the measure of one dead Zimbabwean orphan.