We took the time to celebrate some of the Best Songs Released in 2018, as well as some of the Best Albums, so now it’s time to place a clothespin firmly on our noses, slip on some elbow-length rubber gloves, and go digging through the cesspool that is radio country to dredge up the absolute worst offenses.
Cute, Florida Georgia Line, cute. Call your latest album Can’t Say I Ain’t Country and act as if this somehow insulates you against what any country music fan worth their salt already knows inherently. I can, and will say you ain’t country if I damn well please, as will the rest of us.
It’s now been two months since purely pop star Bebe Rexha eclipsed the all-time record on the 70-year-old Billboard Hot Country Songs chart for consecutive weeks at #1, and there is still no end in sight for the song’s reign. 43 weeks now the song has remained in the top spot, with challengers coming and going with no real threat.
Kane Brown and Luke Combs couldn’t be more different. But they are both a new style of country star who made their ascent into mainstream stardom 100% during the streaming era, and due to the streaming era specifically. Last week, both artists announced their own arena tours.
The role of mainstream country music in this contentious time of ever-present social cataclysm and perennial political polarization is starting to materialize, and in pretty conclusive form. Country music is seeing all the turmoil, and wanting to be a calming, unifying voice, instead of choosing sides, and lending to the discord.
You complain that the songs from today’s top country stars are no good and they should start cutting songs that are halfway decent like the ones your favorite independent and underground artists play … until they attempt to do that very thing, and come across like total dork asses.
Apparently there is a hard and fast proviso in the mainstream country music bylaws stating that artists signed to major labels must release a torpid, moronic ode to coincide with the official observance of summer each calendar year. Over the years Luke Bryan has been one of the most steadfast observers of this natural summer phenomenon.
Just like the malaise we’re seeing in music and movies, attempting to reboot ‘American Idol’ is the sign of a lack of new ideas or originality. America has moved on from American Idol, and unless it’s willing to dramatically adapt to the times, it will be like an anchor on ABC and its cast.
I’m sorry, but Luke Bryan’s “Most People Are Good” is a good song. It’s a really good song. And we’re all just going to have to deal with that in whatever way we individually see fit, however painful it might be. The biggest problem with “Most People Are Good” is that Luke Bryan sings it.
What do they say about rednecks with money? Well the one named Luke Bryan decided to buy his wife a pair of damn baby kangaroos for Christmas, and then put human diapers on them so they could hop hop all around the house according to photos that surfaced on Instagram from numerous family members.
We were so swept up in praising ourselves for all the gains made in the independent realm of country music in 2017, it wasn’t until here in the dwindling moments of the year that we realized just what a dreadful era 2017 posed in the mainstream.
Luke Bryan is the Ronald McDonald of country music. Millions and millions served, even if the fare is nothing more than palatable. So many paychecks and livelihoods beyond Bryan’s own inner circle depend on him taking center stage and shaking his ass for the amusement of millions each year.
Sturgill Simpson, who has regularly criticized print media for coming to him with preconceived notions for interviews, has clarified his statement about Luke Bryan to the New York Times, and revealed via screenshots that his quote about Luke Bryan was cut off mid sentence, and never meant for public consumption.
Bro-Country godfather Luke Bryan is getting ready to give birth to his latest recorded monstrosity called What Makes You Country in a day or two, and in a recent feature in New York Times Magazine aiming to prove to us all what a good ol’ average Joe country boy he is, some pretty mirthful revelations emerged.
Make no mistake about it, the reason a song like this came about is because of the continued criticism coming at artists like Luke Bryan that question their legitimacy as country performers. This means the spirited dissent being logged by literally millions of country fans at this point is being heard, and making an impact.
This troubling turn, which takes the concerning trend of the rabid consumerism embedded into the lyrics of today’s popular songs, and brings it to a point that can only be described as Objectophilia, which by definition, is a form of sexuality focused on inanimate objects as opposed to human beings.
Music can teach us that we all love, we all face fears, and we all can overcome whatever inward or outward oppression that may be dogging us to flourish and prosper. If a music artist chooses to broach political subjects or to speak out against injustices in their music, them more power to them. But don’t hold silence accountable as complicity.
Some might think this will sound like a broken record or a tired topic, that all the Chris Stapleton praise and plaudits for his remarkable sales numbers have run their course. But the argument can be made that we’re still not making a big enough about what Chris Stapleton is accomplishing in country music right now.
Now Nashville’s decided to try and make the Geico Caveman a superstar it appears, and it’s only appropriate, because to find anything fetching in this anthem to American devolution, your forehead has to stick out over your eyebrows so far that you don’t need to wear a hat in the rain.
In April, WME, who represents country music superstar Luke Bryan, received a letter from the FTC, or Federal Trade Commission. The letter makes reference to an Instagram picture where Luke Bryan is touting his clothing line that is called “HFE,” which is short for the title of his hit single, “Huntin’ Fishin’ and Lovin’ Every Day.”
Chris Stapleton’s sophomore album ‘From A Room: Vol. 1’ is the #1 selling record this week in pure album sales across all genres, beating out rapper Logic’s new album ‘Everybody.’ However due to new chart rules that consider streaming data, Stapleton will come in #2 in the major charts.
Stupid list thing going around the innernets these days asking music folks to list off then bands they’ve seen live, but one is a lie. As a similar exercise to get your country music brain muscles firing and to test your true acumen on the genre, let’s see if you can navigate this difficult intellectual exercise.
Wonder why pretty much every mainstream country single sounds ostensibly the same? It’s probably because they all pretty much do. Lill illustrates how nine songs on Billboard’s Hot Country Songs chart all employ the same exact drum beat, and within the same 15 or so beats per minute.