I know a lot of folks are going to roll up on this review hoping to see a crime scene unfold, hoping that I show no mercy and draw blood on this embarrassment of American country music. But the truth is, I don’t have much to say about it. I’ve got no dry powder here. What could be said that hasn’t been said many times before to the point of being redundant, or that isn’t obvious to the clear-minded listener?
Since music no longer holds any intrinsic value to the American consumer and they’d rather steal a song than have it be sold to them for less than a pack of gum, merch, MERCH is where all the money is now. Major labels manufacture merch in the textile industry’s version of puppy mills somewhere in southeast Asia. Here’s some country music T Shirts you won’t see for sale anytime soon.
Bare midriffs, buxom gyrations, and badass cars are no match for the curves and character of a real country face served cold. Neither is the caricaturish, shallow, and materialistic portrayal of rural life in pop country compared to the sense of family and community, and the fulfillment of hard work that accompanies true country living. Now that is something to be envious of.
The Mono-Genre Theory in short states that all popular music is coalescing into one big genre where influences and styles from country, rap, rock, blues etc. coexist without any true lines defining their differences. At the end of every year when the sales numbers are released by Nielsen Soundscan, it usually reveals evidence of this mono-genre coagulation. 2012 was no different.
Country superstar Luke Bryan will replace Reba McIntire as the female co-host of the 48th Anuual Academy of Country Music Awards to be broadcast April 7th on CBS from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. The announcement was made when fans “unlocked” Luke Bryan’s name as part of a Twitter campaign by the ACM’s to rack up 25,000 tweets.
If you had any doubt in your mind–if the positively awful, both misogynistic and metrosexually-stimulated songs from Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan hadn’t clued you in already–then this should leave no doubt in your mind that these two knuckleheads don’t just fit the term “douchebag,” they define it. The tattoo design is for a company that they both share an endorsement deal with.
Last night the 2012 American Country Awards transpired on Fox, with Luke Bryan coming out as the big winner. The Georgia native walked away with an unprecedented 9 awards. How did the country singer rack up so many trophies? By giving a new meaning to the term “crossover appeal,” taking awards in both male and female categories, including the coveted Female Artist of the Year, and Female Single of the Year for the song, “I Don’t Want This Night To End.”
Somewhere in the last year or so, country music crossed that line from being the last bastion for respect of beautiful women in American popular culture, to hanging out in the gutter with the rest of the vermin, making videos of venereal-infused floozies dry humping flashy vehicles in the classic vein of tasteless, materialistic, shallow-minded rap imagery.
Bucky Covington, Country Girl (Shake It For Me), Dolly Parton, Drinking Side of Country, Dustin Lynch, Loretta Lynn, Luke Bryan, Miranda Lambert, Patsy Cline, She Cranks My Tractor, Shooter Jennings, Tammy Wynette, Taylor Swift, The Carter Family
Just when you thought you’d seen it all, a feminine products company out of North Carolina called “Ocean Breeze” announced Thursday they are launching a new line of products pandering to the country world. Yes, country music is officially going….there. “This ain’t your grandmother’s douche, so to speak. Put the fiddles, steel guitars, vinegar and water mixes, and bulky, awkward applicators away.”
Pop country’s official pretty boy Luke Bryan got caught red handed Tuesday night (7-10-12) at the Major League All-Star Game gaining advantage from a substance applied on his hand like Gaylord Perry dressing a spitball. Yes, Luke Bryan couldn’t be bothered to actually memorize the words to our National Anthem.
It’s pretty simple,” explains CMT spokesperson Harold Frankenfurter. “You can’t have a ‘Male Video of the Year’ winner who is in fact of the opposite gender. We want to be very respectful of Luke Bryan’s sexual persuasion and life choices, but we do feel it is unfair to the other nominees to give him the award with ‘Male’ in the title when he is in fact a woman.”
Did you ever wonder what it would sound like if a performing artist with absolutely no qualms or reservations spread their arms wide in a succumbing posture and completely forfeited their Will to a record label saying, “Okay Music Row, do your worst! We’ll that is exactly what you get with Luke Bryan and his gawd awful album Tailgates and Tanlines.
My overall grade of the 2011 CMA Awards would be “not terrible.” Jason Aldean could have swept the awards, and ushered in a new era in country music where a country rap song was the reigning Song of the Year. But Taylor’s Entertainer of the Year victory at least means that at least a little authenticity is still alive in the “country” genre. Or at least for another year.
2011, Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Brantley Gilbert, CMA Awards, Colt Ford, Eric Church, Hank Williams, Jason Aldean, Jr., Justin Bieber, Lady Antebellum, Lionel Ritchie, Little Jimmy Dickens, Luke Bryan, Martina McBride, Miranda Lambert, Scotty McCreery, Sugarland, Taylor Swift, The Band Perry
If you want to listen to a true, creative meld of hip hop and country, go listen to some Beck or some Paul’s Boutique-era Beastie Boys. But this Colt Ford stuff is garbage, despite a few catchy lines, and as far as I’m concerned, lending your name to a Colt Ford project lands you a card carrying membership to the “Colt Ford Collaboration Blacklist”. Here’s the names I’ve amassed so far…
Beastie Boys, Beck, Charlie Daniels, Colt Ford, Eric Church, Gretchen Wilson, Hank Jr., James Otto, Jamey Johnson, Jason Aldean, Josh Thompson, Kevin Fowler, Luke Bryan, Montgomery Gentry, Randy Houser, Rhett Akins, Tim McGraw