Who Are These Dudes? (A questionnaire)
Only one answer is right.
1. The cast from a reboot of the popular 1980s television show Miami Vice.
2. The indicted conspirators in an underage female sex trafficking ring based out of the Dominican Republic.
3. Spokespeople who would like to tell you about the symptoms and dangers of an enlarged prostate.
4. Assholes trying to convince you to put your life savings in their cryptocurrency exchange.
5. Boner pills salesmen.
6. Models for JCPenny’s exciting new line of upcoming spring fashions for 2023.
7. Dudes that are definitely not aware that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
8. The only humans on planet Earth who would ever conceive of buying their wives a Lexus for Christmas with a big red bow on the top, but can’t because their wealth is hypothetical, and tied to embezzlement schemes tax sheltered in hedge fund derivatives.
9. The pricks in front of you on the golf course taking forever and are completely impervious to the idea they they should let you play through.
10. Guys at a club on South Beach trying to convince women they’re high level cocaine dealers as opposed to dopey middle-aged squares from Des Moines in town for a vacuum cleaner convention.
11. The inexplicable five-time reigning Country Music Association Vocal Group of the Year despite 99% of the general public not being able to pick them out of a lineup, let alone being able to name one of their songs. A.k.a., Old Dominion.
Janet
January 6, 2023 @ 9:38 am
Clearly the only correct answer can be #2
Hate these guys
Charlie
January 6, 2023 @ 9:38 am
12. The 5 nominees for Best Supporting Actor for the Mexican Telenovela Awards.
Charlie
January 6, 2023 @ 9:40 am
If not #12, then definitely #2.
Throwback Country
January 6, 2023 @ 9:46 am
If you squint to the point of barely being able to see, you might be able to see Mike and the Moonpies.
Just don’t open your ears.
Barstool Hero
January 6, 2023 @ 9:48 am
They are dressed like they just Saved Country Music. lol
RyanPD
January 6, 2023 @ 9:51 am
I wouldnt leave my drinks unattended around these guys by the looks of ’em.
Jack W
January 6, 2023 @ 9:55 am
Cristopher Cross cover band
RyanPD
January 6, 2023 @ 9:56 am
I can smell the cologne thru my screen.
Strait86
January 6, 2023 @ 10:23 am
Sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover. The guys in the suit jackets are probably the bigger asshats. It sucks that they continue to win vocal group of the year when there are hundreds of other black country acts that we could pander to and give the title.
Trigger
January 6, 2023 @ 10:33 am
I would love for Chapel Hart to be winning the CMA Vocal Group of the Year instead of these dudes, and I don’t even have to pander to say that.
Strait86
January 6, 2023 @ 10:41 am
I’ve heard Chapel Heart and it’s the kind of music for people who WANT to hear Carrie Underwood sing at level 10 the entire song, on every song. on every album.
King Honky Of Crackershire
January 6, 2023 @ 10:43 am
I second that. Chapel Hart, or even Midland.
Trigger
January 6, 2023 @ 10:55 am
Midland should have won once in the last five years. A five-year reign by these guys is ludicrous.
NattyBumpo
January 11, 2023 @ 1:35 pm
I want to hate Midland but I like their sound too much so it prevents me from achieving that goal of hating them like I want to.
Ian
January 7, 2023 @ 2:21 pm
I’ve been collecting records for years and I definitely use the cover to judge the content and have a pretty good success rate.
Music Jedi
January 6, 2023 @ 10:24 am
Very clever idea/article Trigger. I’m laughing out loud.
Janet
January 6, 2023 @ 10:27 am
you’ve got to learn how to go out on a high note. See, you had the crowd at the beginning and by the end of your statement, you lost ’em.
Tony R.
January 6, 2023 @ 10:28 am
Ok…please don’t @ me with this…but I don’t hate these guys. Are they country?? Not really. But I don’t particularly hate their music. It’s more harmless easy listening. I’m not sure they deserve this level of ire.
That being said, they should be giving their CMA awards to Midland!
Strait86
January 6, 2023 @ 10:32 am
Midland is such a massive disappointment. They have a good sound but keep putting out B and C grade songs. Randomly pick any album from the 80’s and 90’s country greats and the entire album is chocked full of good songs. Many of which weren’t 1# radio hits. Drinking Problem and Sunrise Tells the Story don’t measure up to any of George Strait’s number ones. The demo cut of 14 Gears is my favorite of theirs.
Redneck_rainman
January 6, 2023 @ 2:55 pm
I unironically liked “Song For Another Time” and “Make It Sweet” and absolutely loved “Some People Do”, but they’ve been more miss than hit for me. Of course it doesn’t help that their first single was the absolutely despicable “Break Up With Him”
Tony R.
January 6, 2023 @ 10:29 am
And with all due respect, Trig… I think number 2 is a bit of a douchey, d–k thing to say. They don’t deserve that.
Strait86
January 6, 2023 @ 10:38 am
The right thing to do is engage in hive mind think and project our hatred of Andrew Tate onto any more successful better lookin’ white men. Lest we lose focus and realize that Biden flew to the Virgin Islands to fire the AG who was investigating bank ties to Epstein.
RyanPD
January 6, 2023 @ 10:41 am
Bro. Joke. Read it and move on.
Strait86
January 6, 2023 @ 11:09 am
Bro. Mine is a joke too. Un-bunch your panties.
RyanPD
January 6, 2023 @ 11:36 am
What? Lol I didn’t respond to you. Yours is obviously a joke. But Tony up there is the one with bunched panties.
Strait86
January 6, 2023 @ 11:55 am
@RyanPD My bad. The layout makes it hard to tell sometimes
Howard
January 6, 2023 @ 11:55 am
I’m surprised that offended crypto sheep aren’t in here defending their smoke-and-mirrors pseudomoney after reading No. 4.
King Honky Of Crackershire
January 6, 2023 @ 10:32 am
I had to get to 11 to figure it out; well done, Trig.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised about how far removed rural America’s music has gotten from rural America. I suppose it’s because I stopped paying attention decades ago, that a photo like this catches me off guard.
When I initially saw the photo, I assumed you had written an article about a few C(c)ountry songs being included on the soundtrack of a new TV show about cops in a beach city, like Miami Vice, and that this is the cast of the show.
What a pack of dorks. I’ll bet you Karen From The Cul-de-sac digs em though, and that’s what matters to the moneychangers.
Ian
January 7, 2023 @ 2:30 pm
Lol “rural America’s music”! Isn’t the song “honky tonkin” about going to the city and getting blasted with someone else’s wife? Also, lest we forget, Harlan Howard probably the greatest country songwriter of all time is from where? This music has been blended with contributions from both rural and urban centers the entire time. Country music is just as relevant in a shipyard as it is on a hog farm. Even the father of country music Jimmie Rodgers collaborated with a wide variety of people, from the Carter family to Louis Armstrong to native Hawaiians. Of course you know all this obviously.
Jake Cutter
January 6, 2023 @ 11:10 am
12. System of a Down Syndrome
Too much?
Taylor 💜
January 6, 2023 @ 11:11 am
Matthew Ramsey and four no-namers.
Alex Roy
January 6, 2023 @ 11:13 am
Middle dude is an alternate-timeline Brett Eldredge who’s a washed-up wannabe lothario douche. Guy on the right is someone you’re sure you recognize, can’t for the life of you place, but know you’re supposed to hate him. Or maybe that’s just me.
Travis
January 6, 2023 @ 11:14 am
Ha! I’ve heard the name but had absolutely no clue who made up the band and what they looked like. I just did a quick search wondering if Trig just picked a funny picture, but they’re pretty much all on this level of looking like stock images of men you would see in a boner pill or prostate ad/commercial. Trig was dead on with those options.
Di Harris
January 6, 2023 @ 12:05 pm
Speaking of music, and not to “derail” this comments section – does anyone have an opinion on Tab Benoit?
He will be in the area, later Feb.
Gut feeling is he’s probably worth the price of the ticket, and the time
Corncaster
January 6, 2023 @ 2:17 pm
Di, definitely go. Great band, great player, great singer, and he did stand up comedy for a while. Totally entertaining.
Di Harris
January 6, 2023 @ 2:43 pm
Thank You, Corncaster & Trevistrat!
Going to the show Feb. 21st, & then – hoping to catch him, March 11th, in New Orleans.
Been itching for a trip.
This sounds perfect
trevistrat
January 6, 2023 @ 2:25 pm
Yes, go. I saw him 10 years ago at the late, lamented Handlebar in Greenville, SC and it was one of the best blues shows I have seen.
Jbird
January 6, 2023 @ 8:41 pm
RIP Handlebar
J Brick
January 6, 2023 @ 12:21 pm
It’s always useful to share management with Chesney. I loved their second album but the last two have been very blah. Trevor and Brad have written some top songs for other acts (Trevor wrote Better Dig Two, for instance), but they’re in a rut. I hope the crypto crash isn’t too unkind to them(!)
Di Harris
January 6, 2023 @ 1:56 pm
Oh, Yeah … So going to get a ticket to see Tab Benoit.
Tyron Benoit https://youtu.be/4D3F3ohtqho
Tab Benoit https://youtu.be/bQw9zvko-oI
BreakUpWithThem
January 6, 2023 @ 3:35 pm
Douches that would write “lyrically self-aware and effortlessly melodic stunning [LP]” in their Spotify profile.
Euro South
January 6, 2023 @ 4:15 pm
Ok, so that’s what those guys look like. I thought there were some females in that venture. Or is that Little Big Town?
Lester Roadhog Moran
January 6, 2023 @ 5:28 pm
12. A very poor imitation of Lester “Roadhog” Moran and his Cadillac Cowboys, presented by WEAK radio and Burfords Barber Shop.
Nadia Lockheart
January 6, 2023 @ 7:38 pm
They haven’t even been particularly relevant on the radio over these past couple of years, and that was the one metric that was keeping them a commercial mainstay.
After getting their biggest hit to date with “One Man Band” in 2019-2020, nothing has come close to their reign of radio dominance prior to that. They’ve released four singles since then and of them, only one was able to scrape the Top Ten but barely (“I Was On A Boat That Day”) while a fifth collaborative single with Kenny Chesney is struggling climbing the chart as well.
BDE
January 7, 2023 @ 8:00 am
Good. Chesney took a lively drinking song and made it lifeless sounding. Then he got Old Dominion on it to further rob any energy from it.
Di Harris
January 6, 2023 @ 8:28 pm
We both get in there & kick up the dust, but know above all, that i love you & wish the Very Best for you and your family.
Bear
January 6, 2023 @ 11:53 pm
That photo smells like WAY too much Axe Body spray. Also it looks like they might be bringing Zima back since 90s country is hip again. One can only hope not.
WuK
January 7, 2023 @ 8:32 am
I don’t think they are that bad but not that country. I was disappointed they again won group of the year. It was Midland I hoped would win. I wanted a country group to win.
Country Charley Crockett's Butter
January 7, 2023 @ 8:44 am
Johnny Wasabi and the Sushi Boyz
Trashville
January 7, 2023 @ 9:55 am
Saw these guys at the Basement and another smaller venue and they put on a great show, They were nice as could be on both occasions. Most importantly, they treated the no name acts on the bill like they belonged there.
Kj
January 8, 2023 @ 7:33 pm
Great guys, making great music.
Banjo King
January 9, 2023 @ 12:28 pm
I know you’re just poking fun, but implying that they could be sex traffickers seems really out of place and unnecessary. I don’t like their music either but they don’t deserve that. I think you went a little far there, Trig. And I know you’re not saying they are, but still. It seems inappropriate to me.
Kevin Mayfield
January 9, 2023 @ 2:22 pm
I actually think Old Dominion has some pretty catchy pop songs. I like some of the wordplays in “Hotel Key,” for example, and as a frivolous little pop track it is pretty solid.
Not Country, by any means, mind you.
Dee Manning
January 9, 2023 @ 5:56 pm
1. That was fucking hilarious.
2. Don Johnson on Miami Vice was the huge celebrity crush of my youth and is still hotter at age 73 than any of these guys so that comparison is uncalled for, sir!
R. Miller
January 13, 2023 @ 1:27 pm
Grand Theft American Aquarium?