Giving The Band Perry’s New Single “Live Forever” Its Deserved Kick to the Nuts

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Goodness, can we just kill off mainstream country music with one final shotgun blast to the noggin instead of watching this long, suffering, painful smothering at the hands of the proprietors of pop who have positively no idea what country music is supposed to be, and are willing to slowly strew its disemboweled innards all across the public sidewalks in victory? Don’t these bastards have any compassion?

Friday morning (8-14), The Band Perry unveiled their new single “Live Forever” from their third upcoming album to a crowd full of shills who were handed signs made by a marketing agency, and acted super excited to see the performance for a song they’d never heard before in their lives.

And indulge me for a second, but what the hell is up with these morning news shows becoming a puppet for pop country all of a sudden? “40-something dead, over 700 injured in a massive industrial blast in China, oh but hey, let’s break away from that to show some mid-level band dressed in Dollar General colors gesticulating to a backing track in the middle of Central Park!”

Yes, seems like a worthy appropriation of valuable media attention and public works, no?

And when an artist is going to perform on one of these dumb morning shows, you can almost guarantee it’s going to be pre-recorded. The other day I saw one of these things for Scotty McCreery who is sporting his own sellout single these days called “Southern Belle.” “This is probably about as far left as we’ll go,” Scotty said, with “probably” being the optimum word there, as if Scotty was some traditionalist to begin with. Of course when Scotty came out on stage there were sounds emanating from the speakers not being accounted for by human activity, including a banjo in the mix when there wasn’t even a banjo on stage. They don’t even try any more to camouflage the ruse because they know the only people who watch this crap are gullible enough to believe anything. The puppetmasters at America’s major labels want everything perfect for these debut performances, so it’s guarantee you’re not going to get it live.

Don’t these morning shows have a pie recipe to unveil or something? Thank Jeebus I normally don’t wake up before 9 a.m. because this major network morning show crap sends me into an immediate and seismic fetal-position-inducing culture shock from the abomination of Western civilization they display.

But I digress.

We can’t be too appalled this is the direction The Band Perry has chosen. They’ve always been way more pop than country (and enjoyed performing to a backing tracks). This is their big moment to replace Taylor Swift as country’s top pop draw as part of the long-term diabolical scheme of the country music Antichrist, Scott Borchetta. Swift didn’t deliver Borchetta the three country pop singles he requested from her last record, so get The Band Perry to fill the void apparently.

“Live Forever” is perfect for a mindless pop crowd who wants to be told when to throw their hands up, when and what to shout during the chorus, and how to act to fit in with everybody else and be cool. “You and I, we’re staying young! We’re gonna live forever!” says the song. Well shit, who doesn’t like that message? The Band Perry have discovered the goddamn Fountain of Youth by golly. Ponce de León, eat your ever-loving conquistador heart out.

The track was co-produced by some asshole named RedOne who previously worked with Pitbull and Niki Minaj, and is yet another one of these Swedish-based pop producers in the same vein as Max Martin, Shellback, and Axident, who have moved in to exploit American country music for top returns. It’s the cultural version of the IKEA invasion basically—cheap crap that looks fancy on the surface, but falls apart under even the slightest bit of careful scrutiny.

Anyway, this song sucks, and so does The Band Perry for releasing it. And the decision to spend hours and hours choreographing stage moves instead of rehearsing the actual song so they could perform it live is an insult to the music performance medium.

This whole thing should be scrubbed from concious human thought and never be spoken of again. And seriously, unless you’re working at the Dollar General or Waffle House, don’t sport primary yellow like this. It just looks cheap, even when your new logo is a diamond with tits on the top.

Two guns down.