Rick Perry? Freaking HUGE Country Rap Fan.

rick-perry

Who knew?

We knew you pretty much had to be unemployed and under indictment to be a country rap fan (which the former Texas governor is), but I also thought you had to be at least 266 lbs. Apparently there’s hope for us all.

At Gov. Rick Perry’s formal announcement that he will be seeking the Republican nomination for a 2016 Presidential bid, he debuted a new customized version of the Colt Ford country rap song featuring some loser named J.J. Lawhorn called “Answer to No One.” Some of the lines were changed to specifically cater to the Rick Perry campaign, which probably means we’ll be hearing this thing blaring over the poor-quality PA speakers of stump speeches and whistle stops for several months before Rick Perry is finished spending $7.5 million to place 4th in Iowa.

“Rick Perry supporter, let’s protect our border. To hell with anyone who don’t believe in the USA, Rick Perry all the way,” says the dumb song.

As someone who’d rather shit a knife than hear someone mix politics and music, somehow these lyrics actually seem like an improvement over the original.

Because music needs to evolve, man. So don’t be so uptight. You know, country music can’t all sound like Johnny Cash forever. That Lee Greenwood song has been worn out, and I’m pretty sure Neil Diamond’s “Coming to America” is actually a pro illegal immigration song, so screw that commie crap.

Perhaps Rick Perry should hire country rapper Mikel Knight’s Street Teams to disseminate political flyers. I hear they really get the job done.

Politicians, just like athletes, make terrible music fans. Their lives are too specialized to be able to really understand what the hell is going on. And anyone politically-connected enough to be hired on as a music consultant for a political campaign is going to be suffering from the same fate.

But it all proves what Saving Country Music has been saying since March: Country music is going to be a big factor in the upcoming presidential election. Ted Cruz, right after announcing his formal bid, came out saying he was a big country music fan, and became one after 9/11 because of the reaction of country to the event compared to rock. This is all due to the rising popularity of country.

And before you go thinking Saving Country Music is showing some political bias for razzing on Rick Perry, appreciate that a Hillary Clinton PAC has already released a specialized political campaign country song as well, and it sucks just as bad.

But what sucks even more is being a country music fan who’s going to have to sustain a strong and steady diet of country songs being co-opted for political purposes for months to come. If I have any dog in the race, it’s to keep country out of the political fray.

May the worst song lose.