Warning: Some Language
So Jake Owen is still a thing, huh? I thought he’d be managing a Chipotle in Murfreesboro at this point. But the summer drunk song season is here, and so the perennially tan one is back to drop another deuce—this time doing the immortal Willie Nelson and one of his most iconic songs dirty.
Reminiscent of the time Jake Owen fucked up John Cougar Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane” back in 2018, Owen proves once again that all of those ultraviolet suntan treatments have eradicated any original thoughts from his melon, and he’s resigned to foraging through previous songs for ideas. This time he’s reworked “On The Road Again” into the mindless and indolent “On The Boat Again.” You can probably guess how this goes.
If there was ever a song that deserves to be infested by zebra mussels and red tagged by the game warden, it would be this one. Somebody should tie cinder blocks to this song’s ankles and drop it in the deep water where they can’t dredge.
Sure, not every song has to be “Cover Me Up.” There’s space for silly and simple summer songs. But don’t make me shed IQ points while listening like your lush cousin does her clothing articles after each hard seltzer until she’s flashing her headlights at all the crotchety bass fishers in the reeds, and the beaver’s spotted near the dam.
It’s just nauseating how everything in culture these days is recycled from something that was cool in the past. And what’s up with the dumbass farty drunk guitar that has to accompany all of these kinds of songs? The producer Joey Moi needs to go back to jerking off Nickelback. And of course, it took not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE people to write this monstrosity, which includes giving Willie a credit.
Oh, and if you don’t like this new song from Jake Owen, maybe check out his other new song. It’s called “Hot Truck Beer.” I’m not kidding, that’s the name.
Look, to be honest, if “On The Boat Again” ends up being one of the worst songs released in 2023, we’re coming out ahead. At least there’s no wiggy thumps or white boy rapping, which would have accompanied a song like this a few years ago. Just as much as the ceiling has been raised for a lot of mainstream country, so has the floor. This song is less vomit-inducing as it is just kind of dumb, so you can understand it’s appeal to a bunch of drunk rednecks on a pontoon.
If you want want a silly summer country song that doesn’t make you feel like a complete douche rocket, handle up on “Herassmeant” by Hot Country Knights (Dierks Bentley) and Donna McFarland (Lainey Wilson). You can be fun, silly, and not be utterly stupid, unless you’re Jake Owen apparently.
Two Guns Down (2/10)