The Worst “Country” Songs of 2019
One sign that mainstream country music continues to improve is the decrease in “country” songs that were worthy of rants in 2019 compared to previous years. As the Bro-Country era continues to wane, and artists like Luke Combs dominate the airwaves, it’s offering a much more healthier alternative to the public. “Boyfriend Country” in the form of artists like Dan + Shay and Kane Brown is still pretty bad, but not objectionably offensive like some of the singles from previous years.
However there were a few exceptions in 2019, and songs worthy of taking out back to the woodshed. And don’t whine, “Hey, why don’t you focus on the good stuff instead ?!?” Heed your own advice and peep Saving Country Music’s Song of the Year Nominees if you want something better. But for now, it’s time to offer our full-throated opposition to these monstrosities misappropriated as “country” music.
Jason Aldean – “We Back”
He back, and as stove-headed as ever. Jason Aldean recently took time away from volunteering his head as a battering ram for the Southern Georgia Special Tactical Infiltration Unit to cut the songs for his new record lazily entitled ‘9.’ Hopefully like a feline’s lives, this will be Jason Aldean’s last. But for now, he’s making us suffer through this terrible single, “We Back.” If you think your IQ just dropped simply from staring at the title, wait until you hear this sucker.
If it was the early 90s, and Jason Aldean was opening for AC/DC or a born again Ozzy Osbourne, perhaps this mess would fly. But this is 2019, and supposed to be country music. Where is the Prince of Darkness to bite the head off a Jason Aldean when you need him? Chainsaw guitar chucks and Hells Bells minor chords introduce a song that is just another fist-pumping arena rock anthem about performing yet another fist-pumping arena rock anthem, which has become Aldean’s specialty, or crutch. This guy is stuck in a deeper rut than an F-250 wearing street tires trying to streak across a field of Texas black gumbo newly-tilled topsoil after four inches of fresh rain.
This isn’t music for people who like music. It’s for people who want their entertainers to affirm their lifestyle. (read review)
Zac Brown Band – “God Given”
Oh God this sucks. At this point you can’t even look away. Like coming up on some grisly roadside accident, you know it’s going to be grotesque, horrific, and mentally scarring for the rest of your life. But even as you cover your face, the index finger raises ever so slightly, and you sneak a peek. And yes, it’s as bad as you expected, except now it’s so damn bad, it cycles back around to imparting a belly full of inadvertent mirth from just how bad it is.
“God Given” makes reference to Gucci Bags, Veyron whips (huh?), and other stuff most God-fearing country music fans have to consult Mr. Google to decipher. The chorus goes, “Gucci bag, stacks on stacks, diamonds fill up the champagne glass, Veyron whip, G5 high, you have class that you just can’t buy.” Oh but then Zac Brown devolves into downright white boy rapping. At that point the whole thing goes beyond any criticism, and you just feel bad for of this poor guy’s all-enveloping and downward-spiraling midlife crisis.
Zac Brown. Buddy! You’ve got one of the best live bands in the game, and garnered a big grassroots following over the years. Look in the mirror, cry it out, come to Papa, and just STOP.
Brantley Gilbert (ft. Willie and Lukas Nelson) – “Welcome To Hazeville”
Brantley Gilbert tries to ride the dying embers of the marijuana craze and the legitimacy of the Nelson name to renewed attention by releasing this refer ode full of indolent lyrics vomited over an obnoxious and hyperactive electronic beat. The unforgivable dumbfuckery contained in “Welcome To Hazeville” makes one palpably feel your IQ points tick down simply by being in its presence, and no, not from any contact high.
Brantley Gilbert is now in his mid 30’s, but still sporting the unbridled braggadocios machismo of a 15-year-old boy whose balls have just dropped and who just received his first hand job. Time hasn’t just passed Brantley Gilbert over, so have all the wisdom-inducing attributes of adulthood. If you want to advocate for the normalization of marijuana use, making an imbecilic stoner song that reinforces that smoking pot is nothing more than a stultifying activity of the great American meat head is not the way to go.
And you’ve gotta love that one of the themes of “Welcome to Hazeville” is “Hangin’ out with Willie,” when all Nelson was willing to contribute to the stupid song was three words lasting 1.21 seconds stuck on the very end. Willie Nelson has no idea who the fuck Brantley Gilbert is, but sure he’ll take 1/4 of the performance royalties for doing virtually nothing, dumbass.
It’s not 1996 anymore, and your stupid pot songs are about as relevant as Brantley Gilbert’s Tapout attire. They’re not edgy and hip, they’re conformist and tired. Soon marijuana will be legal everywhere, and along with alleviating the unjust incarceration of people for the possession of a plant, hopefully it also ushers in the cessation of these shitty pot songs. (read review)
Sam Hunt – “Kinfolks”
Like a persistent venereal rash you think you’ve finally licked, only to experience a severe flare up right before you’re headed out on a hot date, here comes Sam Hunt and a new song screwing up the rally we’ve been enjoying in mainstream country lately. It’s been a glorious five year reprieve after this college football flunkee turned country music EDM mumble rapper lost interest in his own music faster than his bubblegum fans did, and stopped releasing new songs aside from the failed single “Downtown’s Dead” from 2018.
The premise for this song is a mess. A piece of free advice: if you do end up going back to the hometown of a suitor and want to impress your future in-laws, for the love of God, whatever you do, never, and I mean never, admit to them that you listen to Sam Hunt. He’s the face tattoo and felony conviction of music. (read review)
Blake Shelton – “Hell Right”
With the release of “Hell Right,” the entirety of Blake Shelton’s career just devolved quicker than a political discussion with your drunk and racist uncle at Thanksgiving dinner. With this song, BS has now racked up such a monumental deficit of ill will with actual country music fans, he’d have to play Hank Williams covers exclusively until 2028 to pay his debts to country music society, and even then his name will still be tantamount to a swear word to many in the country music community into eternity.
For making this “Hell Right” atrocity, I hope Blake Shelton’s penis falls off. Hearing this song played anywhere within my general vicinity makes me want to revitalize the Faces of Death movie franchise by drinking a lug of Drano as opposed to being exposed to even a fraction of a second more of this audio monstrosity. (read review)
Mitchell “Bitches” Tenpenny – “Alcohol You Later”
This fat asshole should have his right to use the English language revoked for employing such a terrible pun. It’s songs like “Alcohol You Later” and meat heads like Mitchell “Bitches” Tenpenny (nicknamed for his horrible and misogynistic song “Bitches”) that have folks hating on anything associated with country music as indolent and backwards. In the case of this song, that assessment is completely justified. The only redeeming quality of “Alcohol You Later” is the fact that it flunked on the charts, not even cracking the Top 40 despite many touting Mr. Bitches as country music’s next hot thing. Hopefully his career is the next thing to tank. Mitchell “Bitches” Tenpenny gives off more rapey vibes than a Miami University football player. This song deserves to go straight to voicemail, and the number permanently blocked.
- Luke Bryan – “Knockin’ Boots.” A terrible song for sure, but sadly, just par for the course from country music’s Gomer Pyle.
- Brantley Gilbert – “Fire’t Up.” More blowhard machismo from Brantley. His performance of the song on Monday Night Football was so bad, they quite literally canceled this year’s halftime performances afterwards.
- Dustin Lynch – “Ridin’ Roads.” Lynch once again outdoes himself in his never-ending quest of selling out every last vestige of his self-respect.
- Maren Morris – “Flavor.” Maren Morris boasts of her creative alacrity and ingenuity in this song, saying in part, “If it ain’t familiar, it’s ’cause you ain’t had it yet.” Yet the underlying takeaway from her new album GIRL is its raging familiarity in the way it leans on pop tropes, safe composition, and simple melodies to garner its appeal. This song tastes bland.
- Thomas Rhett – “Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time” and “VHS.” Rhett songs like “Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time” symbolize the worst appropriations of vapid dance pop ever perpetrated in the country genre. “VHS” is so laughably bad, Beck is probably kicking himself for not thinking of this oversexed tripe when he recorded Midnite Vultures mocking the stupidity of this shallow version of R&B music.
- Zac Brown – “Swayze.” The only reason this thing doesn’t make the top of the list is due to the fact that it officially wasn’t released as a “country” song, and despite the millions who’ve been trolled by it, it’s not meant to be taken seriously. The recent video for the song proves it. Nonetheless, it’s as bad as advertised.
- …and many more.
December 15, 2019 @ 12:37 pm
“Like a persistent venereal rash you think you’ve finally licked”
Oh God no.
December 16, 2019 @ 9:50 am
I haven’t heard one as bad as the riding my horse down old Town road one! The lyrics stink and it felt like a song that got pushed on us.
December 17, 2019 @ 8:27 am
I’m an admirer of Trigger’s way with words, but geez, that one. Wasn’t sure about “I hope Blake Shelton’s penis falls off” either. Obviously, when “country” songs are this bad it’s not the time elegant prose.
December 15, 2019 @ 12:47 pm
Oh boy. You’ve probably triggered at least 5 different legions of aging soccer moms with this one.
North Woods Country
December 15, 2019 @ 12:58 pm
I think I agree with you on about 98% of your rants and the artists whose music you despise, but every now and then I think a terrible sin carries weight into later songs from the same artist that just aren’t that offensive. As awful as “Bitches” was, “Drunk Me” was flat out catchy and “Alcohol You Later,” while a terrible pun, isn’t overly offensive. I find the We Backs and Zac Brown songs so much more intolerable.
Was Maren Morris’s “Rich” on the 2018 list? Most annoying song since “Stuck Like Glue.”
“Ridin’ Roads” is almost a new low for Dustin Lynch. It can’t get worse than “Seein’ Red,” can it?
I have not heard “Flavor” by Maren Morris, but when out with friends recently, we discussed Maren Morris, and how she might be the artist in mainstream country right whose creative output doesn’t even approach her talent level.
Brantley Gilbert and his Sons of Anarchy cast-off image need to go away already. Disappear for a year, Brantley, and come back dressed like a grown man, not like some poser asshole that gets his ass buried in the backyard of his girlfriend’s parents’s place.
December 16, 2019 @ 12:42 am
”…..Maren Morris, and how she might be the artist in mainstream ”stream country right whose creative output doesn’t even approach her talent level.”
this absolutely sums up MM …..she could be SO MUCH better if she found better material….country or otherwise . a waste …
December 15, 2019 @ 1:12 pm
Trigger, your writing — unlike these songs — made me smile.
December 15, 2019 @ 1:15 pm
The pile of shit award for worst “country” song goes to…
…australian singer Tyran & his masterpiece (well…) “Bang Bang”.
December 15, 2019 @ 2:04 pm
By the way, a “grisly” roadside accident is only “grizzly” if a large brown bear is involved. You’re welcome!
Other than my nitpicking, I’m glad you’re calling out what passes for “country” music these days.
I gave up on mainstream FM radio “country” more than twenty years ago. I don’t know any of the names you’ve mentioned in your article. As far as I’m concerned, Country Music is finished. It was fun while it lasted!
Unless there’s some sort of rebellion like the 1970’s Outlaw Movement or NeoTraditionalists on the horizon, you can pretty much count me out as a consumer of today’s “Nashville Product.”
December 15, 2019 @ 2:08 pm
Ok, so you don’t like country music. I have a suggestion for you, don’t listen to it!
December 15, 2019 @ 3:25 pm
These songs aren’t country, though. They’re just marketed as country.
Can’t imagine George Strait singing any of these songs.
December 15, 2019 @ 3:46 pm
I have a suggestion for you. Get educated as to what actual country music is. SPOILER: These songs aren’t it.
December 15, 2019 @ 8:14 pm
Well the country music of the 1990’s was not country according to 60’s and 70’s country music standards. However I agree that these songs are horrible
December 15, 2019 @ 5:26 pm
Every. Damn. Time.
They show up like flies to shit.
December 16, 2019 @ 1:13 am
1/10 troll. Poor effort.
December 17, 2019 @ 10:13 pm
Oh great. The soccer moms are here. News flash, Colleen. These songs aren’t country.
December 18, 2019 @ 12:13 pm
I remember my first time on this site
December 15, 2019 @ 2:22 pm
Gee, yet Jason Aldean is still selling out his concerts & more. He is the only artist I disagree with in your list.
December 15, 2019 @ 2:43 pm
Just because he’s selling out concerts & more doesn’t excuse the fact that his recent album is atrocious.
December 15, 2019 @ 4:01 pm
Your a moron
December 15, 2019 @ 5:44 pm
December 15, 2019 @ 7:33 pm
“Your” a moron.
December 16, 2019 @ 1:43 am
I disagree there’s some great songs on this album
December 15, 2019 @ 3:21 pm
So are Coldplay. Doesn’t make them country.
December 15, 2019 @ 3:46 pm
That’s because he relies on garbagemen who crash dirt bikes into brick walls in their spare time and sexually aggressive soccer moms who are going through a midlife crisis and suddenly want to be called cowgirls to sell his shows.
December 15, 2019 @ 9:10 pm
McDonald’s sells millions of hamburgers every day.
In no way does that imply it’s good food.
December 17, 2019 @ 12:44 am
I would suggest visiting Ticketmaster.com and taking a look at what tickets are available at these so called “sold out” concerts. Aldeans career is on the downswing and some of these arenas have TONS of tickets available for shows in as little as 7 weeks away.
December 15, 2019 @ 2:41 pm
It’s so damn funny reading your hate filled posts quite possibly the funniest thing I read when I stumble across them.
Definitely the largest teasers over country music.
December 15, 2019 @ 4:02 pm
The ghost of Ernest Tubb will find you and he WILL burn all your record collection and replace it with ‘Waylon Jennings Greatest Hits’, ‘Willie Nelson Red Headed Stranger’, ‘Hank Williams 40 Greatest Hits’ And ‘Ernest Tubb The Definitive Collection’. Oh and a word of warning, Ernest’s ghost has been known to go on drunken rampages, so if you go talking smack about TRUE country fans and/or the Ernest Tubb Record Shop costumer population, you better start digging your own grave, boy.
December 15, 2019 @ 2:50 pm
Selling out concerts doesn’t mean an artist doesn’t suck. It just means they’re popular.
Popularity doesn’t equal quality.
December 15, 2019 @ 6:11 pm
Not sure who you’re talking about….but, in this case it applies to all.
December 15, 2019 @ 7:35 pm
Reply fail. Was replying to Cindy’s nonsensical comment above equating quality with popularity.
December 15, 2019 @ 7:52 pm
Reply fail. Replying to Cindy’s nonsensical comment above equating quality with popularity.
December 15, 2019 @ 3:04 pm
I cannot tell you how much I love this article! Much needed commentary on today’s “hick hop” music. Hank never would have done it this way…lol. So many douchebag artists out there that it’s not even funny… Gilbert, Church, Aldean, Bryan, etc. Great content, but it’s sad that country music is dead….at least mainstream.
December 15, 2019 @ 3:14 pm
Fun fact – when I first heard Shania Twain in the UK in the late ’90s, I had no idea she was meant to be a country singer. I thought she was just another pop diva. Make of that what you will, but compared to Maren Morris, she’s practically Loretta Lynn.
December 16, 2019 @ 1:19 pm
Ha! You made me spit out my coffee. Well said.
December 15, 2019 @ 4:04 pm
We should probably vote on this too but I don’t want to have to listen to any of these in order to make a sound decision.
December 15, 2019 @ 4:55 pm
Seriously though, all of these songs are good…for a laugh.
December 15, 2019 @ 4:56 pm
No “Old Town Road”, Trigger? I’m guessing the song and Mr. X are already a footnote in country history, but thought you might give your readers one last reminder/warning.
December 15, 2019 @ 5:04 pm
1) I don’t consider it a country song, so it doesn’t qualify here, sort of like Zac Brown’s “Swayze.” And note, Billboard also does not consider it a country song, even by their extremely loose qualifications.
2) Any criticism of “Old Town Road” is immediately read as racism with no other possible conclusion no matter what the opinion holder says. No reason to ruin the good time here with that nonsense.
December 15, 2019 @ 5:19 pm
“No one can possibly write a song with worse lyrics than Old Town Road….”
Zac Brown: “Hold my beer.”
December 15, 2019 @ 6:53 pm
Sam Hunt is not country
December 15, 2019 @ 7:01 pm
Trigger , you don’t get paid enough to listen to these songs.
December 15, 2019 @ 7:26 pm
Americana red dirt. Get back to our roots.
December 15, 2019 @ 8:10 pm
“Someone Committed Murder On Music Row”
“Who’s Gonna Fill Their Shoes”
I can say one thing, it ain’t the so called country singers today. I stopped listening to what was supposed to be county a long time ago. I tried to watch a CMA awards show a few years back and endured about 15 minutes of it and turned the TV off. Thank God fo bluegrass.
December 15, 2019 @ 8:25 pm
I’m here laughing at yall comments. Like why are you listening to this stuff if you dont like it? There is some of us that do like it. Like get a life and let go of this. Your bitching on this page is no one any good. Some of my favorite songs are Ridin Roads and Kinfolks .
Lil’ D.L.’s Honk
December 15, 2019 @ 9:26 pm
I agree with ya man. This is America! That means you have every right to have a pitiful taste in music like you claim to
December 18, 2019 @ 12:20 pm
If you don’t like this article then why are you commenting on it? Same concept.
December 15, 2019 @ 8:37 pm
I’m surprised Blake Shelton’s stupid ” Chew Tobacco, Chew Tobacco, Chew Tobacco, Spit song did not make the list.
December 15, 2019 @ 8:49 pm
Oh that got it’s due in 2013 when it was released.
December 15, 2019 @ 8:50 pm
It’s crap music that’s coming out of Nashville now crap stands for country rap
December 15, 2019 @ 8:54 pm
It’s not country music anymore it’s rock and pop music
December 15, 2019 @ 8:55 pm
So over this “today’s country music isn’t country music and it sucks” mantra. All of these complaints and articles must be written by 20 year olds. Do you have any idea what they said about Garth Brooks, Conway Twitty, Willie Nelson, Dixie Chicks, etc, etc, etc? “THIS ISN’T REAL COUNTRY MUSIC!” You people have no idea and no clue about the history of country music. Like all forms of music, things are evolving and changing. The genre doesn’t seem to matter….they all change. If you don’t like it then don’t listen to it and pull out your 8tracks of Barbara Mandrell and go to town! I for one am probably older than all of you (58 years young here) and I absolutely love the new stuff. Brett Eldredge, Joe Nichols, Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, Dallas Smith, Luke Combs….I mean come on!
December 15, 2019 @ 9:41 pm
You’re 58 and like Luke Bryan and I’m 14 and listen to Waylon
December 16, 2019 @ 1:01 pm
Out of the mouths of babes. You are wise beyond your years, sir.
Wilson Pick It
December 15, 2019 @ 9:46 pm
So you liked We Back and Swayze? Good for you.
Keepin it Country
December 15, 2019 @ 10:23 pm
I’m 18 and listen to anything from Hank Senior to Cody Jinks. And from this I know one thing for sure Country has evolved but never into another genere. Sure it goes through “pop” sounding cycles but it always circles back. Another thing is it’s not evolution if it’s just another genere. Look at rock for example. It got more and more pop and POOF it’s gone. NEW DECADE, AND REAL COUNTRYS COMIN BACK BABY. TIME TO GET THE PARDI STARTED!!!!
December 16, 2019 @ 10:09 am
If you’re tired of “today’s country music isn’t country music and it sucks” mantra, then I honestly have to wonder why you read the articles on this site. Invoking Barbara Mandrell is a clue that you don’t really have an understanding of what real country music is. She had some great COUNTRY songs, but her best work was more pop or blues. And as for those other artist you mentioned, yes, some of their work was called “not real country” because it wasn’t, but like Mandrell, they are celebrated by traditional country fans for the work they’ve done that IS real country.
And honestly, the biggest problem with the songs on THIS list isn’t even that they’re not “real country,” it’s that they SUCK in any genre.
December 16, 2019 @ 10:42 am
”And honestly, the biggest problem with the songs on THIS list isn’t even that they’re not “real country,” it’s that they SUCK in any genre.”
I have to agree and I can’t tell you how often I come to this conclusion in a week .Wow ! I LOVE music ..all kinds …classic country , pop , radio , indie …whatever , ……and its just so frustrating wading through most contemporary stuff and being disappointed by the dearth of listenable songs. so much focus on trend in terms f sonics , ‘ beats’ fake sounds , autotuning …all to hide the fact theat there is no song behind that smoke and mirrors facade . There are no smokey robinsons, no paul overstreets , don gibsons or jimmy webbs ,no ‘song-first’ powers -that- be in the biz , it seems . a new piece of music just has to be passable …., then its all dressed up to SOUND like far more than it actually is . the golden era of songwriting has long sine passed , it would seem . there is no acknowledgement of , no demand for and possibly no understanding of the importance of timelessness inherent in a GREAT , well-written , well crafted song .
December 16, 2019 @ 10:48 am
Yup. All the proof you need is in Taylor Swift winning all these “artist of the decade” awards. It’s all about the production these days – not the song, and certainly not the voice.
December 16, 2019 @ 11:04 am
we had a conversation the other week about just how far artistry , talent and quality has fallen since the times when whitney houston was considered THE best voice/artist in the biz ( and many many others ) to the likes of a taylor swift being praised for her ‘talents ‘. its laughable how low the bar is now …….dreadful writing , no-talent vocalists more concerned with fashion and posing and social media followings than ACTUAL artistry , timeless songs and artistic abilities . what the hell happened ?
a lot of industry folk attribute this to the dried up revenue streams and the glut of people chasing the few dollars still left as well as the inability of a generation to recognize REAL talent and REAL entertainment value . the laughable royalty agreements through streaming services and the costs of mounting major tours has REAL talents staying out of the biz in droves . why , if you have other emploment options , would you want to roll the dice in a music business that rewards a Card B or a Post Malone , L’il Nas or a Jason Aldean for simply being able to market themselves rather than artists with actual gifts ??
it seems the biz ( as hugh prestwood once wrote about ) has been indoctrinated by the ‘church of hollywood ‘ and targets the young and the impressionable and their dollars in order to survive economically .
December 25, 2019 @ 5:44 am
Taylor Swift has written or co written every song on every album she has released. She may not have Whitney’s pipes (who btw wrote none of her own music), but to say she has no talent i is idiotic.
North Woods Country
December 16, 2019 @ 10:29 am
Your argument would work if these modern artists were at least releasing good songs.
But they aren’t. These songs are factually terrible. There’s no credible argument that defines them as “good songs.”
Quality of art isn’t subjective after a certain point. These songs are long past that point.
December 16, 2019 @ 8:52 pm
The fact that you’re 58 just makes it that much sadder that your taste is so shitty.
December 17, 2019 @ 8:38 am
We’re approximately the same age and I’ve been a reader here for quite a while. One suggestion that I have for you would be that the next time you get the urge to write one of these categorical putdown rants, ask yourself if you really understand the people you are putting down and allow for the possibility that you might be making shallow, sweeping assumptions about them.
December 18, 2019 @ 12:22 pm
Again with that word “evolving.” Doesn’t evolution require some sort of connection to the past? As a boomer, you should understand that.
December 15, 2019 @ 10:46 pm
I think that the Satanist by the name of Zach Brown has released the worst of the year by far.
December 15, 2019 @ 11:30 pm
Trig, any news story on the forever stalling next LP by Chris Young? His “Raised on Country” album was supposed to come out in spring 2019… Same goes for “Fun” by Garth Brooks. Months and months later, and still no updates from them… Garth even had a pre-order going on for his album… Crazy to think fans bought it in advance and have been given zero updates on a new release date. That’s lame and quite disgraceful to Garth’s fans…
December 15, 2019 @ 11:37 pm
Can we discuss how country radio is stalling all of FGL’s newest singles… From “Talk You Out of It” peaking at # 11 after nearly 10 months of radio support and now their current “Blessings” is slowly climbing in the Top 40 after 3 months of radio support… A new trend is for sure happening!!!
Also, “Hell Right” by Blake is slow on the charts too. It’s at # 18 after 4 months… Both Blake and FGL use to score # 1’s within 3 months… Oh how the mighty have fallen. It’s too bad for FGL because Blessings is a pretty good song!
December 16, 2019 @ 12:12 pm
Goes with the “Bedroom Country” trend. Blake Shelton lucked out with “God’s Country,” but didn’t learn his lesson that the country audeince now wants songs that are more mature.
December 16, 2019 @ 11:26 pm
I’m guessing his next single will be his duet with Gwen “Nobody But You”… I wouldn’t mind if his Tequila Sheila cover was a single!!! Blake has covered many singles before including Ol Red, Home, and God Gave Me You.
December 18, 2019 @ 12:25 pm
Also, FGL is on Kenny Chesney’s tour as a supporting act instead of a headliner.
December 16, 2019 @ 1:44 am
If you want to hear real country take a listen to acts like creed fisher,Tyler.Childers or Sturgill Simpson
December 16, 2019 @ 3:55 am
When are you going to make an article about the worst country song EVER? Blake Shelton’s “Boys ‘Round Here” has to take several shit kudos. Blake Shelton should be ashamed. I had a good friend who died from mouth cancer and this shit face is apparently getting his pockets lined by the big tobacco industry. “Chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco. SPIT”. How can anyone write a song that promotes chewing tobacco to our youth? Socially, spitting is one of the most disgusting things a human can do. But Blake somehow incorporates that into his music like it’s the normal thing a young kid should be doing. It’s ignorant and shameful to be promoting a nasty drug addiction that can lead to mouth cancer to America’s youth like it’s nothing. And what’s just as disgusting is that nobody says a thing about it. Blake is more disgusting than spit! Thanks Blake for helping out this perpetual drug addiction that will help keep the tobbaco industries thriving while our youth gets addicted and has to spend their hard earned money to help with their own demise.
December 16, 2019 @ 12:10 pm
Oh quite a few of those have been written here:
December 16, 2019 @ 12:59 pm
Let me say first off that I’m not defending “Boys ‘Round Here” (I think that song is an abomination), but I don’t see how Blake Shelton can be so out for promoting a nasty, dangerous habit when so many artists do the same. Chris LeDoux and Gretchen Wilson both did songs about dipping tobacco. Hundreds of country songs mention smoking (in fact, country music still somewhat glamorizes smoking). Every other song on the radio is about getting drunk.
If you’re gonna nail Shelton, better nail everyone else too.
December 17, 2019 @ 1:05 am
Not a fan of the song… But Blake has said on many occasions that it’s ‘the stupidest song” that he’s ever recorded and it ironically became the biggest hit of his career. But I don’t think we should be bashing Blake… He’s done a lot of good for the mainstream country world. I do enjoy most of his singles. He’s doing music the way he wants to. “I Lived It” and “God’s Country” are awesome newer tracks from Blake. He promoted Craig Morgan’s “The Father, My Son, and the Holy Ghost” and got it trending everywhere. His “Friends and Heroes” tour was fantastic (yes I attended) with John Anderson, the Bellahmy Brothers, and Trace Adkins! And Blake seems like a really nice fella in real life… The Blake bashing for that one song and Hell Right is tiresome…. He’s put out some good stuff over the past 2 decades… Sort of like with Dierks and Brad Paisley… I definitely think the problems with current country reside with Dan and Shay, Old Dominion, Thomas Rhett, Sam Hunt, Luke Bryan, and Jason Aldean.
December 16, 2019 @ 4:41 am
I’m sorry, but after listening all the way through, I have to say that Luke Combs’ current album ranks right up there with Blake Shelton’s “Hell Right”. The entire album just beats you over the head with Bro tropes of huntin’, fishin’ truckin’, bro-hangin’, you name it. Everything Saving Country Music has complained about during the Bro-Country era is right there, done in an arena-rock bombastic style if there ever was one. “Beer Never Done Me Wrong” is a cute novelty song, but Combs is not a huge leap forward in the quality of country music at all.
December 16, 2019 @ 7:05 am
They’re all slugs!!!!!!!
December 16, 2019 @ 7:36 am
I’m not a old timer set in my ways and unable to adjust to pop country like the person who wrote this. I like older music and new music if it sounds good to me that’s all that counts. I love that country music has evolved from the shit that puts you to sleep to the stuff that makes you wanna drink shine and throw furniture on a bon fire. if there’s been any change over the years that don’t bother me it’s the change in music and I despise change.
December 16, 2019 @ 8:25 am
This so called music is pure shit! And these so called country artists are a bunch of self absorbed hick ass no talents! Real country is dead in the hands of these dillholes!
December 16, 2019 @ 9:41 am
Alldun: Actually had fun listening to this song. The lyrics are so dumb you can’t help but laugh at them. And the arena rock sound is ok, though not as good as Bon Jovi lol.
Artist Formerly Known As ZBB: The first second and a half was fine, sounded like a nice electric guitar groove getting started. But then this dumb hick starts rapping about Gucci and blow and whatever. Immediately turned it off. Microcosm of why ZBB is dead to so many.
BeeGeeBro: Can we please kill off that horrible synth-guitar sounding garbage once and for all? Didn’t even make it to the tractor rapping I assume he does here. Might be the worst song on this list, since it’s not even music.
SAM HUNT IS NOT COUNTRY.
BS & The Ghost of Trace Adkins: You can tell in the video that these guys are just having fun, not taking themselves or this song too seriously, but it’s still weird to see a bunch of 20-somethings at a bonfire hanging out with a couple of old timers who are telling them how cool they used to be. And of course this is another one of their patented talk-rap songs. IMO Trace Adkins is one of the worst sellouts in recent memory. Beautiful baritone voice totally gone to waste.
Bit**es: 5 seconds in, not even trying to pretend it’s country.
December 16, 2019 @ 9:47 am
What gets me about “Hell Right” is that it’s actually a pretty catchy chorus and gets stuck in my head. But then the lyrics are just so freaking awful it kills the whole thing for me.
December 16, 2019 @ 9:59 am
Don’t hate on Trace Adkins.
December 16, 2019 @ 10:08 am
Just ONE GUYS OPINION!!!!!
December 16, 2019 @ 8:46 pm
“We Back” just bores me to tears and I like “Flavor” for what it is (a pop song). The rest of these suck though. I gotta say I nominate two songs for the list though: “Black Sheep” and “Goldest” by Walker Hayes. I swear these two songs make Zac Brown’s atrocities of “Swayze” and “God Given” look like George Strait. These are so bad, I’m not even linking them. If you are curious, they are on YouTube. Just make sure you have some Jon Pardi, George Strait, or Alan Jackson on hand afterwards.
December 16, 2019 @ 9:41 pm
The worst (or at least most disappointing) thing about “Hell Right” is that Trace Adkins participated in it. We expect this type of thing from Blake–he’ll release a good song, and then follow it up with this kind of nonsense. But Trace knows better–he’s sung real country music, and he’s gotta know that this ain’t it.
December 16, 2019 @ 9:58 pm
Tyler Childers and Sturgill Simpson are the future …..Thank God.
December 17, 2019 @ 12:22 am
By every objective measure, “Knockin’ Boots” is a terrible song. But damn, it’s catchy.
As for “Hell Right”. More like “Hell No”.
December 17, 2019 @ 9:47 am
“This fat asshole should have his right to use the English language revoked for employing such a terrible pun.”
Made my day. Thank you sir.
December 18, 2019 @ 1:04 am
I notice that every one of the leading contenders starts with fake electronic percussion loops. Surely that’s enough to consign all of them to the discard bin straight up!
There must be rappers & hip-hoppers in LA & NYC wondering who stole their beats.
December 18, 2019 @ 7:04 am
This article/list is total trash. You sound like one of those kids from high school who wore an “I hate preppies” t-shirt and hated all the popular kids for being too “mainstream “…
Two positive things here: I only read two full song reviews and skimmed the rest so I didn’t waste too much of my time. And the other thing I have going for me is now I’ll recognize the website and avoid any further pieces written by or involving it.
Sad bunch of cynical people. Maybe you just need a big hug and a good therapist.
December 21, 2019 @ 2:48 pm
Let me guess, Ashley K, you were one of the popular kids?
If so, you’re right. I hated y’all. And I still do.
December 18, 2019 @ 7:58 am
My guilty pleasure of 2019 is “Hell Right”. The idea of the song is clever and it is catchy. Plus, I think Blake from time to time likes to put out songs in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. However, I won’t dispute all the above critiques, but I’d be lying if I denied hitting repeat a couple of times after hearing the whole song for the first time.
December 18, 2019 @ 9:13 am
As a way to judge ANY of the arts, a German philosopher named Goethe said you need to ask these three questions;
1) What was the artist trying to say?
2) How did the artist say it?
3) Was it worth saying?
This applies to all the arts… and in the case of all of these songs, they all fail #3. As does most of the current “country” music genre. Watching the CMA awards the other night left me wondering what happened to “country music”. Shay and ? are as far from country as you can get. Florida Georgia Line is just a recycled Red Hot Chili Peppers. And Sam Hunt? Holy shit, dude, leave that tattooed look to the ex-cons. By putting on a cowboy hat and a pseudo “Nudie” suit, you do NOT become a country artist.
Country music has become another genre of pop… and neither is very good. I am not sure that even Garth with his “Dive Bar” album is doing “country”.
Thank God our local country station, KCW, Bakersfield, CA plays actual country music.
Want to see the failure of question three in all its totality? Look no further than The afore mentioned Blake Shelton abomination “Chew Tobacco, etc”. This is the sad state of country music today.
For the Birds
December 18, 2019 @ 11:15 am
Listened to Miranda’s “Dark Bars” while reading this.
December 18, 2019 @ 11:32 am
I hope Trigger’s penis didn’t fall off while he was writing about Shelton
December 19, 2019 @ 7:39 pm
No surprise to see one of the gems off of The Bowel, I mean the Owl, from ZBB here. I’m sure one of the treasures from that amazing piece of work, is on most “Worst Country songs of 2019” lists. I’m still so bummed about the turn ZBB has taken. If Zac Brown was so hell bent on pursuing his big dream of being the next EDM/rap/pop sensation, I wish he would’ve just had the band go on hiatus and done a solo tour with his new BFF Poo Bear. Dragging his band into his ridiculous mid life crisis is such a shame. This will be the first tour I miss, by choice, because I refuse to fork out my hard earned money just to have my ears subjected to OMW or God Given. Hopefully they come back to us once Zac gets through this rough patch in his life. But until then, I’m extremely put off by the fact that they’re determined to stand by this album even though the majority of their fans can’t stand it. Zac Brown makes it sound like people just “don’t get it” because they’re “country purists”. Then the band has gotten snarky with some folks on Instagram. Not a smart business move, guys….. I know they’re “artists” but last time I checked fans PAY MONEY for albums and concerts and there should be a spirit of reciprocity between an artist and their fans. And for anybody who wants to come at me who just looooooves the new album…. I’m glad somebody likes it. But the numbers don’t lie. Look at reviews/billboard standings on this album versus any of their others. Clearly a lot of people don’t like it. And its not because its not “country” – I refuse to even get into the “country/not country” discussion. Plus ZBB never professed to be purely a country band – although they didn’t mind benefitting from country radio and its fanbase… Just sayin… Anyway.. It’s because its just BAD. The signature harmonies and incredible musicianship that is the trademark of this band is virtually nonexistent on this thing. You could take any mediocre hack musicians, and with enough studio magic create The Bowel. It sooo sells this band short and as a “use to be die hard, but now hanging on to a thread of hope that they come back to us” ZBB fan, I use to literally mark my calendar for their new albums. And I’d listen to them over and over again. Not this trash heap… OK I’m done now… Rant over.
December 21, 2019 @ 11:59 pm
Without reading all of the previous 97 comments, I am proud to to I have also not consciously heard any of the songs mentioned in this article.
Thank you Amazon Music Unlimited for allowing me to pick music in which I choose to hear..which seems to be none of these songs or artists mentioned.
December 27, 2019 @ 3:11 pm
Knockin’ Boots is a guilty pleasure of mine, but under no illusion it is actually a good song.
March 14, 2022 @ 8:09 am
RIGHT ON,Kim,because guess part of my username ?