What Country Legend Would Make the Best President?

 

Kanye West and Taylor Swift as a 2020 Presidential ticket?

Screw that. If we’re going to go dipping into the pool of musical performers to field Presidential candidates, then my vote would go for a country music legend rising to the forefront. And not just because I’m a country music fan, but because many of our legendary country artists have the history to connect with hard-working American citizens, the acumen, and in some cases, more skills and experience than some of the knuckleheads currently campaigning for your vote.

Here’s some country music legends who would make capable Presidential candidate.

P.S. – For the love of all things holy, please don’t bring your tired Facebook reactionary political opinions to this dark corner of the internet world. Please and thank you.


loretta-lynn

Loretta Lynn

” Strong on women’s issues (see her hits “The Pill” and “Rated ‘X'”).

” Authentic. What other presidential candidate can claim they’re a coal miner’s daughter? She’s able to connect with rural America and will look out for the working man and woman.

” Presidential notoriety. In 2013, Loretta Lynn was award the Presidential Medal of Freedom—the highest civilian award of the United States.

” She’s friends with Jack White (he producer her Van Lear Rose album), so she can deliver the hipster vote.


kris-kristofferson-2

Kris Kristofferson

” An Oxford graduate and Rhodes Scholar, Kristofferson is as well-educated, or better educated than any other Presidential candidate currently in the field. (Random fact: one of his professors at Oxford was J.R.R. Tolkien)

” Distinguished military service. Kris Kristofferson rose to the rank of Captain in the army, was Ranger trained, and worked as a helicopter pilot. He was scheduled to become a literature professor at West Point when he received an honorable discharge to pursue songwriting.  (Random fact: Kris once landed a helicopter on Johnny Cash’s lawn to hand-deliver songs for Cash to consider)

” Can connect with average people. After receiving his Oxford degree and finishing his military service, his first job in the music industry was as the janitor at Columbia Records in Nashville.  (Random Fact: Kris was cleaning the wastebaskets when was Dylan cutting Blonde on Blonde.)

” He played President Andrew Jackson in the recent History Channel movie Texas Rising.

” He slept Janis Joplin, Joan Baez, Rita Coolidge, Carly Simon, and Barbara Streisand. Should count for something, right?


dollypartonpic

Dolly Parton

” Executive experience. As the owner of the Dollywood theme park, she knows how to manage people, maintain and improve infrastructure, and balance budgets.

” Hard working. Dolly Parton has written over 3,000 songs, and when you consider the importance of some of them like “I Will Always Love You,” “Jolene,” and “Coat of Many Colors,” Dolly’s not just about volume, she’s about quality.

” Dolly Parton is one of the greatest advocates for literacy in the world, helping to distribute more than 8.3 million free books to children across multiple countries annually, servicing over 1600 communities and almost 700,000 children every month through her Imagination Library program.

” Massive, gargantuan, bordering on elephantiasis-sized breasts. Those puppies most certainly could come into use when negotiating international trade deals, matters of national security, backup flotation devices if Air Force One ever goes down over the ocean, work with me here people. Better to have them around in a pinch than not, that’s all I’m saying.


willie-nelson

Willie Nelson

” Recognized as one of the world’s greatest pacifists and men of peace.

” Strong on environmental issues, from the use of biofuels to preserving the environment.

” Few men have done as much for American farmers than Willie Nelson, from his annual Farm Aid concerts to other farmer advocacy work.

” White House experience. Willie Nelson once smoked marijuana on the roof of the White House during the Carter Administration—36 hours after being busted by customs agents in the Bahamas for marijuana possession and being deported from the island. It may not be very Presidential, but it certainly was a White House experience.


merle-haggard

Merle Haggard

” Escaped from jail 17 times.

” Spending 2 years and 9 months at the legendary San Quentin Prison in California where he saw Johnny Cash perform.

” Okay on second thought, Merle Haggard makes a terrible Presidential candidate on paper, but how cool would it be to have Merle freaking Haggard as President ?!?