Sam Hunt Embarrassingly Casts Himself as Johnny Cash

Whoa, what in the mothertrucker is this, Sam Hunt? You think you’ve got the mustard to fill the shoes of Johnny “caught at the Mexican border with 1,100 pills” Cash? If The Man in Black were here today, he’d put his size 13 Red Wing straight up your keister and break it off for this abomination.

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It’s been a glorious last few years where Sam Hunt and his stupid EDM music has been relegated to the dustbin of popular country. His last two singles couldn’t even make the Top 20 on the Hot Country Songs chart, and even stalled outside the Top 10 on sycophantic country radio.

People are officially done with Sam Hunt and his music, and this relic of the Bro-Country era seems to feel the same himself, barely touring or making public appearances. He only comes out of hiding to release the occasional single when the mailbox money from monstrosities like “Body Like a Backroad” starts running low. As he said a few years ago,

“I don’t want to come off as … I’m not excited about making music or I’m not very hopeful to have new music for the fans who are anxiously awaiting new music, but, you know, I’m in a place in my career and in my life where I’m not willing to give music 100 percent of me anymore.”

Yeah, no shit? That’s how you get half-assed efforts like his new song “Locked Up” with its droning, unimaginative EDM beats, bad lyricism, and stupid premise. This dude is a leopard print spandex hair metal rocker trying to make it in the Nirvana world. Hunt should pull a Florida Georgia Line and fold like a set of Mike Lindell sheets while he’s still ahead.

But instead of reading the writing on the wall, in all of his infinite wisdom, Sam Hunt thought he would try to exploit his pussy-ass arrest for drunk driving now 4 1/2 years ago through a song. Yet as opposed to exuding the honesty and vulnerability of an actual country song, Hunt once again embarrassingly overshares about his marriage/relationship to Hannah Lee Fowler like he did in the song “Drinkin’ Too Much” from his 2020 album Southside.

Then to add the mother of all insults to injury, for the video for the new song, Sam Hunt casts himself in the role of Johnny Cash from the iconic San Quentin prison performance from 1969. What hubris.

If Sam Hunt actually showed up to a prison to perform this song, a riot would ensue and he’d get shanked in the neck with a sharpened toothbrush handle. Besides, subjecting prisoners to Sam Hunt’s music would most certainly be ruled as a form of cruel and unusual punishment and stayed by the Supreme Court.

Most would rather get raped in a mop closet by a prison gang or face lethal injection as opposed to being forcibly placed in a Sam Hunt audience. Sam Hunt could have remade the time Johnny Cash fought an ostrich. But we all know that in Sam Hunt’s case, the ostrich would have won.

You almost want to feel bad for Sam Hunt. But then you see something like this and you think, “No, let him get gonorrhea, have his penis fall off, and die alone.”

Sam Hunt is a failure at everything he tries to do, including trying to portray himself as a failure. Hunt’s wife should do us all a favor an leave. Then perhaps he might be able to make an actual country song.

Screw Sam Hunt and his stupid haircut. And long live Johnny Cash.

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