It should be of no surprise to anyone that as we check in on the bulbous, puss-filled malignant growth that is Dustin Lynch’s pop country career that it’s in need of laceration, draining, and intense radiation.
The horror on this poor woman’s face says it all. What could cause this reaction? Let’s look at some of the worst case scenarios in country music.
We need another country music awards show like we need another natural disaster. In fact, I’m half certain it’s because humanity is so busied by meaningless baubles like redundant country music awards shows that God has forsaken us.
So Jake Owen is still a thing, huh? I thought he’d be managing a Chipotle in Murfreesboro at this point. But the summer drunk song season is here, and so the perennially tan one is back to drop another deuce.
This weekend, Police and Fire personnel had large swaths of downtown Austin cordoned off due to a mass casualty/hazardous exposure event, also known as the CMT Awards. The barriers and checkpoints weren’t there to keep freeloaders out, it was to keep the grotesque infection of pop country quarantined.
Not only does Will Thompson’s “Checklist” perfectly parody problematic country music found on the radio, it also maligns a lot of the other elements that accompany these kinds of songs, like rap cadences, the rising radio chorus, and Auto-Tuned vocal signals. He’s pretty merciless and thorough.
It’s so often embarrassing as a country music fan when some mainstream “country” (in quotations) performer gets presented on a national stage. The most recent example was Blanco Brown singing the National Anthem ahead of the NASCAR race on Sunday (3-19) at the Atlanta Motor Speedway.
Will this be the next trend to overtake mainstream country? Of course not. That’s part of what is hilarious about this. As disturbing as Katie Noel’s take on “country” is, it’s also horrifically outdated. This stuff peaked in 2011 with Jason Aldean and “Dirt Road Anthem.” Heard from Colt Ford lately?
Of course around these parts, this is just regular Monday morning conversation. But if you think that dedicated country music fans are repulsed by much of the stuff that transpires in the mainstream of country, think about how you might feel if you’re repulsed by country already.
The indicted conspirators in an underage female sex trafficking ring based out of the Dominican Republic? Spokespeople who would like to tell you about the symptoms and dangers of an enlarged prostate? Models for JCPenny’s exciting new line of upcoming spring fashions for 2023?
If we’re being honest, country music continues to improve across the board, including in the mainstream as we continue to get farther and farther away from the Bro-Country era. But there are still some stragglers and terrible songs out there that are worth exposing to the sunlight and watching them whither.
It’s a tradition as tried and true as grandma’s pumpkin pie. Every year on Thanksgiving Day, a football team has to make the worst possible pick for a halftime performer from the dregs of pop country, and embarrass country music on a national stage like your drunk uncle going on a racist tirade in front of your fiance.
After Blackberry Smoke had finished playing and before Jamey Johnson took the stage, personalities from the local pop country radio station, New Country KX 96.9, came out to fill time between the set change. The crowd of mostly traditional country fans was not too impressed with the results.
Larping as a ode to hard working rural folks, “Rolex® On A Redneck” is really just a laundry list of product endorsements from Gilbert for stuff actual farmers would never be caught dead with. Dusty Bumpkins on a sorghum patch outside of OshKosh isn’t sporting a Rolex.
Shit! No, not necessarily these nominations. Well, kind of the nominations as well. But the fact that by some obligatory sense of duty by the powers vested in me as the owner/operator of a country music website, I must convey the nominees of the 2022 ACM Awards, which have fallen so far down in relevancy […]
‘Tis the season to set ’em up, and tee off on the worst “country” songs released in the last calendar year, and boy, were there some doozies in 2021. It still feels like country music in the mainstream continues to improve. But that doesn’t mean some stinkers still don’t slip in.
Though fans will have to wait until January to see the exhibit themselves, Saving Country Music has been granted an EXCLUSIVE sneak preview of many of the pieces of memorabilia that will be on display celebrating the duo’s decade in service to Bo-Country.
My Lord is this is bad. But it’s one of these instances where it’s so terrible, it’s actually hilarious. I heard about this monstrosity, cued it up on the music streaming service of choice, and started laughing so hard milk shot out of my nose. And I wasn’t even drinking milk at the time.
Boy, we thought we’d rounded the corner on terrible Trace Adkins songs just like we’d squashed the pandemic with vaccines, only to have this vomitous monstrosity foisted upon us like a new, virulent COVID strain especially adept at circumventing immunization.
A washed-up jingoist, a normcore corporate songwriting dork with astigmatism, and a roided-out stove-headed tough guy in motorcycle garb walk into a bar … stop me if you’ve heard this one. Yeah, I’m mad as hell about this new Brantley Gilbert single.
Breland is back, and collaborating closely with Keith Urban in the hopes of giving him some credibility in country’s mainstream. Jokes on him though, because Keith Urban has no credibility to lend. Don’t believe me, just recall when he accidentally won Entertainer of the Year in 2018.
Sorry Jamey Johnson. Sorry Elizabeth Cook. Sorry Miranda Lambert. Sorry Carly Pearce and Charles Esten, who continue to be some of the most frequent Opry performers who haven’t received membership yet. Sorry cool up-and-coming names like Billy Strings that could be the shot of youth.
Like so many modern day true country fans, Tony Rice held a pretty outspoken distaste for what country music had become, and wasn’t afraid to speak about it publicly. “There’s still a lot of good music out there that John and Jane Doe will never hear.”
You can palpably feel the IQ points fleeing your gray matter while in audience with this audio monstrosity. It is not scientifically possible to engineer a conflagration of audio signals that is more indolent, and damaging to the psyche and intellect than this abomination.