My Lord is this is bad. But it’s one of these instances where it’s so terrible, it’s actually hilarious. I heard about this monstrosity, cued it up on the music streaming service of choice, and started laughing so hard milk shot out of my nose. And I wasn’t even drinking milk at the time.
Down with Pop Country
Boy, we thought we’d rounded the corner on terrible Trace Adkins songs just like we’d squashed the pandemic with vaccines, only to have this vomitous monstrosity foisted upon us like a new, virulent COVID strain especially adept at circumventing immunization.
A washed-up jingoist, a normcore corporate songwriting dork with astigmatism, and a roided-out stove-headed tough guy in motorcycle garb walk into a bar … stop me if you’ve heard this one. Yeah, I’m mad as hell about this new Brantley Gilbert single.
Breland is back, and collaborating closely with Keith Urban in the hopes of giving him some credibility in country’s mainstream. Jokes on him though, because Keith Urban has no credibility to lend. Don’t believe me, just recall when he accidentally won Entertainer of the Year in 2018.
Sorry Jamey Johnson. Sorry Elizabeth Cook. Sorry Miranda Lambert. Sorry Carly Pearce and Charles Esten, who continue to be some of the most frequent Opry performers who haven’t received membership yet. Sorry cool up-and-coming names like Billy Strings that could be the shot of youth.
Like so many modern day true country fans, Tony Rice held a pretty outspoken distaste for what country music had become, and wasn’t afraid to speak about it publicly. “There’s still a lot of good music out there that John and Jane Doe will never hear.”
You can palpably feel the IQ points fleeing your gray matter while in audience with this audio monstrosity. It is not scientifically possible to engineer a conflagration of audio signals that is more indolent, and damaging to the psyche and intellect than this abomination.
Comedian John Crist is taking the lyrics of some of country music’s worst songs to task by turning literal interpretations of them into video skits. If you ever wondered how implausible the premise of “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy,” or “Dirt Road Anthem” is, he’s got you covered.
Due to COVID-19, and then the protests and riots, the Saving Country Music snark machine has been pretty much powered down and collecting dust for the better part of 2020. But there has been as few instances of country music malfeasance so egregious, it would be unconscionable to not address.
Kane Brown took center field at AT&T Stadium on Thanksgiving Day to perform a medley of his hit during the halftime of the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Football Team game, and no, it wasn’t the expired cream cheese in the pumpkin pie that had folks hurling up giblets, it was the prancing wanker lip syncing.
It appears like Kane Brown is as apt to get lost in the scary landscape of country music as he is his own 30 acres. Sure, navigating through some of country’s subgenres can be a little confounding for the musical civilian. But this is a guy that’s made millions off of being a supposed “country” star.
Due to COVID-19, and then the protests and riots after the George Floyd killing, the Saving Country Music snark machine has been pretty much powered down and collecting dust for the better part of 2020. But there has been as few instances of country music malfeasance so egregious, it would be unconscionable to not address them.
Cody Jinks rarely casts stones, and isn’t inclined to spout off against pop country unless the situation is really called for. That happened to be the case when he made a recent visit to the dentist, and was exposed to the Sam Hunt song “Hard To Forget,” though he didn’t know the song or artist at the time.
Our worst fears when seeing that the name of Florida Georgia Line’s new song was “I Love My Country” is that we were in store for some jingoistic anthem slathering it on thick about how much they support the troops and the good ol’ stars and stripes, exploiting people’s patriotism circa Toby Keith 2003. Oh, if we could have only been so lucky.
Haha. Okay… So this is how Sam Hunt is making his music, “… more traditional in terms of the genre … that’s definitely where the songs are leaning at this point,” like he promised us he was doing last summer? By filching a piece of a sacred Webb Pierce classic and misappropriating it for a derivative drum-looped pop song?
It’s never too late to revitalize your career, or to train wreck it. Tim McGraw saw all the hubbub being made over “Old Town Road” and decided he could mumble rap about pure nonsense and call it country too. Bad for him though, none of the Gen Z’ers with their Tik-Tok apps know or care who Tim McGraw is.
This is the data from the Saving Country Music investigation into the presence of fake accounts on streaming services such as Spotify, Amazon, Apple Music, Google Play, and YouTube, including the names of the artists affected, the names of the fake accounts, and the specific songs taken.
Alright, so we’ve run down the Saving Country Music Album of the Year nominees, and awarded The Winner. And we’ve also populated the 2019 Essential Albums List. Now it’s time to single out the dogs of the last calendar year and let them hear it. Here ladies and gentlemen are your WORST “Country” Albums for 2019.
I want to congratulate Kenny Chesney on all of his great country music success with all the albums sold, the massive stadium shows, the incredible sheen he’s able to buff into his forehead, that strange marriage to Renee Zelleweger and whatever happened there, and of course, his always deliciously on-point Panama Jack attire. What an […]
One sign that mainstream country music continues to improve is the decrease in “country” songs that were worthy of rants in 2019 compared to previous years. However there were a few exceptions in 2019, and songs worthy of taking out back to the woodshed. Our full-throated opposition to these monstrosities misappropriated as “country.”
It wasn’t just that it was bad country. It’s that it was just bad music, and the assessment of this was almost universal. There stands Brantley Gilbert with his stupid brass knuckles microphone and cheesy Affliction T-shirt machismo attitude, and his bandmates with their mohawks and dreadheads miming to a backing track
“Kinfolks” is Sam Hunt thinking you’ll consider this a country song just because the lyrical hook is a rural colloquialism. This is what passes for “country” in Sam Hunt’s book, while we’re supposed to ignore the clap track and hip-pop phrasing. Sam Hunt left a huge mess behind in country music when he disappeared a few years ago.
The entirety of Blake Shelton’s career just devolved quicker than a political discussion with your drunk and racist uncle at Thanksgiving dinner. All the headway country music has made over the last couple of years, and now we have to figure out how to maneuver around this “Hell Right” bullshit.