On Wednesday, August 31st, 2022, Florida Georgia Line played its final show as a duo at the Minnesota State Fair. “This is our last official concert as Florida Georgia Line… let’s see what we got left in the tank,” Tyler Hubbard said at the start of the performance, goading the crowd. It’s been a long, slow, painful death.
If Morgan Wallen was a young male suitor in pursuit of your sister or daughter, he would be one of those beaus where it is undeniable they are trouble, with not just red flags flying right out in the open, but a rap sheet to back up these presuppositions. This is Morgan Wallen’s career and music in a nutshell.
Dozens of TikTok videos of the 27-year-old’s maskless partying with college-aged girls emerged, and specifically of Morgan Wallen sucking face with half a dozen of them. This has resulted in ‘Saturday Night Live’ canceling his appearance.
When it comes to popular music, every generation has its goat. And no, we’re not talking about the hip social media acronym for the “Greatest of All Time.” We’re talking about the sacrificial kind—the one synonymous with an ornery horned land animal that eats your garden and shits everywhere.
Of course people are different. We learn that at six-years-old. Of course everyone should be respectful to each other, and try to see other people’s perspectives. But this is the premise for a nursery rhyme, not a country song. Adults use subtly, nuance, and story to get important points across they wish to convey in music.
They signed him up to a major label, and put Florida Georgia Line’s producer in charge. I’m not kidding. It’s so sinister, you can’t make it up. This is “Yodel Boy” after all. Where is the damn yodel? It’s the yodel that made the entire thing interesting. Now Mason Ramsey is just another homogenized product to make money from.
The only thing good that could come from Charles Kelley releasing solo material is that it hints that maybe Lady Antebellum is on the rocks. And since the word is that this is not the case and the band is just taking a short hiatus, not even this can be celebrated as a positive development.
Super secret sources are telling Billboard that Garth Brooks will be issuing an updated version of his 1990 mega hit “Friends in Low Places” to mark the song’s 25th Anniversary, and he will be enlisting a number of high-profile low friends to help him with the new rendition. Included on the new track are reportedly George Strait (yep), Keith Urban (err), Jason Aldean (nope), and Florida Georgia Line (puke).
This song from former The Voice contestant and now Valory Music-signed 20-year-old country music starlet Raelynn has been lurking out there for a while now, garnering tacit approval from the country music listening public and sitting down in the 30-something range in chart performance, while driving other listeners crazy for a host of reasons.
Congratulations Justin Moore and Outlaws Like Me, you’re officially off the hot seat. Because right here, right now, I am unilaterally declaring that Florida Georgia Line’s new album Anything Goes is the worst album ever released in the history of country music. Ever. Including Florida Georgia Line’s first album Here’s To The Good Times, including anything else you can muster from the mainstream.
At this point, Florida Georgia Line has settled quite nicely into being the great American sedative of our generation. Just as producer Joey Moi did with Nickelback before them, this music affords a vacation from self-reflection or truly beneficial thought. This is the type of vacationary audio lubrication that keeps the engine of corporate America purring along just fine.
The rumors of a drunken interlude between Miranda Lambert’s knuckles and the face of Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger have been lurking out there for a couple of years now, transferring mouth to mouth amongst the unclean masses like an unwelcome oral herpetic strain. Nothing had ever been confirmed though, leaving a few to speculate that the whole incident was mere urban myth.
Southern twang is back in a big way baby, as bro-country dominates the format, and female performers try and turn up the sass to compete. As opposed to trying to apologize for their Southern roots, today’s country artists can’t shut the hell up about them, regularly reinforcing all things country in laundry list form with elongated drawls. This has seen the rise of the Southern accent once again.
Jake Owen, my man. You know I love you for calling out country that’s all about “fuckin’ cups and Bacardi and stuff like that” and giving my man Tony Martinez a big break on your “Days of Gold” tour. But “Beachin'”? Really? What’s going on here folks is now that Kenny Chesney has been put out to pasture by the country music powers that be, somebody has to step up and fill the void.
Such a gift from heaven it has been to not have Brantley terrorizing us with new music for a good long while. But apparently Brantley was just resting up, refining his putrid exploration into the very innermost reaches of human vanity and self-ingratiation to then unleash his new diarrhetic single “Bottoms Up,” and it’s accompanying video.