Uncle Ezra Ray’s Song “B.Y.H.B.” (A Rant)
Warning: Some Language
Like a cabal of menacing dark princes rendezvousing in a desert hideout, devoid of any and all compassion and decency as they mastermind a plot to inflict the widest possible psychological toll upon the masses with their incendiary terroristic horror, three semi-successful pop rock washouts refugeed from the implosion of the rock format have conjoined to cobble together whatever is left of their twilighting relevancy and disappearing talent reserves to attempt to prop up their spendthrift lifestyles by releasing the most calamitous and formulaic audio pap to ever be exposed to the human species. Lock your doors and clench your loved ones a little closer: this is the dawning of the unholy triumvirate known as Uncle Ezra Ray.
If there was ever a day, ever a moment in history that the whole of humanity could come together regardless of religion or creed and find uncompromised consensus behind Stephen Hawking’s assessment that “There is no God,” it would be the day Uncle Ezra Ray came into being.
Comprised of douche tool Mark McGrath from the dumb 90’s band Sugar Ray, who’s lately been sniffing celebrity crotch for the television embarrassment known as Extra, Kevin Griffin from the diluted grunge-lite 90’s one hit semi-wonder Better Than Ezra, and Kid Rock knockoff and general American music cretin Uncle Cracker, this metrosexed threesome has released a new acronym-happy and acrimony-spreading audible disease known as “B.Y.H.B.”—short for “Bring Your Hot Body.” Yep, sounds deep, doesn’t it?
You can combine all three men’s musical histories together, and most Millennials still wouldn’t know who the fuck these 40-something posers are. But with Mark McGrath’s frosted tips, Kevin Griffin’s co-write of Sugarland’s embarrassing song “Stuck Like Glue,” and Uncle Cracker’s guilty plea for assaulting a woman, these shallow misogynist carpetbaggers should slip right into the dubious ranks of Bro-Country slime balls just dandy.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve declared a country song the worst ever, but what I can assure you is there has never been more of a “paint by number” effort than this dumpster fire of a summer tune. From the conspicuous pandering of the repetitive “Hey Hey” and “What What” lines, to the terrible white boy rapping, to the egregious ripping off of the “La di da di we likes to party” phrasing, and just the incredible liberties taken for what is supposed to be country music, even Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line must be looking sideways at this thing, wondering if this Bro-Country bit has done got out of hand and if Uncle Ezra Ray will spoil the party for everyone by going so completely out-of-bounds.
And don’t fool yourself into thinking, “Oh, this boutique side project won’t get past the county fair circuit before these guys contract carcinomas from their spray tans or get taken down by an army of baby mama’s demanding alimony.” We could only be so lucky, but this mortifying song is already spreading on SiriusXM’s pop country station The Highway like an aggressive and puss-oozing venereal rash destined to repopulate to pestilence levels during the steamy months of summer similar to the shitastic Bro-Country über odes that have shamed country music in past seasons.
How do you think Florida Georgia Line and “Cruise” got their starts? Or Chase Rice, Cole Swindell, or Sam Hunt’s “Leave the Night On”? They all started when SiriusXM’s John Marks shepherded them onto The Highway‘s rotation, and the rest was tarnished history.
Moreover, the presence of Uncle Ezra Ray and “B.Y.H.B.” on the country scene once again illustrates the serious lack of gatekeepers and leadership in the country genre. If these cock rock castoffs can construe themselves a super hit while hundreds, possibly thousands of country music hopefuls with ten times the talent slave away in clubs and honky tonks trying to earn their shot, then what the hell does it say about country music as a genre?
Uncle Ezra Ray and “B.Y.H.B.” should be publicly laughed at, shunned, lampooned, rebuked, parodied, and told to take their big bag of nothing back to the teenie bopper clubs of Newport Beach. But instead “B.Y.H.B.” is probably a few choice spins on the Bobby Bones Show away from being awarded Single of the Year by the CMA.
May country music Jesus make the penises of all three of these men fall off for perpetrating such an atrocity on country music.
Two guns way down!
Fuzzy Twoshirts
July 14, 2015 @ 8:15 am
my god it sounds awful! this song sounds like one truck full of tin cans ran into another truck carrying hogs… and here I am watching Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
Greg B
July 14, 2015 @ 9:54 am
That made me laugh. 🙂
SteveG
July 14, 2015 @ 8:16 am
What in the hell did I just listen to? The only solace I take in abominable songs like these is that it enables Trigger to give an eviscerating, poignant, and ultimately entertaining rant/review!
Albert
July 16, 2015 @ 5:50 pm
‘The only solace I take in abominable songs like these is that it enables Trigger to give an eviscerating, poignant, and ultimately entertaining rant/review!’
Amen to that . “Keep the shit coming, Twangtown…we ARE amused !! “
Scotty J
July 14, 2015 @ 8:18 am
Was the Smash Mouth guy unavailable?
Lannysackhand
July 14, 2015 @ 8:36 am
Ha!
Nadia Lockheart
July 14, 2015 @ 9:50 am
Maybe when they told him this would be a true breadwinner of a side project, he had a panic attack! 😉
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YJfXdSR85o
Wallace
July 14, 2015 @ 8:22 am
It’s a song so horrible that only these 4 guys from horrible bands of the 90’s and 00’s could come together and make it. I bet even Florida Georgia Line listened to that demo and said nope, not us.
DaveG
July 14, 2015 @ 8:24 am
Mark Mcgrath said in an interview a few days ago that KG wrote it for FLG but they passed lol. Apparently he’s actually a pretty big country songwriter.
Megan Conley
July 14, 2015 @ 10:33 am
If Florida Georgia Line passes on something, you know you’ve hit rock bottom…lol! This is one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. Not just in country, but ever. Trigger, give it the “worst song ever” designation.
Nadia Lockheart
July 14, 2015 @ 1:53 pm
Kevin Griffin: “Allo, my bromies! Have I got the sick jam for yas! Check this out! I bet it’s right up you homeboys’ allies!”
Tyler Hubbard (makes “T” motion with his hands to signify “Timeout!”) “Now hold on a minute there, Kevin! You don’t seriously think we’re gonna just cut ANY song about partying, right?”
Kevin Griffin: “Wha?”
Brian Kelley: “Yeah, man! I know you probably walked in here thinking ‘Oh yeah, those Florida-Georgia Line guys sure know how to party, they’ll cut anything with Bacardi in the lyrics, blah blah blah!’ I’m afraid it don’t work that way, son!”
Tyler Hubbard: “Right on, Brian! You see, even we have to draw the line somewhere! I know all those folks with laptops out there in their parents’ basements think we’ll cut ANYTHING, but you know what? We have some (struggles to pronounce dignity) dignity too! Sooner or later, you gotta draw the line!”
Brian Kelley: “Yeah, what he said! You got us all wrong here! Take your disrespectful dittie and shove it!”
*
😉
Fuzzy TwoShirts
July 14, 2015 @ 2:42 pm
Nah they’d never talk like that.
KG: Hey bro-dudes I has a song for you guys to cover!!!
Tyler: Cover it with what?
KG: I mean sing it!
Brian: Swingin’? Wasn’t that a song?
Tyler: I remember that song from the 90’s, Don Anderson sang that!!!
Brian: Me too! I hated that song, it had too much fiddle in it.
Tyler: What’s a fiddle?
KG: Guys focus!
Brian: A fiddle is like a violin.
Tyler: I think Red Skelton did a comedy sketch about that
Brian: Nah, you mean Kadiddlehopper. Also his last name’s Shelton.
Tyler: Like Blake?
Brian: Dude we need to go listen to some Drake right now!!!!
Donny
July 14, 2015 @ 8:23 am
This sounds like the fuckin’ garbage you hear on the Family Network. I think my testosterone just plummeted after listening to that brutal song.
Dan H
July 14, 2015 @ 8:24 am
I guess when one washed out rock jockey switches to country every washed out rock artist wants too. When it rains it pours, I wonder who will be next.
Logan
July 14, 2015 @ 8:34 am
That’s just terrible. Not much else I can say.
Btw Trigger, have you heard Jerrod Niemman’s new single “Blue Bandana”? It’s interesting that he’s gone back to his pre-Drink to that all night sound…
Trigger
July 14, 2015 @ 8:57 am
Yes, his ode to corporate festivals being co-opted by Live Nation makes for a good veiled sales pitch, but will anyone listen after he sold his ass with his last record? I’m still waiting for that “Donkey” video to see the light of day.
I may review it eventually.
Logan
July 14, 2015 @ 9:00 am
Yeah I’d love to see the video for “Donkey”. And that’s exactly what I was thinking. If he hadn’t soldout so hard, he might not be viewed as quite as big of a joke that he is now.
Nadia Lockheart
July 14, 2015 @ 2:11 pm
I think Niemann opportunistically saw an opening with Kenny Chesney & Grace Potter’s “Wild Child” (which references Bonnaroo & Burning Man) hitting #1……………..and decided to pounce on that in strategizing a comeback angle.
Jason
July 14, 2015 @ 2:23 pm
I was pleasantly surprised with that song. I expected it to be much worse. It has its flaws, but it’s listenable. Hopefully when he releases an album it’ll be more songs like that instead of… whatever High Noon was supposed to be.
Taylor
July 14, 2015 @ 6:29 pm
Just listened Blue Bandana, while it is not the most traditional, not a bad song at all. I enjoy hearing songs about rambling and free spirit lifestyle. They make good listening songs, IMO. And yes, Wild Child is another great song, I was shocked when I liked a Kenny Chesney song, but heck I would listen to any of this stuff over FGL.
Frank the tank
July 14, 2015 @ 8:36 am
“Wondering if a Uncle Ezra Ray will spoil the party for everyone by going so completely out-of-bounds.”
We can only hope.
I couldn’t listen to the song (video not available) but I heard a short clip on YouTube and that’s all I needed to hear.
Herbie
July 14, 2015 @ 8:41 am
I made it almost a minute before I got herpes. How long did it take the rest of you?
Megan Conley
July 14, 2015 @ 10:37 am
I really miss the like button right now…comment of the year.
Boston
July 14, 2015 @ 10:46 am
About 46 seconds. So itchy…. lol
MOreb
July 14, 2015 @ 11:47 pm
37 seconds. Jesus, this is the worst one yet.
J
July 14, 2015 @ 8:48 am
“wondering if this Bro-Country bit has done got out of hand”, I see what you did there. Nice.
Warthog
July 14, 2015 @ 8:53 am
Wow. Just wow. Song sucks.
I always kinda liked Uncle Kracker. His weird rap/soft rock/half-ass soul combo was mediocre, but produced some catchy tunes nonetheless. And “Follow Me” is a good song, despite being somewhat overplayed.
Never cared for Sugar Ray, though, and I’ve never even heard of Bite-Me-Ezra
BrettS
July 14, 2015 @ 9:33 am
Seriously just lost some brain cells on that song. Not cool.
Kyle
July 14, 2015 @ 9:41 am
Sounds like TobyMac, and that is bad.
marc
July 14, 2015 @ 9:43 am
Uncle Ezra Ray following in the steps of other supergroups much like.
The Highwaymen
The Travelling Wilbury’s
Damn Yankees
Texas Tornados
Them Crooked Vultures
Bad English
The Power Station
The Firm
ASIA
Bear
July 15, 2015 @ 1:14 am
Don’t forget Los Fabulous Cadillacs! One of my favorites.
Big Black Richard
July 15, 2015 @ 9:52 am
Don’t forget the Notorious Cherry Bombs! Who would’ve expected Vince Gill, Rodney Crowell and Biggie Smalls to make such good music.
Steven
July 14, 2015 @ 9:53 am
At this moment I’m thinking being deaf wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
Tim
July 14, 2015 @ 10:12 am
What the HELL? “Homegirls jumping out of a caddy with 40 oz in brown bags”??? These guys are obviously very white, so at what point have they ever been to a party where the above scenario was true? I know, as a white male, I have surely never been to a party with girls getting out of a caddy drinking 40’s in brown bags.
Tim
July 14, 2015 @ 10:15 am
And I actually used to like/respect Better Than Ezra and KG’s song writing as a teen/young adult, but my God I just lost all respect I ever ever ever had after hearing that. Sweet Lord I am glad I never listen to “The Highway”. That Storme Warren dude is annoying enough, so I can’t imagine hearing shit like this in addition to Storme. Might just have to drive this Ford into the biggest dam Live Oak tree I can find.
Nadia Lockheart
July 14, 2015 @ 10:20 am
…………………….you weren’t kidding. This is atrociously awful! O__O
*
The first thing that flashed in my mind while listening to this is: “Where is Mark McGrath?”
Heck, the only vocal that truly stood out in this was that of Kevin Griffin. Even Uncle Kracker’s vocals are notably hard to detect here (I only briefly deciphered them in the latter half of each verse).
Which is weird to me. Because of the three featured frontmen here, Uncle Kracker has had, by and large, the most success on country radio previously with his appearance on Kenny Chesney’s “When The Sun Goes Down” and “Smile”. By that logic, they would want to use his voice, rather than Griffin’s, to anchor the project.
But, yeah……………I didn’t even hear McGrath in this AT ALL. Unless, of course, his vocal has changed shockingly over these past seven years. I’ll always think of him as “the guy who said ‘do it again’ in most of his hit singles’!” 😉
*
Secondly: uh oh, Florida Georgia Line! They’re pouncing on the Bacardi/body rhyme couplet! You’re ceding market share! 😉
*
Thirdly, what the heck does “highty-tighty” mean? (doubt I want to know, come to think of it! 😉 ). “Homegirls”? “Ice-cold 40”? “Cristal”?
And here I thought deciphering Florida Georgia Line’s bloody awful album track, “Good Good”, was an eyesore! -__-
*
Finally, hahahahaha, I see what you three guys did there in echoing “party” in the outro: cleverly making the “p” silent so it sounds like you’re saying “Arby’s” or “Hardee’s”. Yeah, good luck in picking up a lucrative marketing deal with Hardee’s to promote a monstrous single that will truly size up well with a monstrous Most American Thickburger! At least you’e good company! 😉
*
Yeah, there’s no redeeming value in this whatsoever!
It doesn’t surprise me that Mark McGrath and Uncle Kracker have sold out hard here. But I expected more from Kevin Griffin. Better Than Ezra at least tried, previously, to cut songs with some heart like with “Desperately Wanting” and much of their album “How Does Your Garden Grow?”. I certainly think Griffin is better than this.
Two Thumbs Way Down, no recommendation, and here’s hoping its success on The Highway isn’t indicative of its broader chart run.
Greg T
July 14, 2015 @ 2:32 pm
KG has been pop for a long time so this doesn’t surprise me at all actually (have you heard Crazy Lucky from last year)? Just saw that he writes for Sugarland, Megan and Liz, and JT Hodges, so going pop country isn’t new for him.
But i didn’t know that meant rhyming bacardi with partay was around the corner….
I actually see a chance this song takes off.
dukes
July 14, 2015 @ 10:28 am
Songs like this make me want to quit writing music.
But I won’t… because f&*k ’em.
Bear
July 14, 2015 @ 10:37 am
Did this song mention 8 tracks and homegirls in the same verse?! I know disco and the 90s are kinda back in vogue right now but no, just no…. What the ever loving hell. The only thing this has going for it is it made me almost like Brett Michael’s “country” song more.
Also ” If these cock rock castoffs” not even close. College rock maybe but the lack of a guitar solo denies them entry to cock rock status. I lived through cock rock was better, sadly.
Melissa
July 14, 2015 @ 10:50 am
Who the actual fuck ever wanted the Sugar Ray/Smashmouth era back? Is that passing for nostalgia now? *shudders* Commercial “country” has truly become music’s dumping ground.
Nadia Lockheart
July 14, 2015 @ 1:40 pm
I didn’t mind Smashmouth, truthfully.
“Fush Yu Mang” was a fun, energetic debut album of theirs, and “Astro Lounge” had its share of enjoyable anthems too. I think they began to lose their way by their third, eponymous album, but they hardly represented the worst of the Nineties.
Sugar Ray never impressed me, though. I could never get into their earlier rap-rock style, and by the time they capitulated to the mainstream they just sounded too bland and anonymous.
If you were to ask me what epitomized the worst of the Nineties, I’d argue Blink-182 encouraging the disposable “pop-punk” bubble that followed (Michael Ray cites Blink-182 as one of his leading influences), Korn, Limp Bizkit and Slipknot both on their own as well as encouraging the atrocious cookie-cutter bands that followed, and disposable pop outfits like the Spice Girls, NSYNC and 98 Degrees.
Gawd help us if either Korn or Limp Bizkit succeed in carving out crossover hits on country radio, or we see a bubble of forthcoming acts collect hits on country radio who ape their sounds.
Melissa
July 14, 2015 @ 2:41 pm
Smashmouth wasn’t the worst, I agree. Their songs just sounded like commercial jingles to me; like they could all end with “by Mennen!” They actually don’t sound as bad to me now as back in the day when they were soooo overplayed.
Sugar Ray and Blink-182 were just awful.
John
July 14, 2015 @ 11:07 am
I can’t believe I actually paused “Midnight In Montgomery” to give this…this….thing… a listen….couldn’t even make it to 30 seconds. haha
Kale
July 14, 2015 @ 11:21 am
If this goes to #1, it is truly the ends of days. 3 washed up men can release a crap song and get a hit, but if a female megastar like Adele decided to cut a country song, it wouldn’t even make the top 10.
Alex
July 14, 2015 @ 1:19 pm
This is a real thing? My God, how embarrassing. Fuck the ’90s. Fuck the whole decade, my ’90s self included.
Dane
July 14, 2015 @ 1:42 pm
Remember how the dude who played Screech (on Saved By The Bell) would do absolutely ANYTHING to get even one more moment of sunlight in his tragic life……?
Taylor
July 14, 2015 @ 2:01 pm
If Florida Georgia Line passed up on this you know it’s bad.
Fuzzy TwoShirts
July 14, 2015 @ 2:59 pm
Maybe they only passed up on it because they were too busy trying to get bail money after violating a local wallet chain restriction.
Derek
July 16, 2015 @ 7:36 am
Wouldn’t the success from this song provide them with that bail money though?
the pistolero
July 14, 2015 @ 2:11 pm
This is, in a way, oddly comforting. Why?
Because it shows that the washed-up pop-rock stars of the ’90s are just as willing to shit on art as so many washed-up pop-rock stars of the ’80s. It’s always struck me, since I started paying attention, that hidden in the implication that ’90s grunge/alternative was superior to ’80s metal was that the folks from the ’90s would never stoop to this sort of thing. Well, we see how that turned out, don’t we?
Jack Williams
July 14, 2015 @ 2:23 pm
Yeah, but this isn’t Chris Cornell, Eddie Vedder and Billy Corgan doing this. I think those particular guys DO still have integrity. Sugar Ray was a cheeseball group from the git go, as I recall.
the pistolero
July 14, 2015 @ 3:34 pm
As do I. But you see how so many people are willing to put Judas Priest and Iron Maiden in the same boat as Warrant and Poison, while acting as if everyone in the ’90s music movements was beyond reproach…
Acca Dacca
July 15, 2015 @ 6:28 am
It’s not even that simple. It’s just CERTAIN people from the ’90s. Your average grunge fan pretty much thinks the world began and ended with that little tryst. I remember watching VH1’s Metal Evolution series a few years ago and there was an episode on grunge. Tellingly, the people interviewed in THIS episode were the ONLY ones of the ENTIRE series to talk shit about other bands or types of music. One woman, whom I think was a musician, even blatantly said that grunge was “so obviously better than what was being put out at the time.” Then of course the show moved on past the two to three year window of “authentic” grunge and on to the erroneously labeled “post-grunge” bands, and the second round of hate began. What I took away from it was that these people think the only good music ever made was during this period that amounts to a flash in the pan in terms of musical time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZgIIdcyeK4
The problem with grunge and its fans, along with hipsters and other such mindsets that involve irony or cynicism as a cornerstone, is that there’s really no way to win. If you criticize what it is, you just “don’t get it.” If you criticize what it isn’t, it’s “self-aware” and thus immune to such complaints. It’s quite ingenious when you break it down; an almost air-tight way to suffocate even the most intelligent of arguments without actually addressing the points being made. I like a little bit of it all; I love the virtuosity and hooks of ’80s metal, but hate the sexism and silly outfits. I love the darkness/edge and emotion of grunge but hate the self-importance and often bland compositions. Same goes for pretty much every other rock movement. What we really need is a blender, not more sub-genre lines.
the pistolero
July 15, 2015 @ 8:22 am
That’s some quite astute analysis there, Acca Dacca, for the most part. Seems like so many of those folks, at least the fans, have an overinflated sense of self-importance regarding the music of that era, i.e., “My generation’s music was the BEST EVER!” Not only that, they were also probably all-too-willing to judge all the music that came before solely on the bad stuff. I actually saw this on another blog recently, where a fan of ’90s country was seemingly judging all ’80s metal on Poison and Warrant. I mean, really? Sure, you get to do that, but if you do, you don’t get to bitch and be taken seriously when people say ’90s country sucked because of Bryan White and Neal McCoy.
I should note that I don’t really like the ’90s grunge/alternative thing because I mostly found it all boring as shit compared to the speed & instrumental virtuosity of ’80s metal, but that’s pretty much the extent of it. Funny thing about that is, though, that ’90s grunge/alternative was the music of my generation. I graduated from high school in 1996 and didn’t really dig into other genres till years later.
Not sure about the blender bit, though, unless you’re talking about on the main genre level as opposed to blending all the genres together…
Acca Dacca
July 15, 2015 @ 9:39 am
Exactamundo. Unfortunately the faces of any given genre often form the most popular (mis) perceptions. For instance, most of us think of mainstream country music in 2015 as just FGL and Sam Hunt; not quite true but not quite wrong. As with most issues, the answer lies somewhere a little closer to the middle. Part of the problem with ’80s metal, particularly of the hair variety, is that it’s aged SO badly. Grunge also had a sense of fashion about it, but it was mostly an “I don’t care, dress like a bum” aesthetic. There’s always people like that; I’m not too sure when the last time was that I saw a man that wanted to be perceived as an overtly masculine bad boy dress in drag. I like Mötley Crüe, though; “Home Sweet Home” and a few others aside, they had a sense of menace and edge that most other hair bands didn’t. They were corny, yes, but at least they knew when to ROCK.
Though I’m a bit younger than you, it’s basically the music of my generation as well, though more of the “post-grunge” variety. I think the problem a lot of metalheads such as yourself have with grunge is that musicianship takes a back seat to emotion; you’re supposed to care more about the fact that the singer hates everyone than the guitar riffs.
As for the blender, I meant purely in terms of latter day rock, given that the fanbases are so disparate. Subgenres just choke music; not that there isn’t any benefit to designating a particular offshoot of a particular style as its own entity, but it breeds hate where there doesn’t need to be any. Some bands make similar music, some don’t. My least favorite subgenre designation that I’ve hinted at here and elsewhere is the “post-grunge” monicker, which amounts to just another attempt by grunge fans to posit their music as superior. Here’s the thing: “post-grunge” is basically just grunge, with pretty much the exact same benefits and trappings. Some of it was more commercially-minded, but then again so was later hair metal like the bands you mentioned. Does that make Warrant and Poison “post-hair metal”? Of course not. This is the other side of the current country music debate: whereas we WANT to hear those past influences in our music, grunge fans resented them in the newer material. Despite the fact that it was basically the same, albeit a tad more radio-friendly for a few bands, the “post-” label was slapped on pretty much every band from that era, and even some from the mid- to late-2000s like Daughtry. That’s just plain ridiculous. If you played mainstream rock and roll after 1991 with the slightest bit of cynicism or darkness you were post-grunge, accept no substitutes.
The biggest problem with the label and also subgenres as a whole is that there aren’t any clearly defined nor widely agreed-upon parameters. It was mostly just an issue of timing; despite forming in 1985, Stone Temple Pilots’ first album didn’t drop until 1992, so they were lumped into post-grunge. Same with Candlebox. God forbid you come any later; Creed formed in 1993 but didn’t release their first album until 1997. Of course, as is the common complaint, Creed and other such bands have a few traits that are seen as take-offs from “real” grunge, principally the “yarling” vocal style. It apparently never occurred to any grunge fans that the yarl didn’t star with Eddie Vedder or even their genre. Layne Staley of AIC as the first to use that style in the mainstream grunge explosion in 1990, nevermind the fact that Jim Morrison affected in a similar fashion, as did Ray Charles and our own George Jones, among others. Good thing they didn’t pop up in the ’90s or they might have been “post-grunge.”
I’m not saying there weren’t any copycats, but I sincerely believe that certain bands of that ilk actually pulled those vocals from a real place. For instance, Creed’s singer claimed that he came into his own voice when singing in a black church where they encouraged him to use “soul” in his sound a la Ray Charles. If we remove his vocals from the music, it’s basically just pop rock like its always existed, with a hint of darkness. People who say all of these later bands ripped off the others on principle (particularly Pearl Jam) haven’t pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to actually listen. The irony, of course, being that many grunge fans complain about a lack of innovation with the style, calling it derivative at the same time as “horrible.” Well, if it’s completely derivative and doesn’t do anything new, doesn’t that imply that your “original” music is “horrible” as well by default? If Creed is a dead ringer for Pearl Jam and they’re one of the “worst bands of all time,” does it not follow that Pearl Jam is as well given that Creed is apparently so bereft of its own identity that it wouldn’t even exist without the former? It doesn’t make any damn sense.
Back to my timeline example, I’ve talked with numerous “authentic” grunge fans and haven’t spoken with a single one that can identify any deficient traits about so-called “post-grunge” bands that aren’t shared by the “real” bands; not one. A spike in the yarling vocal style often comes up, but given that pretty much all of the “real” grunge bands did that at one time or another, Kurt Cobain included, how’s that a criticism? It’s a completely hollow and unsublte double standard, and a haphazard one at that. Basically what it comes down to is the year a given band appeared. A great example I love to use in my argument is that of Mötley Crüe; in the ’90s, they fired Vince Neil. They got a man by the name of John Corabi to replace him, and he lasted for one album and an EP. With Corabi, the Crüe attempted to reformat their sound to fit the times, and basically made a grunge record that they released as a self-titled album in 1994. It tanked with fans and critics; no one wanted to hear grunge from a veteran hair band, and others wanted the old sound back. I ask grunge vs. “post-grunge” warbirds if that album and its songs were grunge or post-grunge, and none of them can agree because the band’s history throws the timeline template out of whack. The band had been around and the sound was vibrant and of-the-time, so how should they be placed if we are to judge them “worthy” or not? Give a listen to the opening track and tell me what you think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07zUEREwk0Y
Honestly, I think all of that “post-grunge” nonsense came from a lack of closure. It’s my theory that, unlike other fads that run their course, grunge just imploded overnight similar to the way it appeared and left many of those fans in the lurch and thinking anyone else a pretender to the throne. Kurt Cobain killed himself, Alice In Chains dissolved, Soundgarden broke up, Pearl Jam went on its indie crusade against ticketmaster; the old guard was vanishing. As happens with any fad, new bands crop up with similar sounds to fill the void. We can’t expect every artist to reinvent the wheel, so why hold it against them? If you don’t like them, move on; you tried on the pants and they didn’t fit. Grunge fans didn’t move on, and they didn’t embrace anyone new. Another component of this problem was the aesthetic of grunge itself: it was innately self-destructive and too insular and anti-authority for its own good. This led to everyone turning their guns on each other, so to speak. It was really a no-win situation for these newer bands: sound like grunge? We hate you for it. Sound like some other type of rock? You’re not the music we’re looking for. Sigh.
Mötley Crüe is much different than Alice In Chains, and both are different from Creed; I love all three. The blender comment was simply the idea of taking the best parts of these subgenres and combining them, not further separating the fanbases with grudges that are mostly unfounded.
Heavy Metal Cowboy
July 14, 2015 @ 6:00 pm
This is gonna sound off topic but 80s metal kills 90s grunge-alternative anyday, you see more 80s revival bands today than 90s if that says anything, I’m just not sure which you like lol.
the pistolero
July 14, 2015 @ 6:14 pm
Yep, I’ll take most ’80s metal over ANYTHING from the ’90s. Priest, Maiden, Metallica, Dio, Queensrÿche…fuck yeah, dude.
Paul
July 15, 2015 @ 7:33 am
These bands, yes. The likes of Motley Crue, Guns N Roses, late 80s Whitesnake (I love early 80s Whitesnake) – hell no!
Jason
July 14, 2015 @ 2:18 pm
This is beyond bad… But the worst thing isn’t the lazy writing, or the production that drowns out their voices to the point where I can’t understand half of what they’re saying. It’s their grating voices. It honestly gives me a headache listening to these hacks try to hold a single note. I can’t believe that these are all well-established singers. This song is audio hell.
Melissa
July 14, 2015 @ 2:45 pm
Could be worse… could be Deep Blue Something. 😛
I actually can’t listen to this thing in my area – for once I thank Canada’s dumb laws for saving my ears – but imagining a worse, slightly “countrified” version of Sugar Ray is enough. As for worst “country” song ever, I’m not sure this or anything else could beat out that “you’re a dick-ulous” song. Yeesh. :/
the pistolero
July 14, 2015 @ 5:33 pm
Like I’ve said before, if all they had in common was that they liked that damn movie, what the hell were they doing together in the first place?
Shit, but that song got old fast.
Ballgame
July 14, 2015 @ 3:15 pm
The song is awful, but paraphrasing that it is taking off on XM The Highway is a misrepresentation. While it was seeing some airplay a few weeks ago, it has trailed off to almost zero spins as the listening audience overwhelmingly rejected it.
DaveG
July 14, 2015 @ 4:49 pm
Not true, its now on the top 45 weekend countdown, as of sunday.
According to the wsj, that’s the first test for highway finds (making it to the countdown).
Harrison
July 14, 2015 @ 3:53 pm
I never thought I would say this… But I hope feminists rise up in rage saying that this objectifies women. That’s the only way I see this coming down. It’s just a shitty song more than anything but I want it gone. Absolutely fucking terrible music. Thats all I can say
Ron
July 14, 2015 @ 4:52 pm
The one hopeful sign is that nearly all the YouTube comments are negative. For other crappy songs there are usually more positive comments. No one seems to like this one.
Maybe this one goes the way of Stephan Tyler’s country effort.
Scotty J
July 14, 2015 @ 5:07 pm
Just heard an ad on the radio that these yahoos along with Eve 6 are going to be in concert at a casino not far from me on July 25. The Indian casino circuit really is the port of last call for past their prime acts.
Shastacatfish
July 14, 2015 @ 11:26 pm
Man, Eve 6 brings back some memories. Try as I want to, I can’t bring myself to dislike them. They, along with Pinto Bennett and a few other eclectic entries, soundtracked one of the most epic ski trips to Elko, Nevada you could possibly imagine.
Bear
July 15, 2015 @ 1:11 am
I thought the country fair circut was the last stop until I was at an Allman brothers show at Conoctai Harbor in northern CA and they had a concert ad poster for Poison playing in the “main lounge”. LOL!
Shastacatfish
July 15, 2015 @ 7:26 am
Your original point about country fairs still stands. Konocti was a well established and respected venue until it closed back in 2007. I saw Hank Jr and Chris Isaac there right before it closed and I remember friends going up there to see Brooks and Dunn and such in the mid to late 90’s before I was listening to country. As you experienced, there were plenty of rock acts playing there too. Rumor has it that it will reopen soon.
Bear
July 15, 2015 @ 10:41 am
As a side note they had the worst and by default greatest mini golf I’ve course I’ve ever played. It was so run down and shot that strategy was pointless.
Scotty J
July 15, 2015 @ 8:16 am
I don’t know at least here in western Washington the fairs seem to have far better or at least more current performers compared to some of the acts you see at the many casinos scattered throughout the hinterlands. Maybe it’s just a regional thing.
Bear
July 15, 2015 @ 10:44 am
Well sometimes the county fairs around here have forgotten legends come though. The Pleasanton County Fair one year had Bo Diddley. But usually you get Tower Of Power, Huey and the News, Joan Jett, Smash Mouth etc.
Tunesmiff
July 14, 2015 @ 5:12 pm
Some of your best run-on sentences, Sir~ a rant for the ages…
Can I offer my “guns” to make this a “FOUR guns way down” review?
ActivePuck
July 14, 2015 @ 7:34 pm
Trigger, there IS a god. You know why?
The video won’t play in my country. Truly some deity of sorts is protecting me.
The rest of you will have eternal damnation or something. 😉
Big Cat
July 14, 2015 @ 8:23 pm
“like an aggressive and puss-oozing venereal rash destined to repopulate to pestilence levels ”
Just can’t make that shit up! Great piece. I’m refusing to listen for at least a few more days while I muster up the strength. Good work Trig
MOreb
July 14, 2015 @ 11:51 pm
What the hell is that weird buzzing in the background for the first eleven or twelve seconds? It sounds like what happens when an AV receiver gets screwy and starts dumping crap into a subwoofer until you reset the damn thing. Seriously.
Bear
July 15, 2015 @ 1:08 am
Oh man that comment had me laughing for a good thirty seconds. And now all I hear is that buzzing.
Shastacatfish
July 14, 2015 @ 11:52 pm
OK, I had no idea how prescient I was when I joked that Better Than Ezra was back on the radio when Trigger posted his review of Jake Owen’s “Real Life” (you talk a good game Jake, but good grief do you put out some garbage). Little did I know that Ezra was about to make an appearance here himself, leaving a giant sonic turd pile to clean up. Honestly, it sounds like a rehash of Extra Ordinary.
This is bad, but it is not even country and, therefore, I think disqualified from the “worst of” list. For my money, it is some kind of tie between “Truck Yeah” and “Kick The Dust Up”. I will renew my earlier call for a new “worst country song” list, but done as a poll that we can all vote on. I think it would be an interesting process to see what comes out on the bottom.
Shastacatfish
July 15, 2015 @ 8:07 am
I listened to this nightmare again (its in the name of science, folks) and I am firmly convinced this would have been a hit in the abominable latter half of the 90’s. While this should be obvious considering who it is, the song itself is really reminiscent of of other tracks from that period like “Butterfly” by Crazy Town and drivel like that. It sounds like something that would have been played at one of my frat parties or at the college bars back then.
What I am really curious about is how late 90’s pop came to be regarded as country music. Looking at the ‘hits’, there is certainly a progression moving in that direction but who thought there was a need for a Blink 182 revival in Nashville? From this perspective, Trig’s point about gatekeepers is very good. It seems the current writing cabal has carte blanche and they are intent on reliving the 90’s and taking all of us along for the ride. This is so weird.
In the end, I think the biggest problem in country music is that it has reoriented itself to teenagers and people in their early 20’s. It used to be that country music was the haven adult perspective, maturity and life experiences. Whether you were 25 or 85, songs about life, family, loves won and lost, the perils of sinful life and the redemption that can come had a common appeal. There was a certain timelessness, agelessness and universality about it. That is gone now and replaced our culture’s (nod to Trigger’s monogenre theory here) obsession with youth. In this context, the worst offender here is Keith Urban and ‘John Dork’ or whatever that song is. The last thing country music needs a metrowimp from Downundah who is almost 50 singing about never getting old and never growing up. To him and the dorks of Uncle Ezra Ray and every other contributor to this horrid epoch of country music, I say “grow up”!
Scotty J
July 15, 2015 @ 8:32 am
Yes we have definitely lost the sense of timelessness. The songs of this era will not stand the test of time even for there fans because they will be ‘of this time’ rather than universal as you say. One of the greatest things about country music is that you can listen to a Jones or Haggard song from decades ago and still relate to it and feel it but sadly those days are gone from the mainstream stars. Instead people will look back and laugh at the crappy Florida Georgia Line songs or the pathetic attempts by once reputable performers to chase the trends in an effort to hang on. It really is the clearest example of how country music is now defacto rock music as this thread shows with people mocking the 1990s crappy music. The same will be happening even with the fans of this stuff in a few years.
Shastacatfish
July 15, 2015 @ 8:45 am
I think you are right about everything except the song “Cruise”. For good or ill, that song was so ubiquitous it became a part of the warp and woof of people lives at a given time. Too many vacations, trips, gatherings and memories will be linked to that particular song for it to totally fade away. People might get tired of FGL but that song, because of the sentimental nature of it, will persist. This is, of course, ironic, because country music has lost its timelessness.
Acca Dacca
July 15, 2015 @ 6:16 am
The era of rants returns! Well, that didn’t take too long…
Paul
July 15, 2015 @ 7:22 am
The song being called “B.Y.H.B” was bad enough but knowing it stands for “Bring Your Hot Body” is confirmation that I have zero interest in hearing this song.
As an Irish man, I have always had an affinity for country music. It is very popular here, so seeing what is happening in the genre makes me sad and angry. I do hope it is but a phase (like the much (rightly) maligned hair metal phase. Let this “bro country” nonsense be consigned to history to be remembered as a tiny blotch in the history of country music.
Remember, form is temporary but class is permanent. Bro country will be forgotten while the classics (Merle, Hank, George and co) will live on in the minds and hearts of true country fans.
Atlantic city
July 15, 2015 @ 9:02 am
I went to you tube tube to read some of the comments about this “song” one guy wrote, Twenty-one seconds, that’s how far I made it, LMAO!
Chris M
July 16, 2015 @ 5:25 pm
If these were a bunch of 20-something year olds trying to break through in the music industry, I would hate this song.
But the fact that this is the inexplicably desperate attempt of three 40 year old washed up has been 90s pop-rockers trying to stay relevant…….. Well, all I can do is just point and laugh. This song is hilarious in its awfulness
ellie
July 16, 2015 @ 5:47 pm
the sugar ray guy was the one who did an interview awhile back saying country music is where pop stars go to die
Chris
July 18, 2015 @ 5:35 am
LOL Another so bad it’s laughable bro-country song from FGL wannabees. Worst and cheesiest lyrics ever. Someone should do a mashup with this and Girls on Bars.
Jimbo
August 21, 2015 @ 10:43 am
holy shit this is terrible. Its like a collaboration of every FGL song ever made.
a hey a hey, a what a what ??
jesus chirst.