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- Galleywinter's Favorites of 2014
Just when you thought you’d seen it all, a feminine products company out of North Carolina called “Ocean Breeze” announced Thursday they are launching a new line of products pandering to the country world. Yes, country music is officially going….there.
“In answer to the amount of douches making their way these days playing country music, we thought we’d launch a signature line of douches to cater to our country clientele,” explains Ocean Breeze representative Yolonda Frankenfurter. “We’re huge country music fans here at Ocean Breeze, and we wanted to pay tribute to some of our favorite country music personalities by putting their mugs on our products.
This ain’t your grandmother’s douche, so to speak. Put the fiddles, steel guitars, vinegar and water mixes, and bulky, awkward applicators away. Our new country line features hip fragrances and stylish applicators for the new generation of country fans to show their country music pride.”
For the man that likes to get in touch with his feminine side, and touch his feminine side in a feminine way, comes “Luke: The Douche For Men…and Women.” Confused? Then “Luke” is the right douche for you. Curious? Then “Luke” is DEFINITELY the right douche for you. Like writing the words to the Star Spangled Banner on your hand, it’s our secret.
The heavy duty, industrial-strength selection from the country douche line. Consider it the fire hose of feminine products, the howitzer of hygiene. Comes in two scents: “Dirt Road Rose,” and “Country Rap Raspberry.” Oh, and it can be used as an enema as well! Recommended for women who like to hit on married men in hip LA night spots on the Sunset Strip.
For the distinguishing, upscale, urban consumer, or white trash riff raff that wish they were, we offer “Gilbert, by Brantley.” It’s the douche that’s too cool to communicate in complete sentences, even if it could construct them. Its like Affliction T-shirts and Axe body spray for the other half. Comes in a sleek bottle in a “Richie Sambora guitar solo” scent.
Upcoming Country Music Douches by Ocean Breeze:
- “A Hint of Trace” by Trace Adkins
- “The Douche Shooter” by Shooter Jennings (feat. Bucky Covington)
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