Oct
25

Ocean Breeze Making Signature Line of Country Douches

October 25, 2012 - By Trigger  //  News  //  7 Comments

Just when you thought you’d seen it all, a feminine products company out of North Carolina called “Ocean Breeze” announced Thursday they are launching a new line of products pandering to the country world. Yes, country music is officially going….there.

“In answer to the amount of douches making their way these days playing country music, we thought we’d launch a signature line of douches to cater to our country clientele,” explains Ocean Breeze representative Yolonda Frankenfurter. “We’re huge country music fans here at Ocean Breeze, and we wanted to pay tribute to some of our favorite country music personalities by putting their mugs on our products.

This ain’t your grandmother’s douche, so to speak. Put the fiddles, steel guitars, vinegar and water mixes, and bulky, awkward applicators away. Our new country line features hip fragrances and stylish applicators for the new generation of country fans to show their country music pride.”

“Luke” by Luke Bryan

 

For the man that likes to get in touch with his feminine side, and touch his feminine side in a feminine way, comes “Luke: The Douche For Men…and Women.” Confused? Then “Luke” is the right douche for you. Curious? Then “Luke” is DEFINITELY the right douche for you. Like writing the words to the Star Spangled Banner on your hand, it’s our secret.

 

 

 

 

“The Jason Aldean”

 

The heavy duty, industrial-strength selection from the country douche line. Consider it the fire hose of feminine products, the howitzer of hygiene. Comes in two scents: “Dirt Road Rose,” and “Country Rap Raspberry.” Oh, and it can be used as an enema as well! Recommended for women who like to hit on married men in hip LA night spots on the Sunset Strip.

 

 

 

“Gilbert” by Brantley

 

For the distinguishing, upscale, urban consumer, or white trash riff raff that wish they were, we offer “Gilbert, by Brantley.” It’s the douche that’s too cool to communicate in complete sentences, even if it could construct them. Its like Affliction T-shirts and Axe body spray for the other half. Comes in a sleek bottle in a “Richie Sambora guitar solo” scent.

 

 

 

 

Upcoming Country Music Douches by Ocean Breeze:

  • “A Hint of Trace” by Trace Adkins
  • “The Douche Shooter” by Shooter Jennings (feat. Bucky Covington)

7 Comments to “Ocean Breeze Making Signature Line of Country Douches”

  • Did Hank3 play drums on that new Junior Brown that was just released?

       1 likes

  • Ha. Im gonna rush right out and buy some “Luke” for my special lady. Thanks for the laugh, Trig. I needed it today.

       1 likes

  • ROFLMAO. I love your humor.

       1 likes

  • Funny stuff! Your description of The Jason Aldean made me laugh the hardest, especially the part about it being used for enemas. :D

       1 likes

  • funny stuff but should have gave mentions to chesney,rascal flatts,keith urban,hunter hayes and justin moore.

       2 likes

  • I think Ocean Breeze should also jump into the political realm quickly to tap into Presidential fever! On the right shelf you could have “The Mitt” douche with the bottle looking like a sterling silver flask that would normally contain…um sparkling grape juice! On the left shelf would be “The Obama Choom Gang” douche with the bottle shaped like a bong! For export to the Middle East would be the special Obama signature “Hussein” edition with the bottle shaped like a hookah pipe for group douche sessions in the harem tent! The possibilities are endless…

       1 likes

  • HAHAHA Nice! I have to admit I cringed a little at the cheap shot taken at Jason Aldean in the last line though lol

       1 likes

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