Alright folks, so here we go! If you’ve never done this before, this is an exercise for old souls to find solace in humor from the ridiculousness that is a country music awards show. As the icon on the left tells you, this is “country music’s biggest night.” So we’ll make sure that ALL the perspectives on country music get their say. Please feel free to check back and refresh your browser as the blog is updated in real time. And everyone is encourage to leave their feedback or snarky remarks below.
We’ll also be leaving thoughts on Twitter.
Now touch gloves.
10:10 I think this new “Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award” is a huge deal, and a very positive thing for the CMA Awards. Hypothetically, every year the award show will now honor a country great from the past, as long as it doesn’t get corrupted like so many other things in country music.
I had a feeling it was Blake Shelton’s year for Entertainer of the Year, but it may mean a flocking to reality show positions for big name country talent. Blake doesn’t have a big hit record or hit song. Jason Aldean probably deserved it from a commercial standpoint, but was probably hindered by his cheating scandal that broke right when the final votes were being cast.
The big surprise of the evening was Little Big Town. Basically from the strength of one incredibly stupid song, they took home two big awards. It may be time to pay closer attention to what they’re all about.
THANK YOU to everyone for reading, commenting, re-tweeting, etc., and for helping me make this thing somewhat bearable to watch!
10:02 – THANKS everyone for stopping by, I’m going to type out some final observations and be out of here…
9:59 – Blake Shelton won not for being a country star, but for his reality show work on The Voice. Trust me.
9:58 – Blake Shelton wins 2012 CMA for Entertainer of the Year.
9:56 – Reba McEntire is more man than Hunter Hays will ever be.
9:54 – Funny observation from Twitter: “Willie already has figured out how to turn that award into a bong.”
9:51 – Willie Nelson gets first ever Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award from the CMA. That is awesome! Really surprised and thrilled!
9:50 – This is pretty cool. Good for Willie!
9:49 – Wow! They’re letting Willie on stage!
9:45 – Wow, Mickey Raphael! What a concept to have someone who doesn’t need a teleprompter to remember the songs play Willie’s tribute!
9:41 – Having Lady Antebellum perform a Willie Nelson tribute is like having a Klansman plan the MLK parade.
9:37 – …and my CMA predictions are back at .500. But don’t let that discourage you from subscribing to my fee-based sports betting site.
9:34 – Miranda Lambert wins CMA for Female Vocalist of the Year, and the screams from Carrie Underwood fans measure 4.3 on the Richter scale.
9:33 – Why is Kenny Chesney singing about a commode? Screw it, it’s catchy.
9:29 – Like with all Kenny Chesney performances, when you are watching him, you should constantly remind yourself that under that hat he is so very tragically, terminally, and irreversibly bald. I mean there’s more hair on your newborn’s ass.
9:27 – Another funny Twitter observation from Brad Beheler: “I thought a guy was dressed as Zac Brown for Halloween last night, but it turned out he was just homeless.”
9:25 – Funny observation from the fake Kenny Rogers on Twitter: “I have a really bad feeling we’re about three years away from the Black Eyed Peas winning a CMA Award.”
9:21 – Blake Shelton wins Male Vocalist of the Year. My predictions are now back in the black! http://www.savingcountrymusic.com/2012-cma-award-nominations-observations-predictions
9:18 – Vince Gill slumming… I mean performing with Kelly Clarkson. Got no problem with Kelly, but she doesn’t belong here.
9:11 – Jason Aldean needs to go back to hitting on reality show chicks on the Sunset Strip where he belongs.
9:10 Oh and now they’re thanking Jesus. Jesus would even kick their money changing asses.
9:07 – Little Big Town wins Group of the Year, and continues to rocket to the top of my shit list. Watch out Brantley, you’ve got company.
9:05 – Umm, is this song really appropriate Carrie? #sandy
9:02 – This song is not country, but at least Carrie Underwood can sing. Girl’s got some pipes.
8:56 – Right now there’s 40 people on Saving Country Music who went to Google trying to find out if Luke Bryan is gay. Duh people, of course he’s happy!
8:53 – Okay, choir filling the isles during Paisley song is a little weird. Again CMA’s, stick with what you do best: tits and explosions.
8:51 – Brad Paisley = Hard to hate. He’s one of the good guys amongst an industry full of bad ones.
8:49 – Wow, Hunter Hays beats out Brantley Gilbert for “New Artist of the Year”. Didn’t see that coming, but may be just as bad.
8:46 – Oh how I would love for the virtual birds on the screen behind Keith Urban to take a very real shit on his bleach blonde-highlighted brain pan.
8:44 – I don’t know what I hate about Keith Urban’s performance more, the canned drum beat, or that Zac Brown is hanging out with this queen.
8:40 – Hold on out there folks! The reward for sitting though all this garbage is a Willie Nelson tribute! Performed by Tim McGraw . . . . .and Lady Antebellum . . . . okay nevermind.
8:37 – I’d rather shit a knife then listen to Brantley Gilbert. The worst of the worst. The true enemy.
8:35 – Okay, back to being an asshole. Faith Hill and her mawkish ballads suck.
8:34 – Also, Hargus “Pig” Robbins whose featured on the new upcoming album by Sturgill Simpson, formerly of Sunday Valley!
8:32 – Marty Stuart with some face time on the CMA Awards! Giving credit to his wife Connie Smith, and new HOF member.
8:28 – Also interesting that Eric Church, the now reigning Album of the Year winner admitted in his acceptance speech that he was too rock for country, but thanked them for giving him a home.
8:26 – Going back to the Album of the Year for Eric Church’s “Chief”, I guess this was about the best case scenario we could hope for, with a close second being Miranda Lambert. So happy we crossed that hurdle without Luke Bryan or Lady Antebellu walking off with the hardware.
8:24 – Prove that Hunter Hays isn’t a 15-year-old-girl. You can’t.
8:21 – Eric Church wins Album of the Year for “Chief”, pulling my predictions up to 50/50.
8:19 – Hey ladies, if you like what you’re seeing, make sure to pick up Luke Bryan’s signature country douche! http://www.savingcountrymusic.com/ocean-breeze-making-signature-line-of-country-douches
8:12 – Yeah, so some ugly dude won some award having to do with playing an instrument or some crap? We’ll give him 4 seconds of face time before the Viagra commercial.
8:10 – Little Big Town look like they are underwater. If only we could be so lucky!
8:08 – Wow, can I tic tac toe these ass munchers out of my genre?
8:03 – Man this Taylor Swift setting is rife for awkward camera moments. How about just standing in front of a mic with a guitar?
8:00 – Brad Paisley paying tribute to Andy Griffith. Cool, but where’s the tits and explosions? This is the CMA’s after all!
7:56 – Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton win “Song of the Year” for “Over You”. Can’t put too much blame in a song written by the performing artists, and about that subject matter.
7:54 – Kellie Pickler = All class. Shaved her head, and then shaved it again to raise breast cancer awareness.
7:49 – Eric Church is the Terrell Owens of country music. He loves him some him. “Creepin'” is a much better song.
7:48 – Yes, those three folks sharing the same mic close enough to smooch are all siblings. Now if that ain’t country…
7:47 – Security! There’s a fiddle on the stage!
7:45 – Insert worn out joke about The Band Perry boys’ Hobbit haircuts here.
7:38 – Nothing says country like a spotlight right on a man’s crotch, overdriven guitars, and purple backgrounds
7:36 – Not a bad song Zach. Was that Dave Grohl on lead?
7:32 – In a ceremony held before the show, Zac Brown’s eyelid mole won for “Most Popular Country Feature You Want to Pick at Like a Scab.” Crazy, but 100% true.
7:27 – If liking a little arm chub is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But hey Miranda, this isn’t the Arena Rock Music Awards. Not only is her top recycled, so is her guitar riffs from Bon Jovi circa 1986.
7:25 – Thompson Square wins for Vocal Duo of the Year. The Civil Wars are now officially shut out of the 2012 awards.
7:23 – Don’t worry, Jake Owen used EVERY part of the endangered cheetah he killed to make his coat.
7:22 – Yes McGraw, sling that guitar behind your back, because you couldn’t make a G-chord if it meant permanently being done with Mike Curb.
7:20 Tim McGraw singing some song other than “Truck Yeah” since it went over like a poop in the punch bowl. Got to admit, nobody looks better in a plastic hat!
7:17 – Little Jimmy Dickens and hot nurses! Okay, maybe it’s not all that bad.
7:15 – For once, I am thankful for commercials.
7:13 – A song about boats and blowing into tits just one single of the year (that being Little Big Towns’ “Pontoon”). Be proud country music!
7:10 – Yes! The country industry shows their empathy for the victims of Sandy by throwing a ridiculously extravagant and excessive party whose budget equals the GDP of your average African country.
7:09 – Alright, that was a pretty funny joke about Willie Nelson being disqualified for doping.
7:07 – Hey look, there’s Sugarland, everyone watch your heads!
7:05 – Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley usher in the formation of the mono-genre by doing the Gangam-style dance.
7:03 – Just remember every time you see Luke Bryan tonight, don’t forget his controversy from the ACM Awards when he was disqualified for having a vagina. http://www.savingcountrymusic.com/luke-bryan-loses-male-video-award-for-having-a-vagina
6:58 – So far I am 0 for 1 for my CMA predictions. Thought the Civil Wars & Swift would win for musical performance. You can see all my predictions HERE. I also predicted that if “Red Solo Cup” won for Video of the Year, we’d see more fake viral videos.
6:55 – So a few awards have already been handed out. Perfume Magnate Tim McGraw and the Yoda-headed Kenny Chesney already won for “Musical Event of the Year” beating out Willie Nelson and Snoop Dog, The Civile Wars and Taylor Swift among others
Also, Toby Keith won for “Best Video” for “Red Solo Cup”.