If Pop Country Stars Had To Find Other Jobs

So many of pop country’s celebrities have such a vacuous amount of life skills, without being propped up as pretty faces by the country music industry, they’d be clueless in the real world. Others probably have some skills outside of singing into Auto-tuners at concerts, and that’s probably what they should be doing instead of trying to be artists.

Always wanting to be helpful here at Saving Country Music, we have compiled some ideas/suggestions of what some big pop country stars could do if they had to find other employment.


justin-moore

Star: Justin Moore

Profession: Jockey

Yes, because he’s barely tall enough to ride the Tilt-A-Whirl, and is no more than 95 pounds soaking wet. Gotta work what God gave you.

 

 

 

joe-diffie

Star: Joe Diffie

Profession: Mall Cop

“No Mr. Diffie, no need to cut the mullet or shave the mustache. You’ll fit right in here at The Shops at Westcreek.”

 

 

 

 

gary-levox

Star: Gary LeVox of Rascal Flatts

Profession: Gynecologist / Youth Minister / Celebrity Chef / Professional Karaoke Singer

I know, quite a breadth of professions. But with hair that great, the possibilities are endless!

 

brantley-gilbert

Star: Brantley Gilbert

Profession: MMA-World Ball Sack Sniffer

He can pump iron and down copious amounts of steroids, but doesn’t have the instincts or smarts to actually handle it mono e mono in the octagon. So he stands in a corner with a towel thrown over his shoulder, holding a water bottle, waiting to wipe up a nosebleed and maybe pick off a sloppy second groupie stumbling away from one of the contenders.

 

 

brian-kelley-florida-georgia-line

Star: Brain Kelley of Florida Georgia Line

Profession: Mannequin / Wallflower

Doesn’t really sing, doesn’t really play guitar. This dude does less than Congress.

 

 

 

 

colt-ford

Star: Colt Ford

Profession: Grimmace at McDonaldland / Transvestite Truck Driver

I don’t know what mental image is more disturbing: Colt Ford cooped up in a big purple suit (just imagine the butt sweat), or his rippling thighs confined by fishnets, with a dash of eau de toilette perfuming his pasty inner thighs. (Worth noting he tried his hand at professional golf for a while.)

 

 

luke-bryan

Star: Luke Bryan

Profession: Male Stripper

You may want to check the ID’s on some of those girls, Luke.

 

 

gretchen-wilson

Star: Gretchen Wilson

Profession: Leg Breaker / Diesel Mechanic

She can beat you at arm wrestling, or strip down an engine and machine your headers all before lunch.

 

 

 

dave-haywood-lady-antebellum

Star: Dave Haywood of Lady Antebellum

Profession: Non-threatening male elementary school teacher / puppeteer

Has there ever been a more emasculated star in the history of country music?

 

 

 

 

 

jason-aldean-baseballStar: Jason Aldean

Profession: Roided-out, AA-level, baseball wash out

Aldean actually almost went to college on a baseball scholarship and had some moderate skills in that direction. Our ears could’ve only been so lucky….

 

 

 

kenney-chesney

Star: Kenney Chesney

Profession: Sandals / flowery shorts model

Oh great, yet another damn song about hanging out on the beach. And what the hell’s going on in this photo? Does he even have pants on?

 

 

 

 

blake-shelton-435

Star: Blake Shelton

Profession: Manure Shoveler

After all, isn’t that what his initials stand for?