10 Predictions for Steven Tyler’s Country Music Career
Hey, Saving Country Music is advocating that listeners actually wait to hear the upcoming country music record from Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler before passing judgement upon it. But you can’t help but appreciate the strange thought of Steven Tyler as a country star, so let’s take a second to try and predict what actually might happen once Steven Tyler officially goes country.
1. Vince Gill mistakenly thinks Steven Tyler is Bonnie Raitt as he introduces Tyler for his Grand Ole Opry debut.
“You mean she’s actually that guy from Aerosmith?” Gill embarrassingly says to the sold out Opry crowd.
2. Steven Tyler is inadvertently heard asking Scott Borchetta, “Who the hell is Hank Williams?” into a cued up mic before the official start of a Big Machine press conference at the Country Music Hall of Fame formally announcing Tyler’s country record.
“He’s the guy that did the Monday Night Football theme for all those years and called Obama a Nazi,” Borchetta replies in a hushed tone.
3. Steven Tyler and Bobby Bones bond on-air about their respective country music carpetbagging conquests.
“Hell Bobby, it was just two short years ago that you were interviewing me at the Clear Channel KISS-FM affiliate down in Austin,” Steven Tyler says to Bobby on the biggest ever syndicated country morning show. “Now we’re both rolling naked in money and suckling on that sweet, sweet country music tit! Ain’t that somethin’ brother, haha!”
4. The “Jaws of Life” are deployed to the set of a Steven Tyler country music video taping after his numerous scarves get stuck in a piece of farm machinery.
Tyler later poses for pictures with the members of the local volunteer fire department who were deployed to the incident. Tyler’s also rumored locally to have had sex with a donkey while on location.
5. Steven Tyler accidentally deflowers Hunter Hayes while trying to help him adjust a wireless mic backstage at the ACM Awards.
“Does this mean I get to open for you on tour, Mr. Tyler?” Hunter says in a whimper.
6. Steven Tyler is surprised on the Grand Ole Opry stage by Rascal Flatts who invite Tyler to become the storied institution’s newest member.
“Man, I’ve wanted this honor for my entire last two weeks after reading up on the Opry on Wikipedia,” Tyler says. Later Tyler scratches a crude rendition of the winged Aerosmith emblem into one of the Ryman Auditorium’s 120-year-old banisters with a cocaine knife.
7. Steven Tyler unhinges his jaw and accidentally swallows Carrie Underwood up to her waist during a duet of “Sweet Emotion” at the CMA Awards.
Underwood’s husband’s ‘L’-shaped hockey stick turns out to be the perfect tool to pry Carrie out of the bowels of Steven Tyler right before his digestive juices threaten to do irreparable damage to the songstress.
8. Steven Tyler reprises the role of Minnie Pearl for Brandy Clark’s Hee-Haw musical, price tag and all.
“He blew our talent budget all out of whack,” Brandy Clark tells Rolling Stone Country exclusively, “But he looked the part so perfectly.”
9. Steven Tyler’s country album actually has absolutely nothing to do with country music, but is simply called “country” for marketing purposes. He wears a cowboy hat on the cover.
10. Steven Tyler’s country album actually has absolutely nothing to do with country music, but is still more country than Sam Hunt.
March 17, 2015 @ 6:45 pm
Good one Trigger!
March 17, 2015 @ 6:58 pm
My prediction is that during Tyler’s press conference announcing his country album, Waylon kicks in the door, grabs Tyler by the throat, and the two are never seen again.
March 17, 2015 @ 7:41 pm
Tyler’s album has nothing to do with country music, but he name drops Lady Antebellum to establish his credibility. in his lead single.
March 17, 2015 @ 8:54 pm
But Lady A is NOT Country either…Talented but NOT close to Country at all
March 17, 2015 @ 11:12 pm
That’s the joke.
March 17, 2015 @ 7:54 pm
Steven Tyler looks like the kind of man who wears to much cologne
March 20, 2015 @ 9:13 pm
I would be “worn” down by excessive cologne, too.
March 17, 2015 @ 8:03 pm
Man, that is seriously one of the funniest articles I’ve ever read here – and there’s been some seriously funny shit! 😀
March 17, 2015 @ 8:04 pm
It would have been good enough if you’d stopped after #1 – then 9 bonuses! Hell yea!
March 18, 2015 @ 8:41 am
#10 gave me the biggest laugh, but the whole thing is a hoot. 😀
March 17, 2015 @ 8:37 pm
Completely forgot about Hunter Hayes..
March 17, 2015 @ 9:07 pm
Steven Tyler looks like a desperate male hairdresser, whose efforts to remain relevant only have the opposite effect. The sad irony is, in reading about his memory of the Everly brothers and his decision to make this album, he probably has a better understanding of country’s origins than most of the yahoos on bobby bones playlist.
March 17, 2015 @ 10:53 pm
steven tyler is inducted to the country music hall of fame and cites luke bryan as a pioneer’
March 17, 2015 @ 11:14 pm
That’s a good one right there.
March 18, 2015 @ 12:08 am
GREAT list, but I would add:
11) Tyler’s “country” album (in that he recorded it in a country, namely the U.S.) is so successful that he announces that his next record will be a bluegrass album.
Seriously, where does this end? Can someone just record anything and tell people it is “country” and everyone says, “Ok”?
March 18, 2015 @ 1:12 am
“Seriously, where does this end? Can someone just record anything and tell people it is “country” and everyone says, “Ok”? ”
Apparently
I think what is troublesome is that people like Josh Turner , Easton Corbin , Alan Jackson , Loretta Lynn , Wade Bowen, George Strait , Vince Gill , Dwight , Sturgill , even , and so many other REAL country singers haven’t really uttered a thing en masse about what’s happening in terms of what it means to the genre …and , of course , their livelihoods . I mean , can you imagine THAT firepower uniting in a press conference or just a big concert somewhere and standing up for some sanity and common sense to prevail in terms of what is marketed as ” country ” ?
Yeah …I know there are a lot of factors involved….but man ..would it really be any different than when a union goes on strike to protect their jobs (and in this case ” the factory ” ) and speaks out against ” scabs” crossing their picket lines ? THERE IS NOTHING COUNTRY ABOUT SAM HUNT ! And yet Alan Jackson can’t get a song played on country radio . W-T-F ????? Alan Jackson ?
Man …these real artists should speak as one voice and address what’s happening – in a diplomatic manner , of course – cuz its THEIR careers at stake . How ’bout just a HUGE concert of REAL country music with huge promotion and let the message be the great music that’s been recorded over the years by the legends . They need to play a show of all that amazing music and the emotion and fabulous instrumentation would sell that stuff without saying a word about current mainstream country radio .
March 18, 2015 @ 7:26 am
The only problem with your scenario (which I completely agree with) is that most of those artists listed are too polite and respectful to hold a concert to call out their fellow artists. I would love to see it happen, but George Strait had Jason Aldean play at his final concert. I didn’t see Josh Turner present. Most of the listed artists aren’t rock the boat people. They play and sing and leave (most) politics alone. And worse, none of those artists are chart-toppers anymore. People listen (figuratively and literally) to chart-toppers. People will wrongly dismiss their complaints as Luddites unwilling to adapt to the new “country” music.
It is troubling.
March 18, 2015 @ 9:57 am
I think both the CMA and Billboard should be addressing this issue in a more proactive manner. If there’s going to be genre charts, there has to be some distinctions drawn in music.
March 18, 2015 @ 8:10 pm
I agree and suppose the problem is many of the radio and label people making country go pop are running or directing the CMA:
http://www.cmaworld/about-cma/board-of-directors/
Maybe some of the same people who got Billboard to change their chart rules to help country go pop.
We’ve already lost classic rock and now we’re losing the other best genre to pop.
March 18, 2015 @ 8:13 pm
Oops the link is http://www.cmaworld.com/about-cma/board-of-directors/
March 19, 2015 @ 7:23 am
Where have you been…many of these artist’s you mentioned have voiced LOUDLY their thoughts on WTH is going on now, but apparently has fallen on deaf ears. And honestly I believe if they come out in some sort of mass protest etc it will still have no impact since most of these wanna be country artists & their non educated fans would have no idea who those artists are. Trust me, I have been called out by many “Swifties” & Sam Hunt (barf) fans that I have no idea what country music is & I am a bitch. I will continue to ignore these type of idiots, listen to what I believe to be REAL country and support them all I can. The fans NEED to also push their support for these REAL country artists as well.
March 18, 2015 @ 4:22 am
Isn’t Aerosmith from Boston or some horrible place up that way? Boston, even more so than New York, is the antithesis of country music and its Southern roots.
March 18, 2015 @ 5:32 am
As a native Bostonian and life-long country music fan (the real stuff, not the crap that comes out of Nashville these days) I’d like to argue that point with you.
But of course I can’t, because you’re mostly correct.
However, there are plenty of areas of New England outside of Boston that are not the antithesis of country music. We may not have southern roots but head up to New Hampshire or out to western MA, even down into central RI and northern CT and you’ll be surprised how similar the lifestyle’s are (when we’re not buried under 10 feet of snow, of course).
March 18, 2015 @ 5:44 am
I have relatives from all over New England. My cousins lived in Western Mass, and their neighbor was essentially a redneck, even though he was a native of Mass. He had a garage full of muscle cars and a confederate flag on his wall, and every time I talked to him about his cars, he had a beer in his hand and was blaring Skynyrd on his stereo. Not that what I described is in any way “country,” or possibly its an imitation of how he imagined it, but at least in the hinterlands, beyond the influences of the cities, there are rural folks that are unlike the Massholes so common in and around Boston.
March 18, 2015 @ 6:09 am
Swap Hank Jr. for Skynyrd and you just described me during my single years.
Our cities are pretty much s**tholes, as far as I’m concerned. But then I’m planning to bug out and head to TN in the next few years so I’m not a typical Bostonian.
BTW, ‘Masshole’ is not considered an insult up here – we embrace the term! LOL
March 18, 2015 @ 6:33 am
“BTW, ”˜Masshole”™ is not considered an insult up here ”“ we embrace the term! LOL”
Oh, I’ve learned that. I’ve met numerous people from the Boston area, who have moved to other cities, and remarked to me that they had no idea how cold, nasty and miserable Bostonians were until they met people from other places who were actually friendly and genuinely nice. A few years ago, my wife and I were attending a wedding in Boston. One morning we took a walk, and as is customary in my neck of the woods, we said hello to people we passed. The first three people recoiled in horror, gave us dirty looks, and scurried away quickly, like we were going to rob them. The rest of our walk, we conducted a little experiment, and made a point to cheerily say hello to every person we passed. In a couple of hours, of the dozens of people we passed, only three returned our greeting. We surmised that they must have moved there from Cincinnati…
Another thing that gets me are the people who move from Boston, NYC, etc. and then talk about how terrible their adoptive home is. The refrain I hear from lots of Charlotte transplants is “well, the weather is great, but the libraries are nothing like we had in Boston, and the restaurants are nothing like we had in the North End, and the people all like NASCAR, and the zoning laws aren’t strong enough, my neighbor has an RV in his driveway, and we need to raise taxes because the schools are terrible, etc….” Did you move there because you hated it? The curse of the New Englanders is that they view themselves as the perfect people, and it is their job to correct all of the wrong ways of the rest of the country… This happens on more local levels, too, as Massholes flee the hell they created in Massachusetts, so they move to New Hampshire and have ended up running that state, or at least the southern third, as well….
March 18, 2015 @ 7:33 am
RD,
I have heard stories like that from my Southern friends on sports forums. The South is the last bastion of some old rights and now a plague of Yankees (The 11th plague if Pharaoh didn’t change his mind) is transforming the South since they ruined the North.
March 18, 2015 @ 11:29 pm
Just a correction about New Hampshire politics, which I have read about quite a few times in the past. The people moving from Massachusetts to New Hampshire are among the most conservative denizens of the Boston area, and Southeastern New Hampshire actually represents the conservative base of the state.
March 19, 2015 @ 6:58 am
Per usual, Eric has to chime in with information he’s read at Salon.com instead of acknowledging that some people who actually live in a place, or have significant roots in a place might know more than he knows. My Uncle is a Superior Court judge in New Hampshire. My aunt was a district court judge in New Hampshire for many years. My cousin was appointed to a cabinet post by the preceding governor of New Hampshire. I worked for a congressman and a US Senator from New Hampshire. That branch of my family has lived in New Hampshire for over 150 years. There was an idea that the Massholes fleeing to New Hampshire were conservatives fed up with the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts. There is no evidence to support this. The idea that because they might (and there is very little evidence to support even this) tend to vote more Republican means they are more conservative, is ridiculous. New Hampshire has shown streaks of social conservatism, but it has generally been more libertarian than truly conservative, like a Southern state. New Hampshire opposed the blasphemous King “holiday” for many years, and has had a number of strongly pro-life politicians, like Bob Smith. Obama won every county in New Hampshire in 2008 and 5 of the 6 southernmost counties in 2012. The consensus of each of my relatives and the dozens of other friends and acquaintances I have from New Hampshire, most of them liberals themselves, is that the influx of Massholes is pushing New Hampshire politics to the, and away from their traditional sentiments of strong property rights, strong gun rights, libertarian laws, and generally just wanting to be left alone. As I mentioned above, the New Englanders who move to other states, even if they consider themselves conservative, immediately start bitching about their new home, and immediately seek to recreate the hell that they just left….
March 18, 2015 @ 7:30 am
I live in Central Pennsylvania and there are plenty of people who fly the Confederate flag, not out of any genuine belief or respect for some brave men did fight for their freedom, but because they think it is “cool’ and showing their rebellion against the system. I am pretty dang conservative and I find it ridiculous. The Confederate flag has morphed into a generic symbol of rebellion.
March 18, 2015 @ 7:56 am
I have a shirt I purchased in Edinburgh with St. Andrew’s Cross emblazoned on the front. I occasionally get dirty looks from reconstructed morons when I wear it.
March 18, 2015 @ 10:12 am
Idk where you mean when you say central pennsylvania but I’m from Carlisle and I discovered a gem of a radio station the other day. Country gold radio…. I think it’s like 97.9 or something like that
March 18, 2015 @ 10:52 am
RD,
I have a bit of Scottish blood, so my genes hold some affection for the St. Andrew’s Flag. Most of my blood is English, thus I have the St. George’s flag flying in my possession and he is my patron saint. How was Scotland? I wish to visit Europe someday before old Europe is washed away by the tides of change.
Hunter,
My hometown is 15 minutes west of PSU (right in the middle of the state), but I attend college near Hershey. It is too bad there is not a radio station like that in State College!
March 18, 2015 @ 12:11 pm
I feel more at home in Scotland, Ireland, or Italy, for that matter, than I do in LA, New York, or Los Angeles.
March 18, 2015 @ 1:08 pm
Uhh! Reading that comment you said bout the transplants in Charlotte makes my blood boil. Same exact issue here. Yankees are ruining VA. It’s an outright invasion of them, especially in Northern VA (which already was a piss pot to begin with). But even here in Central VA they seem to be everywhere and I here the exact same complaints you just mentioned! A big one is, “There’s nothing to do here! What do you guys do here for fun?” Shit, I don’t know, go outside, take up a hobby, do something productive.
I know a lot of them move here because of career moves and such and that’s fine but just stop trying to change our culture and what we believe! If you don’t like it here then get out. You moved here, now assimilate or go back!
Nothern VA is a lost cause, it’s now Central Liberalstan. I sincerely believe it should be a separate state from the rest of VA. Just concede it to the Yanks and create a new border at the Rappahannock River.
And yes y’all, I know all Yankees ain’t bad people, some of y’all are just goddamn annoying. But, in the interest of fairness, some of y’all are pretty damn cool. Especially rural Midwestern Yanks. Them some good people right there.
March 19, 2015 @ 3:16 pm
So what exactly is wrong and “blasphemous” with a King holiday?
March 19, 2015 @ 3:36 pm
I find it profoundly hypocritical to advocate “live and let live” while at the same time demeaning Martin Luther King for his struggle against the Jim Crow police state.
March 23, 2015 @ 6:45 pm
Careful with that Axe, Eugene.
I believe even Trigger would stick up for this northern boy and his taste for real true country.
But I would never put him on that spot.
Peace,
L.T.
March 18, 2015 @ 4:42 am
I thought it was a joke, until number 4. He needs to watch those scarves or else someone needs to call OSHA on him–for his own good. 😉
He’ll be wanting to tie them up and down the handle of a pitchfork and prance around. I hope he wears approved safety shoes–those tines are sharp! 😛
March 18, 2015 @ 5:46 am
Number 10 – perfect.
March 18, 2015 @ 7:28 am
Funny but 2 & 5 are shaky. Tyler is an avid football and baseball fan. No. 5 seemed plausible until an image search produced photos of a Bieberish looking boy. Please see the song Pink for more details.
March 18, 2015 @ 9:14 am
Do you remember Mark Chesnutt’s version of “I don’t wanna miss a thing”? He spent 2 weeks at #1 back in 1999.I can’t wait to hear a duet between Mark & Steven! How ’bout “Bubba shot the jukebox 2016 edition “?
March 18, 2015 @ 9:42 am
Hahaha, that’s awesome! 😉
*
I’m self-aware of the fact he is signed with Big Machine, and it is for that reason why I’m sure they’ll push to make his lead single a hit and it will obviously get the “On The Verge” treatment.
But I’m quite confident he will be a one-and-done example. Because let’s face it: ageism is so prevalent in the industry and, at age 67, he’s just not going to bury his roots in the commercial genre’s soils.
Darius Rucker is living on borrowed time in the meantime, too, by pandering to hyper-trends……….and even he is two decades younger than him.
March 18, 2015 @ 8:00 pm
Classic rock goes well with country but I think Hootie’s style fits better than Aerosmith’s.
March 18, 2015 @ 10:08 am
He looks like an ugly girl. I’d say he ranks slightly below Kelly Clarkson in the female attractiveness category.
April 23, 2015 @ 10:03 pm
I want a thumbs down button.
March 18, 2015 @ 7:57 pm
LOL. I’m not opposed to anyone making a country album but similar to Kelly Clarkson, Tyler doesn’t even sound country as he has a screaming pop/rock voice. It will be interesting to hear how this album turns out. Better than country acts trying to sing Motley Crue songs I imagine.
March 18, 2015 @ 8:28 pm
Hey, I just thought of a great #11! 😉
*
11) ………oh, my bad. That “country” album I just alluded to that is only more country than Sam Hunt and little else, was actually his EP to precede the actual full-length debut album.
And the verdict on his full-length debut “country” album is………………..
O__O
(awkward silence)
…………well I’ll be! @.@
Damn, that dude wasn’t kidding. Much like Aaron Lewis accomplished with his solo full-length country album “The Road”. it’s………………..dare I say……………..(gulp)…………..(clears throat)…………….wow, this is awkward…………….that is to say……………..
…………….OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?!!! IT’S ONE OF THE MOST BONA-FIDE TRADITIONAL COUNTRY ALBUMS OF NOT JUST 2015, BUT THIS GENERATION! HANDS DOWN! UNPARALLELED! DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, DROP EVERYTHING, AND BUY. THIS. RECORD!!!!!
(calms down and clears throat)
Once LMFAO complete their inevitable crossover to country in 2019 and are minted Saving Country Music’s Album of the Year by yours truly…………..then I will have officially seen EVERYTHING!
*
😉
March 18, 2015 @ 10:48 pm
It’s hard not to think that one of the reasons why he joins Big Machine is because of Taylor Swift. He has openly shown his admiration of Taylor in the past and wants to work with her musically.
In fact other artists has spoken well of Taylor too lately. Just look at the recent interview of Eric Church with The Rolling Stone. Just Google it for the article…
March 18, 2015 @ 11:25 pm
If he wants to work with Taylor Swift to make a country album, he must be pretty far behind the times…
March 19, 2015 @ 9:11 am
You know, I recall that “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, the Aerosmith song from the late 1990s movie “Armageddon”, had a bit of a redneck vibe to it. Or at least the protagonists in the movie had a redneck attitude about them. Mark Chesnutt also covered the song as a country hit. I’d speculate that this might be a clue as to what a Steven Tyler “country” album might sound like.
March 18, 2015 @ 11:46 pm
I know,… but it doesn’t need to be “country”, he just want to “work” with her. 🙂
March 19, 2015 @ 9:39 am
#10 is funny.
March 19, 2015 @ 5:06 pm
I wonder what would happen if it was an actual country album?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
March 20, 2015 @ 7:44 pm
Steven may want to borrow the title from Dale Watson’s upcoming album.
March 20, 2015 @ 8:10 pm
Do you feel the ground moving? It is Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Ray Price, Tammy Wynette, George Jones, and Ernest Tubb rolling in their graves!
March 21, 2015 @ 8:58 am
Can this just not happen? Please? Maybe 20-30 years ago it would have been interesting, but now he’s completely out of his prime, can’t sing to save his life, and is egregiously obnoxious in every sense of the word. I hope this flops like every absurd look he’s trotted out there. He’s like mainstream music’s Eddie Izzard but with half the brain cells and none of the style.
March 23, 2015 @ 6:46 pm
Hey Tyler,
Walk this way, so I can kick you in the sack.
March 24, 2015 @ 2:25 pm
Why not? We already have hootie and the blowfish screwing up old crow tunes and Bon jovi pretending to be country. Any washed up 80s or 90s rock act can now claim to be country so why not Tyler? Oh yeah, that mess Trashville put out and called it Nashville outlaws? With rascal flats? Singing Mötley Crüe? Who cares. I have not listened to country radio in over twenty years. Genuine artists, like Corb Lund, Hellbound Glory, Jason Boland, Hank 3, Dallas Moore, and dozens more who Trashville would never play are carrying the torch. Let Bon blow me and the hootie fish have country radio. It’s dead anyway.
March 29, 2015 @ 3:46 pm
Taylor Swift’s parents are part owner of The Big Machine. Hence, that’s how the little darling got started in country music.
I am sick of all these non country music people racing to Nashville to get a record deal. I absolutely cannot stand Bro-country and number one on my list is that neon white toothed Luke Bryan. And so many more. They are multiplying like rabbits.
April 23, 2015 @ 9:40 pm
As ludicrous as this may be, it occurred to me today that we have Garth Brooks to blame for this. I was just letting my iPod roll today and a song that I had forgotten about came on. Chris Ledoux covering Garth Brooks covering Aerosmith’s Fever (still with me?) I had forgotten that Garth Brooks brought Aerosmith to country music radio. Then I remembered that don’t wanna miss a thing was also covered on country music radio. I have nothing against Aerosmith, Hootie, or Bon Jovi, but don’t think they belong on country music radio. But you know what, damn few country artists on country music radio do either so why not. I know. Let’s get an Ozzy Osbourne/Ludacriss collaboration going. They could do a Hank Williams cover, and bullet into #1. What the hell.
May 31, 2015 @ 6:43 am
Almost three months old, and it’s still scathing! LOL good one Trig!